Not sure how to feel

appygran I have to agree with you about the door mat thing, can you imagine asking your Mum to constantly babysit, we brought our own up with no help, or baby sitting. I love baby sitting but they are so un appreciative when you agree to stop everything and baby sit, that it makes you not want to do it.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Well appy gran you have what is most important, your granddaughter and daughter.

Me too Tegan but made the best of it and had a walk on the beach and lunch out with dh.

I make that resolution every now and again and as soon as the phone rings I drop everything to help. As usual, the S.O. and I are on our own this Easter and my children are with various family members .

Thank you for your reply KatyK. I do think that if you make a doormat of yourself people will wipe their feet on you. So new resolution for me, not to be so accommodating, if I have other plans when asked to child mind I will not change them, which I have been doing, unless it is an emergency. I sometimes feel that they think they are doing me a favour asking me to do child care when in reality the gain is mostly theirs. I do love my daughter and gd but my life is important too and there is a lot more to life than children and grandchildren.

appy gran - your post resonated with me. My DD's in-laws have treated her appallingly in the past. They decided that they felt 'left out' on DD and SIL's wedding day and totally ruined the day. There have been other things as well. Now they are flavour of the month for some reason and get treated very well indeed and are included in everything and we are not. I have racked my brains to try to think what we have done that is so bad. We have always been there for her through thick and thin and I now feel she has 'moved on' which is natural, but she hasn't moved on from them. It's hurtful and upsetting but as you say where there are grandchildren it's best to stay quiet. Not easy. for all on here.

Oh and I meant to say that there is some very good advice on here parcs

parcs I also understand where you are coming from, sometimes our emotions just get the better of us no matter how much we rationalise the situation.

I have been watching this thread with interest because I have also been feeling very neglected by daughter this week. Very briefly sil does not want to spend any time with us but spends a lot of time with his family and involves his own mum in outing with gd etc. This week has been gd birthday and we have not been invited to any of her many celebrations. They have had a week off and we have had a brief half hour visit plus a trip to bike shop to buy gd a new bike for her birthday. That in itself is not a problem what really bugs me is that if I phone or text(and this is not very often) I only get a reply when she is ready, could be two hours could be two days. What I suspect is that because sil does not want contact she replies when he is not around. We have been welcoming to sil and have gone out of our way to help them when needed but it makes no difference, I am really not sure what his problem is and have given up trying to understand him. I just worry that daughter is being manipulated by him. I was ready to explode and have it out with them earlier this week but thanks to all the replies to parcs I kept my cool. I am also aware that if I had done so I might loose contact with daughter and gd and not be around to support them if needed.

I am looking after gd next week, I am very useful to them when needed but it would be nice to be included in some family events. I know that I am very lucky to have such a good relationship with gd because of the childcare I have provided, some grans are not so lucky. I guess I just need to continue seeing daughter and gd when sil is working and get over it.

parcs falconbird and to all you wise gransnetters

Parcs, I so understand how you feel. When my DH passed away suddenly from cancer, two of my sons took all their grief out on me.

They really went for me verbally - I was cold, useless at coping it just went on and on. Then 7 months later my Dil lost her mum also to cancer. She also went for me big time. I could never replace her mum and shouldn't even try because compared to her I was useless.

I bore it all with as much understanding as I could manage but I spent a lot of time shaking with shock, and crying - not in their presence.

Things are much better now but I still feel bruised and battered by it all. I think this generation of young or youngish people in my case who think they can do and say what they like. When there are grandchildren involved you have to extra careful not to lose contact with them.

My mother always said "You may not be able to control how you feel but you can control how you behave, and how you behave affects how you feel".

I'm uncertain about how much one can control what one feels and if it is possible to decide what to feel. Of course, it's possible to control how one behaves regardless of inner feelings. It is also possible for feelings to change with time, with circumstances and even by looking at the situation provoking the feelings from a different perspective.

I don't suppose such musings are any help to anyone.

Jomarie I'm sure you were offering good, supportive advice. Unfortunately there are the odd occasions where it doesn't get received in the same way that it was meant.

Seems I've misjudged the posts here - was just trying to be supportive as it is so easy to be sidelined - I speak from life experience here. Sometimes it takes a different voice to make one hear.

Good advice from Tresco and Ana. Calm and breathe deeply. He(your DH) loves you and is doing his best to make it right for all of you, particularly you Help him to do this. Adds a completely new dimension to the situation. We are "woman - we can do everything"

But yet again tempers have been inflamed. Why is this? What on earth warranted jollyg's outburst?
Are there some short fuses around these days?
I too wondered about OP but came to the conclusion she just needed to offload. Hope this has worked for her!

OK.

I think it was just a typo, it was only the once. No big mystery.

I found the confusion between male or female grandchild strange too.

roses "I think the OP has gone now."

So why am I not surprised?

To quote someone that I can never remember "it's like deja vu all over again"

In the words of Shakespeare's Richard II:

"This we prescribe, though no physician;
Deep malice makes too deep incision;
Forget, forgive; conclude and be agreed;
Our doctors say this is no month to bleed."

Just to add that I do not think that what Elegran posted was in any way nasty, it was just sound common sense (as usual).

Parcs has to decide the best way forward now, whether or not to put it all behind her, forgive and forget and start afresh or to keep it simmering on the back burner.

Sometimes you just need to get things off your chest, and write it all down, don't you.

One of my sisters was dire before and after the birth of her children, it took maybe a year or two before her hormones settled down. She was always a bit selfish and it was really apparent during those years of pregnancy - she was horrible!

So we can stop arguing. Good.

I think the OP has gone now.