Pangs of sadness through getting old

The really frustrating thing of course is that just when you have the time to do the things you have always wanted to do, you don't have the strength or fitness to do them! Sigh.

Recommendations please Elegran ?

Playing uplifting music helps too (I don't mean religious music, unless that is your choice, but any music that lifts the spirits.) Nothing in a minor key, nothing slow or depressing. You want a rhythm that is near heartbeat speed, and subtle enough in its variations to keep you listening without being bored.

DH and I have just got back from having bloods done at the surgery and a neighbour I haven't seen for years came in. She told us she is 82 and looked so good. I do believe attitude helps. We do get down in the winter and while I would admit to an occasional twinge of sadness I don't dwell on it,we must make the most of the time we have left.

Mishap it works on your own too. Especially in the bathroom.

I get sad about the number of Springs and Christmasses I might still have in front of me. And I don't like to be expected to fade into the background.

I'm not bothered about looking old.

Everyone is getting older every second at the same rate, even the newest born baby. We all progress through the stages of age at the same rate as all people have since people began. We all remember our children as babies, children, young adults. Now mine are in their 40s, they are complaining about the first grey hairs and how hard it is to keep their weight down. My grandchildren have now passed the baby and toddler stage and are both at school and growing fast. They too are following the same progression as everyone else.

If you have life, death will inevitably follow at sometime and having experienced the premature loss of several people dear to me I am thankful for every second of my old age, my it go on a long time.

Singing is a brilliant antidote to feeling down - you release lots of jolly-making chemicals and you benefit from company. There is nothing quite so uplifting as as making music with a group of others - there is a sense of joint achievement which is wonderful, and in my choir we have a good laugh about the initial untuneful efforts.

Most small towns now have unauditioned community choirs who will take anyone of any age whether they read music or not, and whether they have good voices or not - it truly is worth a go as a way of rising above the aches and pains of growing older and the feelings of sadness at what you will miss.

I often think we should have a gransnet choir online - I could send out audio parts and people could then record themselves singing their part - and we could splice them all together and have a listen! Gransnet up for this??!

I missed work dreadfully when I retired - I was a college lecturer teaching computing and so spent most of my professional life with teenage boys. I realise that for some people this would be their idea of hell, but I loved their humour and irreverence. I now make sure that I don't move only in age-exclusive circles. I have belonged to the same book group for 9 years, and I am the oldest by 30 years, often reading things I would not have chosen for myself. For me, the vital bit is keeping on learning. I go to a weekly French class where I struggle a bit, but keep on plugging away. I also belong to a choral society, never having had any musical experience at all. I am still not a very good sight reader but am improving. To those of you who think you can't sing because you used to smoke - I was a heavy smoker for years and learning to sing properly has really done wonders for my lung function. Of course I can never undone the damage but it really helps you to make the most of what you've got. I refuse to feel sad about getting old - I've already outlived both my mother and grandmother and intend to make the best of what's left. I want my grandchildren to remember me as a fun, lively person who was up for anything.

I think perhaps it might be the time of year when we all feel a bit low. The winter although not bad was a bit long - it probably seems longer as you get older, and I certainly felt very jaded for several weeks - not all due to the weather, however with the sun shining it has made me feel brighter. I have also been walking to the shops - the other half had a cataract operation so has been unable to drive for a few weeks, so I have been taking a short walk to Sainsbury's every morning and have been surprised at the number of people who will nod and say hello - I am sure dog walkers will agree with this, it does brighten the day. I have also found that the young staff in shops are really helpful now-a-days, and will chat with you if they have the time - or perhaps I just like a gossip!

I don't feel sad about getting old - there's nothing to be done about it and as they say, it's better than the alternative! I agree with ginny, though. There are so many things I now know I won't do. I'm happy with the choices I've made but I used to feel if something didn't work, I could try the alternative. I may not have enough time left to try them all!

