Had 3 children but exhaustingly anxious when have sole care of grandson

Hi palliser and welcome. I think i'v posted about this myself. I had 3 children myself. With my husband in the army for most of their childhood I raised them alone. When my first group of grandchildren arrived in my early 50 I often had 3 or 4 of them together. It was hard work but we all had such a fab time. The children called our days out' nanna's adventures' 10 years later when the second bunch arrived its a completely different story. I have them once a week I do as much as I can but I could cry with exhaustion when they've gone home. To be honest there are times when I dread the day I'm due to have them. I love them with all my heart. They love me. So in my case I think it's age. I work 4 long days. Have them one day a week that leaves 2 days for everything else. Including recharging my batteries. It's hard work, it's demanding, our houses are not set up for children anymore. We have to comply with other peoples rules, we want to give our grandchildren a good time so feel pressured. Don't beat yourself up about it. Your not alone in feeling like you do. The problem is were older now. I too am fairly fit 60 year old. Yes that's not old but it's too old to be climbing 30 steep steps, cocking my leg over a slide and whooshing down....but I'll keep doing it because I love them

Looking after a grandson who has VERY severe food allergies (life threatening) is just so hard. When he comes we have to thorughly clean everything, put all cutlery, utensils, etc in dishwasher- put some pans away (which we use for eggs) and go through all the cupboards checking every label for egg, nuts and even traces- and purchase food guaranteed egg and nut free. We have to have his antihistamines and epipen with us all the time- cannot go into restaurants or cafés, etc.

We so hope this Summer he and his sister will finally be able to come and stay on their own- but we will be on our toes all the time (and OH is a retired doctor, so knows how to deal with).

I think I need a 'Nannny' to look after Nanny sometimes lol, I have DGD 2 afternoons a week after nursery and by Wednesday night I am exhausted from checking what she is doing, amusing her, playing Dressy Up and basically making sure this 3 year old is not going to harm herself on my watch!, I have this fear that Mum & Dad will come & pick her up & she has a Mr Bump bandage over her head lol.

Ah yes, long gone are the days when they lolled around in the back without restraint (and squabbled). I remember my niece falling out of the back door of the car when my brother went round a corner once. Luckily she wasn't hurt.

Oh the joy of car seats. Several times I had to accost strangers (dads with pushchairs etc) to remind me how to "release" the thing to put the child back in. And the joy of forcing an unwilling, screaming victim into one - what bliss. They do save lives though.

Yes, they are very fussy about seats appropriate to the child's size and age here in Oz. A local mother was fined last week when stopped by the police; her child had managed to slip its arms out of the straps unbeknownst to her while she was driving, but there was no leeway. My GS in the UK is like Houdini. He can extricate himself from straps that are pulled so tight that he can hardly breath, but still he manages . I think the only remedy would be for seats to have crossover straps! As for collapsing the stroller - I give up when alone and bung the wretched thing into the boot!

Off topic a bit but all this mention of car seats reminds me that they along with modern pushchairs seem to be the work of the devil.

I can't fix them in the car or even operate the pushchair mechanism, my daughter has to put the thing up for me. We spent about an hour once me and DH trying to loosen the straps that keep them secure. GD had thicker coat on so it was too tight.

Much easier in my day.

I'm a very careful driver, but don't do much driving these days. The one thing that stops me being careful is being nervous, and I'm really nervous when I have the grandchildren in the car. I only bring the eldest one back from school on roads that I know really well so thats ok, and I had a car seat fitted at Halfords so I know he's safe. I wouldn't dare drive any great distance with him or his brother, though.

My DH picked up DD1 and DGS from Heathrow one time, we had borrowed a booster seat as he seemed old enough and large enough to go in one - halfway down the M4 he appeared between the two front seats, smiling and happy that he had managed to undo the seatbelt. In Australia the regulations regarding child seats seem more stringent than here.
However, I do remember our baby seats having to be bolted down in the boot when my DC were small (although DD1 always seemed to be able to wriggle out of the straps, DGS must take after her). We had a motorway crash once years ago, the older two slid down into the footwell at the back (luckily they were OK as there were no seatbelts in the back in those days) but DD2 slept through it all peacefully in her car seat. Car seats that fix with the rear seatbelts do worry me somewhat, I have isofix but it doesn't seem to work well in my car. DH assures me that the seats are perfectly safe fixed with the car seatbelts.

I think the kids own car seat properly strapped into place by the rear seat belt is safe enough. When I needed to pick up GS from nursery DD was worried as we didn't have the Isofix bit in place and transferring that was just not worth it.
However on the last day I was looking after him, I managed to drive the 50 miles home with his car seat still in my car.

Given that, as a baby his mum used to ride in her carrycot in the footwell of my awful Mini. We removed the front passenger seat and put the carrycot on top of the folded carrycot wheels in the space.

If she was awake and I glanced down I would often get a very engaging gummy grin from her. Perhaps that has made me a bad judge of risk!

I haven't actually driven my granddaughter anywhere yet, we always usually have her together and her car seat is in my husband's car. I have recently started to take her to some of the children's swimming sessions at my health club. My husband has suggested I get a child's seat put in my car as well so I can take her on my own. I am daunted at the thought of driving her around even though I drove my own children, and on occasions their friends all over the place and it didn't worry me then, I know it's because she isn't my child I feel like this. I wonder if there are any other GNs who share this particular hang up.

