would a other grans be hurt by this

It's the latter tegan. I suppose my point is that you wouldn't "just drop in" on people that you don't know well, or that are part of your family would you?

If someone dropped in on me and I was say tired, and that had stayed for however long, I'd say "Please go now it's time for my afternoon nap" (my kids know I do this).

And - re having the choice - when someone phones to make an appointment to come and visit you, and you don't like them or don't want them to visit, do you say "No, (sod off)". Or do you make an excuse and say "We must get together soon". Or what if someone makes an appointment and you say okay they can come and then they overstay their welcome. What then?

This thread is making me grumpy so I'm not going to comment again but will read it

Would anyone put the garden before a visit from a friend? I certainly wouldn't.

It depends so much on the relationship. What if, say, you knocked on that ladies door and she was just getting ready to go and work in the garden but then felt obliged to say 'would you like a cuppa' and then not do what she intended to do? However, if the friendship was one whereby she could say 'oh, I'm just of out into the garden; grab a cup of tea and follow me outside' that would be fine'.

Passing by on a walk and chatting over the wall is rather different to turning up on someone's doorstep and more or less inviting yourself in, though, Grannyknot!

If it's what your family's used to doing and everyone's happy then 'dropping in' is of course fine - but I'm with those who would much prefer to have some notice, and indeed some choice, in the matter.

I haven't got a record button ....

holly sorry but I completely disagree with you. Equally what is wrong with being spontaneous?

I go for a walk most Sunday afternoons at a certain time. Depending on what route I take I pass a friend's house who is often working in her garden. We start a conversation over the low wall and more often than not it ends in the kitchen with continued chat over a cup of tea. Should I call her and let her know I am off for my walk and if she's in the garden I would like to stop in?

I agree with Ariadne's comment I think it is quite rude to expect just to be able to drop in. - it is rude to assume that people will be available just because it suits the visitor to visit at a time that suits them with little thought of whether it is suitable for the person being visited. What's wrong with picking the phone up, calling them and saying 'I was going to pop round and see you if that's okay'?

It's fine to say you wouldn't just 'drop in' but it's not fine to call it rude. I certainly don't find it rude when someone drops in on me. In fact I really welcome a surprise visit.

I'm glad there are a few more of us now who are happy to be 'dropped in on' and if I was watching a favourite programme I'd just hit the record button.

I was brought up in a family where aunts, uncles, friends just 'dropped in' and I missed that when I moved away. DP were too far away and they used to come and stay and MIL who lived nearby worked full-time. However, DB used to drop in sometimes in the week and I loved to see him, and he and SIL plus their DC used to drop in at the weekends, as we did to them.
I like people 'dropping in' although we don't have any relatives near here who can do so it is always nice to see friends and neighbours.

(now, where's my duster?)

That would really get my goat TEGAN!

No one ever really drops in on me anyway . But, on the rare occasion that they do [it's the same with phone calls as well] it will always be on a Saturday afternoon cause they know I'll always be in watching the racing. Then, of course, I can't watch the racing ...

I would NEVER drop in on anyone!
Wouldn"t expect anyone to drop in on me either !

'Dropping in' was part of my childhood and also when I had small children. The kids used to be round at each other's houses and so were the mums.

Here's my tuppence worth - family just "dropping in" is one of the things I miss the most since moving to the UK. I get a little pang in my heart when I remember how I would often hear the gate and it would be my brother with a big grin on his face and a fresh line-fish he had caught that very morning, held out as a gift. Sometimes it would inspire an impromptu barbecue. How can that possibly be rude!

I love people just popping in - obviously if it's going to be a l-o-n-g visit then they'd check whether we're available, of course.

I'm with greenfinch Anya and like minded others.

I would not expect to just turn up at DC's homes, it is always by arrangement. I love my family dearly but I would not want them turning up on my doorstep as and when they please.

I don't think I am rude Ariadne.It is just the way we have always done things in our family and I like it.