I agree with so much that has been said here. I lived for my work and it was my identity so now I struggle with being in my own mind Nobody. I know this is a negative way of thinking which can only lead to depression so I make sure I have a purpose to each day whether that be golf (I know Yawn but its exercise and you chat with others), a meeting to do with the Charity for whom I am a trustee, walking or keeping right on top of house and garden. We are planning trips now the weather has picked up - not expensive ones just a county walk and a picnic mostly. Its so important I find to have a purpose and to plan a few things to look forward to.

Yes, there are occasions when I suddenly realise that I am getting older and feel a little sad that there are many things I won't live to see. Can't do anything about it so don't dwell.

I try to mix with all age groups and am lucky that my DDs often include me in outings, holidays etc. and my DGS (12) is so far still happy to spend time with me often bringing friends along.

Most of the clubs and organisations I belong to have a good mix of ages.

DH and I enjoy cruise holiday and tours but don't fancy the Saga ones as we like the opportunity to mix with different age groups. I don't think we would enjoy living in a 'silver city'.

I love the company of my DC and DGC. I don't think DS1 and his family would have invited me to share caravan holidays with them if they hadn't liked my company. I enjoy chatting to younger neighbours who seemed a bit surprised at the number of tech gadgets I owned!

Mishap, AshTree and Ana thank you for commenting - I feel better now.

Jomarie, I do sympathise!

Retirement isn't always what it's cracked up to be for everyone, and all the exortations to join clubs and broaden one's horizons can sometimes make you feel as though it's your own fault if you aren't having a wonderful time!

I wish I could still sing - I would love to be in a choir. Like Jomarie, I smoked for too many years and though I gave it up several years ago, the damage was done. I was always in the school choir and I can remember how uplifting it was just to open your mouth and belt out a song! Such a very therapeutic activity.

Of course - we have a female tenor who could keep you company!

Can't sing Mishap, due to too many years of smoking, but can I join your choir? I can still hum in tune.....

"Pangs of sadness" indeed. One of the singers in my choir arrived for a practice tonight before everyone else and was in tears because she is in pain and feeling constantly crocked up when her mind and spirit are young.

I told her to join in and sing and that she would be feeling better in 5 minutes - and she was!

I do sort of understand this limbo that I'm in (I trust I'm not alone in this) that is being "retired" - but there is no doubt that there is a huge gap left by not working for my living anymore. I miss the daily involvement with younger people - older people are great, but people of my own age (apart from a very few close friends) bore me and have done so for many years to be honest. I guess it stems from believing I have lived a half life - ie not realising my potential let alone my ambitions. I don't want to be a burden and I know I should just "get a life" but don't seem to have the "get up and go" to achieve this now. I'm hoping I will get back my "joy of life" again soon. Meanwhile the only real joy I get is with my grandson (coming up for 3 - the really magical age!) - he is my "sunshine" and knows it. Sorry about all the quote signs but don't know how else to express myself. So many things I was going to do when I retired but life - and various complications - seems to have stalled for me. My DH, however, is so very happy in his retirement - I am envious, which is not good!!! My main ambition is not to end up like my mother - bitter, jealous and only getting pleasure out of making other people feel bad - she was worth so much more than that. Self esteem can work both ways - she had too much and I have not enough. Sorry - letting off steam to you all, not a good day..........

I can kind of relate to that absent I just feel more comfortable with people of my own age. The youngens of my family are always going on about Old people and it just annoys me, lack of respect etc.

I can not say to them I fought a war for you because I did not!! but feel like saying that for some silly reason

All the more reason for not banishing older people to the ghetto of a retirement village but then, some people actually like it and don't want to mix with younger people.

Parcs, I know it's a bit of a cliche, but have you tried joining any local clubs or groups? Something not aimed at any one age group in particular. A walking group, if you're able, or maybe a sketch class. See if there are any beginners groups if you have little experience. Local libraries are usually a good source of information about such things.
I just feel that maybe you need something in your life other than your family - seems as if it's the fact you're one of the oldest that's bringing you down a bit. Be amongst people of all age groups, where age is less important than the shared enjoyment of the group's activity.

Why is it that the older you get the faster time flies?