Gransnet forums

Ask a gran

How to feel

(16 Posts)
emmamed Thu 25-Jun-15 22:05:04

My oldest became a father last August.
Due to living nearly 100 miles away and a few hiccups, ive only met my grand daughter once.
To me I just don't feel like a nanny. Could be because I still have young children myself (youngest 19 months)
Do have others felt when they first became a nanny.

fluttERBY123 Thu 25-Jun-15 22:40:04

Hi Emmamed - I think you don't feel like a Granny as you are still a Mum! That must be great! Maybe the Gran thing will happen when you are a Great Gran. As a Gran for now sending presents and cards could be the thing and everything signed Nanny.

overthehill Thu 25-Jun-15 22:46:50

I felt great but I am very fortunate my daughter lives fairly near. I saw grandson born but I did work in the maternity unit at the time.

jinglbellsfrocks Thu 25-Jun-15 23:01:15

Depends how you want to feel. If you're happy the way things are, why worry? Hopefully the child has another nanny, so isn't missing out.

If you want to feel more like a nanny, visit more often. A hundred miles isn't that far.

Up to you really.

Jomarie Thu 25-Jun-15 23:06:41

I do think it's different if you become a Granny/nanny when you've still got little ones living with you. I know my mother found it hard to cope with and her youngest was 11 - she was also married to a man 10 years younger so was dealing with that as well - it's complicated. fluttERBY123 has got the right idea - showing interest and concern with cards and pressies has got to be the best bet - always signed with love from Nanny. Your son will really appreciate this.

Jomarie Thu 25-Jun-15 23:10:06

jinglbellfrocks - you do make me laugh - I love your straight comments on so many threads - and equally your ability to say sorry when you get it wrong! grin

jinglbellsfrocks Thu 25-Jun-15 23:12:23

grin

grannyactivist Fri 26-Jun-15 00:01:40

I am married to a man ten years my junior and our youngest child was only seven when my first grandchild was born to my eldest daughter. I was living two hundred and fifty miles away, but I did immediately feel the same emotions as I have felt for every subsequent grandchild and I love being a granny.

My daughter was twenty six when she had her first baby, so I had been anticipating the arrival of a grandchild for quite some time. I was so excited I took time off work and travelled to the hospital immediately after I got the news the baby was born.

emmamed I guess I agree with jingl really, but I just can't imagine NOT making the effort to get to know my grandchild if at all possible.

ninathenana Fri 26-Jun-15 08:05:32

My first GC was born in Germany, he was 8 wks when I first saw him. By the time DGC#2 arrived they were back in the UK living 250miles away. I would say on average we saw them once a month. Until they moved locally when youngest was 18mths. I certainly didn't feel any less a nanny. As jing. says 100 miles isn't far. I feel for those who's DGC are born and live on other continents, I wonder if they have ever felt the same as the op.

Coolgran65 Fri 26-Jun-15 09:35:54

I have a day aged 20 months who lives 5,000 miles away. We've visited once when he was 8 months old. Ds uses Skype so we can see dgs grow up. I regularly send little gifts from granny and granda. I.e. A £3 plastic watering can that cost £6 to post.
I do feel like a granny to him.
But it is definitely different to the 2 Dec who live locally. My joy with the local dgc intensifies the distance from the one far away.
However,Skype will ensure that our faraway dgs is familiar with our faces and our voices so we are not total strangers when we next see him.

I feel that 100 miles is workable for hugs and cuddles. It would be a two hour drive, a day out. Take a pot of stew and crusty bread with you for all to enjoy on arrival so no time or expense wasted on lunch.

I'd guarantee that DH and I would make the journey as often as was agreeable with everyone.

Or meet half way for lunch (picnic in the park) where little ones are not bothering diners. That's only a one hour drive, spend a couple of hours catching up, and then back home. A lovely way to spend an afternoon. smile

Coolgran65 Fri 26-Jun-15 09:38:47

Ooops.... I have a dgs...not 'day'
Ooops.... 2 dgc live locally ... not 'Dec' .

Nelliemoser Sat 27-Jun-15 07:28:59

My now 2 DGS's live 50 miles away but it's a rather slow 50 miles with no fast roads and lots of 50mph speed limits. It's a lovely scenic journey but I wish it was quicker.
However given the situation of others I should not complain. We go over about every two weeks.

absent Sat 27-Jun-15 07:46:37

You say that you don't feel like "a nanny". So that's how it is – for you. You cannot make yourself feel anything. You can, of course, involve yourself in your grandchild's life, if you want to, albeit from a [relatively small ] distance way. Being "a nanny" is not a magic wand that goes "ping" so that grandchild and grandmother instantly form some kind of unbreakable family bond. It's something that builds gradually – you can choose to do it or not. Clue: It's not about you.

Grannyknot Sat 27-Jun-15 09:03:00

100 miles is far if you don't drive or have a car, and that cannot be assumed...

I became a granny 11 months ago and I can't say I feel any different "in myself" but I'm aware that there's this new little human around that I love.

Marmight Sat 27-Jun-15 10:07:32

I can understand your feelings, especially as you have a small child of your own. I have never felt that all consuming love for my gc's - the type of love which I felt for my own children. After all, they are not my children. I love them, yes, but each in a totally different way and of course they are 'my' blood and I would do anything in my power to help and protect them. I can't understand it when I hear that GP's have fallen 'totally' in love and adoration with their gc's. Perhaps I am the odd one? confused

emmamed Sat 27-Jun-15 20:09:26

thank you for replies, glad to hear the instant love doesn't happen.