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Behaviour of twins

(22 Posts)
Nanny2654 Mon 30-Dec-13 19:34:31

I am the proud granny of 2 year old twins, boy and a girl, and I am after some advice please. Their mum, my DD, has recently gone back to work 2 days a week and I have them for one of those days and they go to a childminder the other day. Since she has gone back to work, both of them want Mummy to do everything for them when she is there so for instance, getting them out of the bath results in one of them screaming if they are the one that mummy doesn't dry off. This is happening even with their Dad and he is really struggling with it. He has been trying very hard to spend time with both twins and it is his son who is demanding Mum's attention and not seeming to want to spend time with his dad. They do it with me too but are absolutely fine when I have them on my own.
Is there anyone who has been through anything similar and has any advice about how best to deal with it please?
Many thanks

janerowena Mon 30-Dec-13 19:42:35

Firstly - don't take it personally, they are rebelling against change and seeing their Mummy less. My daughter has been going through exactly the same thing with her two, not twins, but boy and girl. Her MiL looks after them for two days a week, they are fine now and settled but poor MiL had a dreadful time at first. They still do it to their father at times, they have just left here after four days and it happens often, the parents just ignore it and won't put up with it. If it is daddy's turn, he battles on regardless otherwise my daughter would never get a break. MiL battled on and now she is virtually another Mummy. I am just Holiday Grandma. They didn't want to leave today, but were so pleased to be going back to Nanna, who is housesitting in their absence. They may seem like right little horrors now, but you will reap the benefits later, my GCs love their Nanna very much.

janerowena Mon 30-Dec-13 19:50:41

Sorry, misread that as I thought you were struggling just as much as the Daddy. You know what - i have watched and observed over the years and small children often just simply don't like the Daddies as much, until they are about three. Is it their voices? I don't know, it's odd. At about three years old, little boys start to want to be with their fathers more, I have seen it time and again. I hope it's so in your case, too.

Nanny2654 Mon 30-Dec-13 20:02:02

Many thanks Janerowena, I know that they will grow out of it and that was very interesting what you said about little boys and their Dads. Could very well be true too. I think a lot of Dads struggle with their children as babies and toddlers. My DD is feeling for her husband and doesn't know the best way to handle it.

Nonu Mon 30-Dec-13 20:46:55

h had twins , lot of hard work , one goes this way , one goes to"other
I was fortunate that I was given help from the local Nursery school training place .
They would come round every afternoon and help me with the babies and toddler.

Flowerofthewest Mon 30-Dec-13 22:53:16

My 3 year old grandson is going through this stage and it started when his baby sister was born and he realised she was here to stay shock He used to let his daddy or ourselves help him, get a drink, change his nappy etc but now mummy has to do it all. It will pass when they settle to the idea of their mummy not being there for a time.

FlicketyB Tue 31-Dec-13 06:46:24

janerowena I think you are right. DGS showed no interest in his only grandfather until he was three, now, at nearly 4 he adores him and Grandma doesn't get a look in!

Agus Tue 31-Dec-13 17:11:32

Both DGDs played really hard to get with Grampa which was very hurtful for him. We tried explaining how upset Grampa would be because he loved them too. Nothing worked, we decided not to make an issue of it then around 3.1/2 yrs old, things changed and DH's attention was sought out more and more. Now aged 8 and 4, they adore Grampa.

I think it's natural for babies to be attached to their mother more as she is the one with them most of the day but as they become a bit more independant and feel secure with daddy too it just needs time and patience.
As you say this is just a recent change for your GC, they need time to adjust to the changes and it will happen gradually.

Nanny2654 Wed 01-Jan-14 18:32:03

Many thanks for all the comments and advice. Reluctant to wish the time away but accept that things will no doubt change as they get older. I had them last night so DD and SIL could go out on NYE and also have lunch together today as it was their 5 yr anniversary of meeting today! They were so good for me and caused no problems at all. Slept all night and played happily.
Its good to discuss these things xx

Penstemmon Wed 01-Jan-14 19:28:08

Can you be there at bath time with daddy so mum is out of the equation? She can be elsewhere ..preparing supper, enjoying a quiet 5 mins etc. Try it for a few days and then mum can start coming back to do it! Might work!

janerowena Thu 02-Jan-14 16:34:06

I should have added, years ago I worked in a nursery, and saw how different the children were when their daddies collected them. Poor daddies, sometimes the very small ones cried at first when they saw it wasn't their Mummies coming to collect them. Luckily we were across the road from a park, I used to tell them to go over to it for half an hour and that soon stopped them.

