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Abusive son-in-law

(9 Posts)
OnlyBigT Tue 11-Aug-15 14:35:58

I'm new here and wanted to ask for any helping in dealing with my son in law. My daughter has recently asked him for a divorce after many difficult years and although I have never argued with this man he has decided that I am to blame. He is making it difficult for me to see my grandchildren and is calling me rotten saying I am poison and a negative influence on my gorgiious grandsons. Only 18 moths ago whilst I was working full time, he berated me for not having them often enough even though he does little with them I have two of the four twice a week to stay over and put to school and this took some organising with my busy job. He accuses me off lying about his kids( why would I ) and manipulating my daughter into leaving him( not true). I am presenting a strong front and not retaliating at all for the
Boys sake but it's eating me up inside.
Any advice would be gratefully relieved.

soontobe Tue 11-Aug-15 16:15:33

Is your daughter still living with him?

Nonnie Tue 11-Aug-15 16:33:33

I do have some similar experience and can only suggest you support your daughter in any way you can and try to have nothing to do with him. This won't stop him but if you maintain your dignity and don't rise to the bait you cannot do anything wrong.

There has been a recent thread which talked about 'what goes around comes around' or Karma. Hang on to that, it has helped me.

Lona Tue 11-Aug-15 16:42:28

I've been on the receiving end of that sort of abuse too and I agree totally with nonnie.
Don't respond to it, maintain a dignified silence and he'll probably give up.
They have to blame someone, it's never their fault!

Nonnie Tue 11-Aug-15 16:47:01

Not so sure about that Lona our awful person still rants and raves even though no one believes them any more! They seem to think that if they throw enough mud some of it will stick. We are of the firm belief that if we give them enough rope................................

TendringGran Tue 11-Aug-15 18:50:25

This is where we were ten years ago. Just get her out of there. He's not rational so no point hoping that he'll see a different point of view. Don't let it get to you.

vampirequeen Tue 11-Aug-15 19:22:26

My ex blamed my mum and my sister. He just couldn't accept that I had made the decision because he'd controlled me for so long. He simply couldn't get his head around the concept that I had a mind of my own.

This is probably your SIL's reasoning too.

Has she moved out yet? I had to leave because there was no way he would move out.

OnlyBigT Thu 13-Aug-15 15:40:59

Thank you all for replies. My daughter is unable to move out as she has 4 children under 10, 2 with SEN and are in special school units so up rooting them would be very difficult.
I am remaining silent and accepting any crumbs he throws my way as far as seeing children are concerned.
He has absolutely no insight into how much his controlling ways have damaged his relationship with my daughter.

It's lovely to be able to speak out loud with people who understand and that has helped my resolve to stay strong.

Thank you all so very much

annodomini Thu 13-Aug-15 16:28:10

She could go to the CAB to find out what alternatives she has or to a local Women's Aid organisation who may have access to legal advice if she needs it.