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Hub been asked to be pall bearer

(6 Posts)
MrsPickle Wed 06-Aug-14 13:51:58

A friend of ours is arranging his funeral, which we know, sadly, will be quite soon.
Hub has been asked if he'll be one of the pall bearers and, whilst he feels it a great honour, he is also very worried.
We don't know if he will be expected to carry the coffin, or walk beside the bier. Apart from being prone to a bad back, he is quite tall and is stressed at the thought of carrying.
We are going to say our farewells later, but have been asked not to mention the funeral.

I've posted in the Ask a grandad forum to see if any of you have done this and, if you have, any tips to cope, please.


thatbags Wed 06-Aug-14 14:02:05

I googled What does a pallbearer do? and got this page. You might like to have a look.

MrsPickle Wed 06-Aug-14 14:06:50

Thank you very much. It is, indeed, very helpful.

HildaW Wed 06-Aug-14 18:56:47

Whatever you husband is asked to do it will be the responsibility of the Funeral Directors to ensure everything is done safely and with due care and reverence. I am sure they would tactfully ensure that anyone who was physically not up to the task would be accommodated. Tell you OH not to worry and to have a quiet word as and when this sad event takes place.

Purpledaffodil Wed 06-Aug-14 19:13:15

My two sons and my brother were asked to help carry my mother's coffin as we got out of the car at the church. I was so glad not to have had time to worry as one of them is quite notorious for dropping things. As it was, they did very well, despite my elder son being at least 4 inches taller than the other pall bearers. It was very moving to see them carry their much loved grandmother on her final journey and I am sure your husband will feel honoured to help his friend, even if it is just walking beside the coffin and not carrying

Mishap Wed 06-Aug-14 19:21:13

There is something appropriate and moving about friends and family being pallbearers rather than unknown individuals from the funeral directors.

I do not think it matters that such pallbearers are not slick or professional, so he must not worry about this. As has been said the funeral directors will make sure that all is safe for those involved; the most important thing is that your husband will feel he is fulfilling the wishes of his friend. It does not matter exactly how it is done.