Gally I would be a nervous wreck if my DGS had that sort of hazard at to contend with. Time to some window locks?

Isn't it reassuring to read that we share the same worries? Whenever I was in charge of either or both of my grandsons (now 3 1/2 and 2 ) overnight (either here or at theirs) I used to be so relieved if they woke me in the night so that I knew they were alive. Thank goodness the only times an injury occurred were on SIL's "watch" I would never have forgiven myself if DGS had pulled a hall table over on to himself and broken his thumb OR stuck his fingers into a live bedside lamp, fusing the lights of the house and nearly electrocuting himself if I had been in charge. I also used to do a nursery pick up once a week, playtime, teatime , bathtime and bedtime so that DD could stay late at the office before she had DGS2. I used to worry that I had not cooked the teatime fishfingers enough and DGS would get food poisonng, that he had not eaten enough and would starve overnight, that his bedtime milk was too hot/cold - in short everything. It is largely the burden of responsibility - how would we face out DC if anything had gone wrong through our negligence. I try to worry less , but am probably kidding myself

I have noticed that children seem to have a lot to say for themselves now, GD answers her mother back in a way that my children never did.

Phew.....thank you all so very much. My grandson is 3 and not at all super demanding or anymore 'dynamic' than any other small boy so i was wondering what was wrong with me. I agree that it's a combination of age/hyper-alertness and the fact he is my child's child. I also agree it would be nice to relax and enjoy the boy. Very best wishes to you all and in caring for your families.

I live in a house that is on a development which have quite extensive communal gardens that lead down to the Thames. When I have my 4 year old granddaughter for the day she wants to go down to the water's edge where there are moorings as she likes to look at the boats, I'm always nervous and insist she holds my hand when she gets too close to the water, which she sometimes argues about, but I always insist she does. The river is swollen at the moment and when she saw a fast moving large piece of branch moving quickly in the water, she thought it was a crocodile, to which I replied "it is and there are quite a few more, so lets not get too close!". It's a bit of white lie but I'm working it to my advantage at the moment.

I sympathise with a lot of the posts, although I enjoy having her, nevertheless I'm glad to hand her back at 7. I don't remember my children contradicting me so much at this age, but they were boys and spent most of their time exploding!

Three year old came with some lego the other week and I found him with a figure in his mouth using his teeth to try to take a hat off. Confiscated it immediately. When the eldest was his age his parents wouldn't let him near small dangerous objects but the youngest now plays with his brothers toys.

We've tried to childproof our house again - got covers in the sockets, catches on the kitchen doors, gates on the stairs (which DS and DDIL don't have any more!), but DGD2 still managed to find a ball of string at the back of the kitchen drawer which she was busily wrapping around herself (I only had my back turned for a minute to wash up).

I too had three children and child minded as well so I don't think it's down to responsibility for someone else's child. I fear it may be an age thing. As we get older we're more able to see physical danger and less able to deal with it.

Windows open completely above a ten foot drop and young kids around!!?? Good grief!

I am a nervous wreck after being 'in charge'. There are 4 gc's here in Sydney. Apart from the 17 month old, they (9,7 and 5) are allowed out to play with local children in the street on their scooters, skateboards, bikes etc..... and I don't have a moment's peace. Once parents are back and in control, I can relax - well, sort of! The baby is a human tornado and launches herself from every available piece of furniture or stairs into thin air. The windows open up completely and there is a 10' drop onto the deck - I have found her standing on the back of the sofa with one leg out of the window ready to go....and finding her standing in the middle of the dining table is a regular occurrence. I know I shouldn't, but I keep mumbling to DD that 'you and your sisters never behaved like this' I have to confess, that I really don't enjoy being left alone with any of my grandchildren; the responsibility is too great and if anything happened I would never forgive myself.

I get down to child height and look to see if there are any dangers in the house, check the sockets and make sure the blanks are in place. GDs love to play on the computer but I sit with them in the study in case they click on anything but the Disney games I allow.
Welcome Palliser, you are not alone, I think we all get exhausted.

I too feel an enormous sense of responsibility when I look after any of the DGC. When my own (3) were small I felt I could let them get on with playing whilst I did something else, but now I feel I need to keep a constant eye on the DGC, more so for DGD age 2 - DGD age 5 does play very nicely if I need to get on with something for a while. However, it worried me sick when I looked after DGS (now 5) because they live on a farm, and if I didn't keep him occupied he would tend to shoot off looking for Daddy if Mum was at work.
9 am to 7 pm is a very long day to be on "top form" with a small child at our age (we have looked after one DGC at a time from 7.30 am to 5.30pm, when I say "we" I mainly mean "me")
It does leave you feeling exhausted (but happy).

We are having six month old granddaughter and her five year old brother to stay overnight on Saturday. We've had GS many times before and GD once by herself, but not both together so not too bothered but will have to see how it turns out.
I never get anything done when we are babysitting just watch them.
I do have DH to help although his patience isn't limitless. Once I was upstairs having a shower and he decided to take himself off down his garage leaving DG alone in the front room watching TV. He didn't even bother to tell me he had gone. I tore him off a strip over this and he's never done it since.

I can't believe we took our great nephew for a holiday on our narrowboat when he was 5! And then took him and his young brother a year later without a qualm! It makes my blood run cold just to think of it now. Great nephew is now 30 and we are in our 80s.