How to express all this love and loss at a funeral

Kiora, I'm so glad that the funeral brought you consolation and that your uncle had a good send off. It must have been a huge help to you and your aunt to know how much he was loved and cherished. The next few weeks will be hard for both of you, but you have lovely memories to sustain you x

I just want to add my condolences Kiora .

I'm glad you managed to deliver the eulogy, it isn't easy. At my father's humanist funeral I read a piece of poetry and both my brothers spoke about our father. It was lovely.

I'm a firm believer in seeing the body of the deceased, I feel it really helps. My own Irish family still do things the old way and have the body of the deceased at home until the funeral. I do know it isn't what everyone would do though.

Kiora Well done! I am pleased it went so well.
You can now think that he would have really enjoyed such a good send off.

He sounds a great guy! - how lucky you are to have known him and be loved by him. I am sure that this will carry you through the day and that your words will be just right - I think they were just right on here, as we all caught the spirit of the man straight away from your initial post. Do not be afraid of a tear - that is appropriate and not to be ashamed of. If you have a bit of a hiccough in your delivery, your emotion will be from the heart and will give others the "permission" to shed their own tears.

Just a quick thank you for your condolences and helpful responses. I went to see my uncle at the funeral parlour. I hadn't wanted to but my son wanted to go. So I unwillingly accompanied him. I was dreading it. But for some reason I was the one who found it most helpful. I was surprised that I was able to talk to him and stroke his hair. I think this was why I was able to deliver my little eulogy without crying. It was a wonderful funeral.( if they can be described as such) over 200 people at the service. About 80 family and close friends at the wake. A free bar paid for by his work colleagues. Lots of reminiscing, crying and laughing into the early hours. He'd have love it. It made me think that funerals are really for the living not the dead. To comfort us. I have returned to spend a week with my aunt. We visited the grave yesterday to tidy up the mountain of flowers. As we both stood there hand in hand having a little weep and chatting to him as if the was there I realised I might just change my mind and be buried rather than cremated.

Agree, you've said it there and agree with Kitty about the poem.

So sorry for your loss and hope that after the funeral you can all enjoy lovely reminiscences.

Kiora being brave is something that we all need when going to a funeral.

This man sounds amazing and wish he was in my family and lets be honest we all wish to be remembered in this way.

Like he said he has lived his life how he wanted to, so the good news is that he lived a happy life.

Try and concentrate on the happy times and know that he would not want you to be too upset and would want you to handle things how you want to handle them.

Don't be hard on yourself, if you feel you want to cry, that's ok. I think I would cry for ages if I lost someone so wonderful.

You were lucky to have this man in your life but it sounds like you loved him as much as he loved you

Monday will come, we can not stop that but as it comes it will also go.

Best wishes for tomorrow we will be thinking of you.

A beautiful eulogy for your beloved uncle.

Sending love and thought to those who have lost someone dear to them. X

We have to go through this on Thursday for Mum's funeral, Kiora. I'm glad my brother will be doing the eulogy as I don't think I'd have the courage.

Your OP is very moving and I know how raw you are feeling at the moment.

I'll be thinking of you

Yes, Kiora, you have painted a lovely picture of an obviously much-loved uncle in just a few sentences. I wish you strength to get through the funeral, but you have got a wonderful tribute ready. You have moved a lot of people who never had the pleasure of knowing your uncle, and I am sure what you say will move those who knew him even more.

You'll be fine Kiora, what you said is so genuine that no-one will mind if you have a few tears.

Let us know how it goes

Just say exactly what you said in your post above, nothing else contrived would be as good.

Your OP was moving and obviously from the heart, so like everyone else, I think you should stick closely to that.

Thank you all you have been magnificent. I have done as most of you have suggested.starting with "today we are here to bury .............no that's not right. Then worked through the list. I will write it in bite size bits on postcards and read one at a time. I too looked up kinaesthetic awareness and so that will be helpful. Knowing how to stand. I have had a look at the church on google with a virtual tour so am aware of the setup. I have read it to my children. it takes about 3 minutes I suppose four or five if I'm upset. Your right I was very lucky to have him and to have been so very loved by him. His memory is wrapped around me like a soft comfort blanket. Thanks again

Condolences Kiora
You spoke from the heart and described a very caring person.

I agree with the others. You couldn't do better than repeating your post.
Your uncle sounds a lovely man. Condolences Kiora

After reading your post I feel as though I knew your Uncle Kiora.
Or I wish I had. What a fine chap.

And thank you Micelf (twice in one day) for introducing kinaesthetic awareness into my life. Just had to google it. And condolences Kiora.

You are lucky to have had someone like that in your life, kiora. I agree with the others, what you said above is perfect and if you try to do anything else, it will come out wrong because it won't be how you really feel.

I think you have described your lovely uncle beautifully, Kiora. I'm sorry for your loss, but pleased for you that you had this wonderful relative in your life. You could not say anything better than your words above.

The first line of a eulogy is the hardest, maybe you start by saying something like.

Today we are here to bury Uncle.... No that is not right, we are only burying his body. The man, my uncle, he is still very much alive in everyone who was priviledged to know him. Then I would say word for word exactly what you have written her.

Nobody on this site can helped but be touched by your sincerity and love for your uncle. You have managed to bring him alive for a group of strangers. You don't need a poem or words of someone who never knew him. I agree with those who say practice at home. Also have a stiff drink just before you start to steady your nerves.

The description of your beloved uncle in your post conveys exactly who he was and as I read it, your love for him and the heartache you feel now,that he is gone is very clear. I think this is all you need to say.

Your post was very moving Kiaora and I'm so very sorry for your loss

What you've written is perfect.

The advice I'd give you is this, having had to deliver eulogies on a number of occasions:

Practise saying it aloud on many occasions. Say it with an audience of your husband or children and that will get the tears flowing. By the tenth time, you will be able to say the words having cried yourself out and the kinaesthetic awareness of just delivering the words will stay with you to be called on at the funeral.

I agree, say it as you said it on here! I hope you manage to deliver it without weeping.

I was asked to give the eulogy for a friend who died aged 64 from lung cancer, she had been a smoker for over 40 years. She was also a larger than life character, alternatively wonderful and infuriating.

I just said it as she was, all her good points, her love of life - and the aspects of her that drove people mad. It was said with love and tolerance. I cleared it with her family before I made it and they were very happy that I was not pretending she was a plaster saint. The things that made her great were also the aspects of her personality that infuriated people. Your uncle sounds the same. You cannot divide them.

You have said it in your initial post, Kiora. Say exactly that on the day.