Advice please.

And I also whilst obviously being in the minority here think it is a bit over the top to call a teacher who is probably following school guielines "barking mad".Just feel strongly about this.

soontobe disagreeing with a policy is not the question! Schools can set the policy that they feel is right for the school. Accepting a place is tantamount to accepting the policy! If however the school has not followed its own policy then a parent may need to discuss that!

If a child has been genuinely upset by another child a school needs to deal with it. The question is how!

I agree with Penstemmon. Your DD can find out what the school policy is.
If it is not school policy, or if your DD does not agree with the school policy, she should ask to speak to the Head.

Seems rather heavy handed to me grannya!
I would simply have asked your DGS to look at his class mate to see that he had upset her and get him to think why she might feel sad as a result of his words. When (if!) he could understand then I'd ask him to think what he could do to make her feel better! End of!
If however this is an ongoing situation where two children don't hit it off and irritate each other your DGS and the girl need support to manage the situation. It is possibly 6 of one and half a dozen of the other!

If the girl knows her mum thinks badly of your DGS from a previous situation she may know she can get attention by irritating him into doing something to upset her! Seen that before. Equally seen kids who also get a buzz out of upsetting children!

Have a look at the school's behaviour policy. It should be on their website. Check that these are the procedures for such incidents. I expect there are 'Golden Rules' saying something like 'We are kind to each other' If I were you I would advise DD to ask to speak to senior teacher to say whilst she agrees with the school behaviour policy generally in this case she feels it was a heavy handed application. She needs to say that she has told DGS that what he said was not kind etc etc. and will sanction him if he says things to upset people on purpose.

A letter of apology at just turned 5 years of age...? (well done to him if he was able to write one, I'm not sure my GDs would have been!)

This sort of overreaction reminds me of those reports of schools who have been putting children as young as 4 on a register for using 'racist' and 'sizeist' language in the playground.

Totally over the top reaction!

Actually I think the teacher was right to express concern and act ,It maybe she took it to extreme lenghs but I would not like my GC to be told someone was going to kill him/her.Your GS perhaps is silly but he needs to learn that such sayings are taken seriously and are frightening to young children.

Yes GA you are totally right! The correct response should have been something along the Inez of 'Did he dear! Never mind!'

It does sound like a complete over-reaction to me grannyactivist. I would have hoped that a teacher would have more sense than to take one child's word for this and accept at face value what was supposed to have been said. Even if your grandson did say this, what on earth is a five year old's understanding of a statement like 'I'm going to kill you'. I would expect a teacher of this age group to have a better understanding of child development than to think this was a 'very serious incident'.

I sympathise regarding the 'bum face' and 'poo poo head' - my slightly younger grandson's favourite expressions are 'willy head' and 'poo poo head' and he is continually saying 'ooh I hurt my winkie' when he is standing doing nothing at all and all with a big smile on his face. I ignore it as it's obviously done for attention and obviously part of learning about differences between males and female anatomy. If any other mother complained about this I would be quite shocked and tempted to tell her to find something else to worry about (though of course I wouldn't actually do so).

I think your daughter has the right idea, but how sad for your little grandson that his teacher cannot act impartially in her care of all the children in her class. She is not doing the little girl in question any favours either - what a little tattle tale she is going to be with a teacher and a mother like these.