Tegan Thu 02-Jan-14 16:50:44

Isn't there an age @ 3 when children start to resent their fathers? I know my eldest grandson did that for a while and when we looked it up in good old Dr Spocks there it was.

whenim64 Thu 02-Jan-14 17:50:54

I'm mum to twin girls who both have twins, girls aged two and boys aged five. I recognise this behaviour. When I help with bath time, one or other of them have occasional hissy fits because nana is taking one of them downstairs as they get out of the bath, whilst the other is still with mum or dad, even if they are only seconds behind. Whichever option we choose, it doesn't suit. Ideally, mum would be cloned! grin

I remember when mine were little and the competition for something the other one had, whether it be a bib, toy, place on my lap, book - you name it - it's a twin thing! grin

whenim64 Thu 02-Jan-14 17:54:22

Twin toddlers' rules of possession

1. If I like it, it's mine.

2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

5. If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in anyway.

6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.

8. If I saw it first, it's mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically
becomes mine.

10. If it's broken, it's yours.

whenim64 Thu 02-Jan-14 17:59:23

Re: the dad thing - our two year olds can ignore dad when he's trying to play with them, but be wrapped round him at other times and ignore mum, particularly when she's been out for some 'me' time. They joke about their girls plotting.....'if she wants 'me' time, she can have more than she can handle!!!' grin

wisewoman Thu 02-Jan-14 21:18:42

Oh when I do like to read your twin experiences. It is so reassuring. My son and his wife had twin girls when their brother was only 18 months so you can imagine competition for attention - really they had three babies. No matter how much love, attention and cuddles they get it, is never enough. The dad thing is interesting though. Both parents work and share looking after the children (I hate the word "childcare" it sounds like something you are paid to do!) yet when they were really little no matter how much time their dad spent with them it was always "mummy, mummy". It was quite upsetting for him. He used to say that he looked after them as much as mum but it was always mum they wanted. That is changing now they are four and three years old and they adore their dad. However the competition for attention goes on. Lots of screaming! It is getting better though and they are adorable!!

TwiceAsNice Thu 02-Jan-14 21:28:35

I have twin granddaughters aged 4. They both compete for everyone,s attention, mum,s dad,s Auntie,s Granny,s . My sil has been out of work for a while so at the moment he is a stay at home daddy whilst my daughter works as she could get a job and he could not. They are quite jealous sometimes if one is having lone attention and often ask do we love the other twin more than them. We all always say we love them both the same. I think it is a bit of a twin thing.

Nanny2654 Fri 03-Jan-14 19:44:37

Oh When, I loved your rules of twins! Really made me laugh!! So true even at two! Again thanks for all the comments grans.

Iam64 Sat 04-Jan-14 13:05:51

When, that's brilliant - simple!

Nandalot Sun 05-Jan-14 01:25:33

Quite reassuring to see that this sort of behaviour is quite common. My daughter's 32 month old boy/girl twins are fine with us on our own, absolute angels at nursery, but when Mum is around can be real horrors. Today was a nightmare. They were either clinging to her legs or if one was getting attention the other was doing all the naughty, and often dangerous things they could think of. Intervention is a necessity for safety but this just seems to reward the naughtiness.

absent Sun 05-Jan-14 01:48:38

When it comes to children – twins or singles – remember that everything changes, usually within about six months. You go through a sticky patch when they won't eat anything but fish fingers and peas, wake up at four o'clock in the morning, and bash every other child over the head with a Tonka truck, and then all of a sudden they become angelic. Conversely, you go through an angelic patch when they welcome a daytime nap, smother you with kisses and cuddles and feed themselves without sharing dinner with the carpet and then all of sudden become the changeling from hell.

Elizabeth1 Sun 05-Jan-14 06:55:58

I was waiting in the car while DH was having his hair cut. I noticed what I presumed was dad holding the hands of his twin girls who looked about 4 years old. They both wanted to take dads right hand and the shenanigans that took place to try and succeed were so so funny to watch. However poor dad was having a time of it until he bent down and lifted one up into his arms which then allowed the other one to take his right hand. As I am a twin this scenario brought to my mind the long hard days and possibly nights my mum and dad must have had with my sister and I with two older siblings in the picture. Congratulations all parents who have given birth to twins -one of natures true