Advice please.

Great minds, OGM and in the same second too!

Sorry, posts crossed!

Very unprofessional, stating the obvious, your DD needs to make an appointment to speak to the Head (already suggested but worth repeating!).

This sounds to me like an over-reaction on the part of the teacher who should have been able to deal with the incident with commonsense.

Unfortunately, because she didn't do that in the first place she is now trying to justify her actions and exacerbating the situation which would probably have been forgotten by the two children involved.

If it carries on then a meeting with the HT would be a good idea before it escalates even further.

There are now 3 threads dealing with school issues and it has got me thinking as a GP that I never involved my Mother or in-laws in that aspect of my DC'S life. It was something we dealt with and it wouldn't have occured to involve them. Was I alone in this,bearing in mind my DC's are now late 40's one 50 soon? And this is no critisism just a thought.

This is disgraceful grannyactivist why on earth is the teacher making such a big deal out of a 5 year old childs silly comment? and to discuss it infront of other parents is shocking. What on earth will the other parents think?

This teacher really seems to have a bee in her bonnet about your DGS and/ or DD doesn't she? How upsetting for everyone. I think I would be asking for a meeting with the teacher and head teacher ASAP, before your poor little grandson is put off school altogether.

Thank you all for your comments.
This saga is continuing I'm afraid as the teacher accosted my daughter in the classroom again this morning and began further discussion about the incident in front of the other parents who were dropping their children off. My daughter insisted they go outside and the teacher then made remarks about my grandson's home life that were obviously based on totally erroneous assumptions the teacher has made. The teacher was also asked why, when (several) other children have said similar things (e.g. I'll chop your head off), no further action was taken. The teacher responded that she was not prepared to comment on the behaviour of other children in the class.

What happened to 'Circle Time' a lovely class session where playground spats could be resolved and concerns dealt with all within the privacy of the classroom (I always put up a notice on the door.... Circle time, please do not disturb). Children took turns to speak, enabling several viewpoints to be heard, wise words were often spoken by their peers and potentially difficult situations resolved.

Teacher overreacted IMO. My GS who is 6 and has Aspergers, says similar things to his friends, and it is all sorted out in the classroom.

Grannyactivist - I think the teacher overreacted.

Little boys, and I had three, can talk this way but it means nothing. I think teachers are hyper sensitive these days because of things that have gone on in schools here and abroad but the children are only five.

I also think there is a culture of "telling teacher" now because of things that go on whereas when I was a child we kept everything to ourselves. Was this good or bad, I honestly don't know.

Exactly Anya that is the way it should have been dealt with. The teacher had no way of knowing what had happened to make the little boy say what he did. Perhaps the little girl had nipped him, kicked him or said something equally unkind to him previously. I think the teacher went way over the top doing what she did and she has probably gone a long way to build up a resentment between the two children.

I also agree with rockgran little girls can be sneaky and come over all sweet and innocent when questioned whereas boys tend to lash out. My DGD (8) so good at winding her little brother up with words. She provokes and provokes him until he snaps, then she runs to grandad and tells him how her horrible little brother has done this or that. On Tuesday she pulled a drawing book from under him while he was using it and ran off with it until he caught her and thumped her. Her reaction was totally over the top (screaming and wailing) I made her give the book back and told them both off. Her reaction was to curl up in the corner and wail "I hate him he's the most horrible brother EVER"

Children Eh?

A telling off for your GS, an apology by him to the girl, shaking hands and a 'I'm surprised at you, you're usually such a kind boy' from teacher.

As a mum of 5 (3 girls) I stand by my comments up there! I had assumed it was the aftermath of something that had been going on at break and I would just keep an eye on things. It's a complete over reaction!

As a reception teacher (many years ago). My reaction to such an event was always to consider that the accused child might have been provoked rather than assume that the "victim" was entirely innocent. (Little girls can be very sneaky!)

Oh ga- I'm afraid in the other place (MN) that's called drip feeding and is a hanging offence! But seriously, what you've now added does change what I think but having said that what I posted was what I still believe based on the original post iyswim. I hope things get sorted with your dgs and school.

Annsixty and GrannyTwice I do appreciate your honest comments, even though if I'm being honest it's not what I want to hear. I used the phrase 'barking mad' merely as a synonym for ludicrous.
There was more to the incident than I put in the OP and I'd like to correct the impression that my daughter thought the teacher should have 'brushed off' what the girl said. My daughter expects a high standard of behaviour from her son and would have expected the teacher to firstly check the context in which this incident occurred. My daughter did do this and it seems that many of the children, including the girl in question, were egging each other on to say ever sillier things, but the girl mentioned only my grandson to the teacher. Having spoken to my daughter again this evening she told me teacher said that my grandson apologised to the girl without prompting as soon as she asked him about the incident. Yet she still insisted he write a letter.
My grandson used to love going to school and had a lovely time in his last class, but since joining this particular class he now gets upset every day and really doesn't want to go. The teaching assistant says his behaviour is typical for his age and that he has excellent manners, she really likes him.
At home he began acting up at about the end of October - at the same time (we later realised) as he started to say he doesn't like school. His behaviour at home has improved and he's much more like his old self; except that he now gets upset every morning (sometimes crying) and says he really doesn't want to go to school.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBFA_AJvrp4

Oh dear, get her to listen to the Joyce Grenfell version of how to deal with little children.

The teacher should have told him firmly that we don't say things like that, it is not kind. The little girl should have been told to ignore it, he was being unkind and now he is going to apologise to you, isn't he and made him say sorry.

You can make a mountain out of a molehill and in doing so make it seem so much more important to the children concerned.

It's quite likely that the boy's remark did not come out of the blue and he may have been provoked.
I think the teacher should have spoken to both children about what is acceptable, without giving blame.

Oh dear that was badly handled!
A sensible teacher should certainly talk calmly to the boy and make it clear that what he had said was unkind and why. When that child had thought about it he should then be asked to go and apologise.

He is only five for heavens sake.

Good grief the things my daughter used to shout at her brother at that sort of age! She has grown up to be perfectly civilised person.

I do think ga that you are also guilty of some over reaction. Firstly, I am concerned that you called the girl a tattle tale and that Kitty thought the teacher should have brushed off what she said. I thought we had moved to listening to children and encouraging them to report behaviour/comments that upset them. It does sound as though the teacher may have over reacted but she should have done something and have taken it seriously. Your dgs did need to be told that he simply can't say things like that and he has to learn as do all children about what is acceptable to say and what isn't.and fwiw I don't think he should be saying those other comments to children either.

Shock, horror! - 5 year olds threaten to kill each other! School's safeguarding policy fails to meet standards!

Policies are up for debate though Penstemmon, surely?

Policies at our primary were never written in stone. Each of the umpteen policies came up for regular renewal.

Annsixty having often been the headteacher in the middle of two parents both feeling angry and hurt over a quarrel between their children I instinctively feel it is likely there is more to this situation. However teachers are human and in a busy classroom they sometimes misread a situation!

grannya's DGS needs to be told clearly he should not say things that upset people. He is at an age when he can begin to empathise and understand that what you say can be unkind. Just not sure writing a letter will really get the message across!