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(12 Posts)
danae Thu 15-Jan-15 07:52:25

My son and DIL are living in the same house but have separated. The intention is for my DIL to remain in the family home and for my son to move into rented accomodation. They have a 6 year old who is becoming very clingy to his mum, who is actively encouraging it.
Our problem is this, what is the best way to handle this change of behaviour as we have him daily after school and most Friday nights. He is becoming demanding with us and insisting his grandad plays with him continually.
I'm sure others on here have some experience of this.

ginny Thu 15-Jan-15 08:53:27

My DGS was 8 when his parents split.

I think you should treat him in the same way as you always have. Give him lots of cuddles (if he wants them) and play with him in the same way as you always have. Keep as much as possible normal for him.

It is hard to say and he will obviously be confused and worried about the situation but children can be quick to take advantage of situations .

FlicketyB Thu 15-Jan-15 16:06:52

He knows that he is, to a large extent 'losing' his Daddy. That is how he will be seeing things, so he is scared of losing his Grandpa too.

Can you give him opportunities to talk about his fears and give him reassurance?

FarNorth Thu 15-Jan-15 17:15:28

Could you discuss it with his mother? Don't mention her encouraging clinginess but just say how you are finding things when your DGS is with you and ask what you (all) might be able to do about it.

ninathenana Thu 15-Jan-15 22:33:18

I agree with what's already been said. I just wanted to add that it's often surprising how quick they adjust.
DGS is nearly six. Daddy moved out 7 mths ago. Last week was the first time he didn't sob and want to stay with daddy when he brought him home from access. He is happy and well adjusted. DD, DH and I have been careful only to ever be nice about daddy when DGS is around. What we say about him privately is un printable grin

kittylester Fri 16-Jan-15 10:36:37

Nina grin.

DD3's two were much younger when the Idiot left about 5 months ago and seem fairly content now, which I put down to the fact that DH has put a lot of time and energy into replacing their father

kittylester Fri 16-Jan-15 10:39:26

Posted too soon.

Meant to say that if your DH can play with him lots now, it probably will pay off in the long term! It is so sad for the children isn't it?

ginny Fri 16-Jan-15 13:32:54

ninathenana Had to smile at your last two sentences. We are exactly the same.

danae Sat 17-Jan-15 12:53:28

We do play with him a lot, we also take him to loads of places as neither of his parents drive. His recent change of behaviour, is quite noticeable yet both his parents insist he doesn't know anything is wrong as they behave ''normally'' in front of him. My DIL doesn't really like to discuss anything, she gets defensive, and my son is too quick at blaming everyone else other than himself. I just feel so sad for my grandson.
Thanks for your comments

Eloethan Sun 18-Jan-15 01:14:57

It may not be so much that his mum is encouraging clinginess but that at the moment the little boy is feeling insecure and is therefore more clingy.

It must be tiring if he is clingy and demanding when you look after him but if you can possibly manage to spend a little more time playing with him and giving him space to talk, I think that extra support will help him.

Just because your son and his partner are endeavouring to behave "normally", children are very perceptive and soon notice if something is slightly off kilter.

danae Sun 18-Jan-15 16:04:58

I agree, I'm certain he has noticed a change. At the moment we can't introduce the topic because they haven't said anything to him. he has always stayed overnight at least once a week, at his request entirely. Recently he hasn't asked and we feel that is significant.he obviously wants to be close to home, which up to now hasn't been the case. We are maintaining our usual responses, lots of cuddles when requested or needed, and as for playing we'll we're both ''legoed out!'

Eloethan Sun 18-Jan-15 19:18:08

danae I hope it isn't too long before your grandson feels more secure and is back to his normal self. Wishing you well.