I buy a lot of clothes from charity shops [and books and furniture etc] mainly because they are often quite unusual. But my daughter said that she could never wear a woollen garment bought from a charity shop. Her children have worn lots of clothes passed on from a friend and she and her brother did the same, but they were clothes from people we knew. I don't think I'd buy anything for a baby to wear from a charity shop, although equipment that could be sterilised in some way would be ok. I would never visit anyone with a young baby without contacting them first. In fact I have a friend who looks after her grandson each day and I haven't phoned her for ages because I'm scared that the phone ringing will wake baby [she doesn't have a mobile]. My ex, who lives just up the road from them is always knocking on their door just at the time when she's putting the children to bed; he just never takes the hint .

I agree about phoning or texting before visiting our children - DD lives very near to me but always, always texts first, and I do the same with her. I think it is quite rude to expect just to be able to drop in.

The daughter is being rather rude on the face of it, but if she has spent her life surrounded by recycled tat dug out of skips and worn second hand clothes she may be heartily sick of it. I used to help at NCT nearly new sales and got lots of lovely clothes for my daughter then sold them again at the same sale a year later, wonderful recycling, but we did have to go through the clothes as some people's idea of acceptability was dubious, surely nobody wants dirty faded stained babygros? If Ethel's friend is turning up unannounced with bags of tat then maybe her daughter is getting heartily sick of it.

Ah - a kindred spirit Greenfinch

if I am passing through the town where my daughter lives for work, I give her a ring to see if I can pop round, but would never just drop in unannounced- she could be enjoying a snooze, having a friend round or anything

Likewise, people all have different views on secondhand, and you should abide by their choice !

If I particularly want to catch DD in i will ring first, otherwise i just stick my head in and see what's happening.

I was jolly grateful for all the second hand stuff I got for my two. DD bought most of her maternity clothes and a lot of baby clothes and toys on ebay. She's developed quite a chain now, she had second hand clothes passed down from her friend's baby, they were then passed from GS1 to GS2 and are now being passed over to GS3. It's quite an event if she buys something new.

DDiL has been very grateful to other mums and other grandparents for their ridiculous waste of money on expensive baby/children's clothes because when they are outgrown by their originally wearers, she gets them passed on to her.

I hardly bought any clothes for DD when she was under five because I had friends with slightly older daughters who passed their children's clothes to me. I can also remember my mother, and army officer's wife buying - and selling clothes at the Thrift Shop at several army bases we lived on. One girl we knew, a bit older than me, had grandparents in the clothing trade and most of her clothes came to the Thrift Shop hardly worn. In my early teen age years, most of my clothes came from her and I loved them.

Never having had parents, either mine or DH's, living close I have no experience of grandparents 'just dropping in', but none of my friends or other relatives would just drop in without checking that it was convenient first and I do not see why that expectation should not apply to Grandparents as well, especially when both parents work. DS & DDiL have her mother living nearby. She has been almost like a third parent for DGC as both DDiL and children have had health problems at various times, but close as she is to the family she would never drop in without warning.

Until I read Anya's post ,I was beginning to feel I lived in a different world to everyone else. I love my family and friends to just pop in and my neighbour who is a young Mum with 2 children often knocks on my door and I happily invite her in. My children seem pleased when I look in on them unexpectedly .I certainly don't need time to put on a face as I only have one anyway ,and I positively love it if they catch me doing domestic chores.

ethelbags Is your story genuine ? It seems very far-fetched to me. I can't believe anyone would be so incredibly rude.

Don't know how I'd have managed without secondhand clothes from a neighbour. I was going to do without a pram and just carry the baby (DD1) on my back until she could walk. My MiL bought me a secondhand but good pram for £30. Her daughter, my sister-in-law, who had a baby a couple fo years before me sourced it from one of her friends.

In fact I still carried all my DDs in slings and framed baby-carriers well into toddlerhood quite a bit, especially when they didn,t want to be put down but I wanted to get on with something or to keep them out of the way while I cleaned the floor after their latest meal.

Interestingly, DD1 has been a velcro mum. She still carries GS2—hardly ever uses a buggy—even though he's a strapping twenty month old. Modern baby "wraps" as they are called, are very ingenious, as well as being completely washable and easy to stuff into your bag when not in use. DD has developed strength and the way she swings GS2 up over her head and commands "arms in" is an impressive sight to behold.