would a other grans be hurt by this

I expect she will be OK in the long run- things often miss out a generation and the grandchild will have a lovely time recycling with her grandma- both thinking the mother is a bit odd! It is the way things go.

I'm all for 2nd hand clothes, however, there are second hand clothes that are in really good condition and 2nd hand clothes that are tatty, discoloured and don't look very appealing.

If she has been a keen recycler all her life, maybe her DD has been the one bullied because of her mum's 'keen recycling' maybe she has had 2nd hand clothing of the tatty and unappealing kind?

Maybe she wanted to make clear to her mum that her DD was going to have new clothes because she never did. Maybe. That's how it has come across to me.

All my G/C wear school uniforms, thought most did nowadays !

I still don't know how anyone else would know it was second hand- the granny is not going to buy anything that is tatty, shabby etc!

And if you have saved the money they could use it to buy clothes as teenagers when they are bothered by image.

No, they don't need to be dressed in the best stuff possible. That is just colluding with the bullies who make life hell for those whose parents can only afford the cheapest and worst possible.

That is not to say that they should go to school on principle in rags or in the weariest of charity shop rejects. Their parents should buy them things of good quality which will last, but not assume that only the very best (ie the most expensive clothes bearing the label of a prominent and well-advertised brand) will do.

For goodness sake, don't turn them into snobbish little consumerists from birth. The advertising agencies are already working hard on that.

'Normal' children are not bothered by clothes. If they are not dirty and messy by the end of it they are not having a good time! Nothing is sadder than a parent getting cross because they have paint on their jumper or not wanting them to roll down hills, climb trees , jump in puddles etc because they will get their clothes dirty.
As they get older you could keep the second hand clothes at your house and they can wear them to make mud pies etc and do the fun things without causing upset.

Personally I would rather they had good quality stuff second hand than cheap, badly produced new. Who would know it was second hand?
Plus the baby isn't going to school! The baby couldn't care less what it is wearing or where it came from!
Even when they are old enough to go to school I can't see why you need to bother when they have uniform.
If you are going to get friends from what you are wearing, or your possessions, they are not 'real' friends. It also doesn't work like that- it is character that gets friends.
If the daughter does think in this shallow way then I would opt out of buying stuff and give experiences and your time.
A good idea to sell the stuff and save the money for the baby.

they need to be dressed in the best stuff possible to make friends and get through school like a normal child

That is so shallow!
I would hope they would be wearing a school uniform which is a great leveller!

Perhaps your friend could flog the re-cycled stuff she gets out of skips and re-covers, then put the money into an Junior ISA for the baby.

a saving scheme is one thing but that wont matter if your grandkid doesnt even want to go to school because they are being bullied because of their cheap clothes. they need to be dressed in the best stuff possible to make friends and get through school like a normal child. it shouldnt be a problem for any granny to just buy their grandkids something nice every so often. some call it spoiling, but in my opinion it's just doing what you need to do not to neglect a child.

If she is going to fork out extra money it would be better to start a saving scheme for when the grandchild really needs it rather than wasting it on new baby clothes. If her daughter is terribly fussy it is best to let her get her own- even if she got new they would probably be 'wrong'.
A 'good' granny is all about time anyway and nothing to do with money.
(Maybe the daughter has something against hand me downs if she was the youngest)

sounds like your friend needs to grow some thicker skin if i am being totally honest with you. she should be willing to fork out a little extra money for her grandchildren like any GOOD granny would.

That's right, Leticia, often everything has to be 'just so' with a first baby.
Probably the girl's heart sinks when she sees her mother arrive with yet again a bagful of rubbish second-hand recycled stuff.

You say, ethel that she is the youngest daughter - perhaps as the youngest she got all the hand-me-downs from her sisters - which could have been second-hand in the first place and she is determined that her own baby will have new!

Faye

I can see why she might want warning that she is going to drop in, and it is easy enough to do.
I never understand the clothes snobbery bit- you can get such lovely things second hand and they are next to new. However if she has one of those odd daughters it isn't worth fighting. She should stick to getting second hand books and toys and keeping them at her house to play with.
They do relax more as the child becomes older or they have more than one.
Control issues are at their height with a first baby.

My MIL used to buy me some beautiful clothes for my two oldest children which I very much appreciated. She also used to visit me anytime she felt like dropping in which I didn't mind. What I really hated was her calling loudly out to me as she arrived at our flat "you up yet Faye." Lucky I was friendly with my neighbours and they didn't think I (with a baby) slept all day.

My SIL worked at a charity shop and brought home bags of second hand clothes for my children when we lived in England. She was quite upset that I didn't really love dressing my children in all of her finds. I would have thought she should have left the clothes in the shop so other people had a chance to buy something.

Catching up with the original post. the world's best recycler should keep her recycled items to herself. A young mother wants to remain in control of the clothes and toys her baby gets and I can understand her getting annoyed about a bundle of recycled things.
I you want to get on with a young mother start a savings account and put your money in that.
Nothing against a few second hand toys or clothes but you can keep them at your own house for when baby visits.
Nowadays it is always better to ring before popping in.

Bluebelle I guess there's a difference even in levels of second hand I agree

I think its about tolerance and a bit of give and take on both sides its one of these problems that you can see both sides of the coin I do think its a bit strange to make an appointment to see your own daughter and new grandchild but that really depends on how much its happening if mum is popping in too regularly that could be irritating

Having been a service wife often in unknown overseas places I think I would have gone mad without 'poppers in' ut I have got so out of the habit now that it would come hard now but I really miss those spontaneous cups of coffee

My kids would have been naked without second hand clothes but I've got a feeling that this friend may be so much for a recycling bargain that the daughter may be fed up to the back teeth with it, its not really normal for people Mums to be 'climbing into skips' and I m just imaging her coming out of the skip with a reclaimed Moses basket and shaking the brick dust and spiders off, thrilled with her find bless her and the daughter thinking 'oh no'

I guess there's a difference even in levels of second hand

I agree, GillT57, although my MIL occasionally used to pass on some hideous second-hand stuff she had got from goodness' knows where for the DC when they were little. I usually disposed of it quietly later.

Going back to the question raised by ethel....apart from the dropping in aspect, maybe none of us would welcome a visitor, family or otherwise if they bring in a bag of smelly second hand jumble and skip pickings for us to use with our new baby!

My goodness, what a lot of offence has been taken. I will pure phrase what I said, to try to alleviate the fussing:

I would consider it rude if people dropped in without warning me by text or phone call.

Thiis does not mean, for heaven's sake, that I think any GNetters' friends are rude - I don't know them! And if dropping in suits you, fine, enjoy it.

I wish there was an 'edit post' option!

While quite happy for friends and family to drop in (doesn't happen often), my MiL and FiL used to regularly turn up when it suited them (usually when DH was on the golf course) and stay, regardless of what we were doing even and when I had friends in! So like janerowena I made a point of taking DCh out on Sundays and saying "Oh dear, if only you'd phoned to say you were coming we'd have stayed in" They never got the message!

If my children or family call and ask if I am in there is not much that I would not put off to see them. I would only say no if I had made arrangements to meet someone or was working. I am no domestic goddess but have been told people feel very welcome in our home so I do not worry any more