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Daughter in Law wants Advice

(122 Posts)
Sadiesnan Wed 23-Sept-15 21:50:41

Blimey, I don't know how to help her. She started work two and a half weeks ago as a teacher. Now she says she's depressed because it's so awful and she's going to hand her notice in.

She wants to talk about it all. Does anyone have any idea how I can help her?

annodomini Sat 26-Sept-15 09:39:59

I agree - don't probe. Let her talk if she wants to and lend a listening ear. I wonder if there was any one particular incident that turned her off.

Anya Sat 26-Sept-15 09:22:16

Sadiesnan I think getting her to talk it through is ideal. Just let her do the talking and listen really hard. Try not to advise, at least not until she's talked herself out.

Questions you might ask are along the lines of
'Has she discussed this with her mentor/HoD?'
'Does she have anyone else at the school she feels she can talk to?'
'Is there anything that might make her change her mind?'
'Would a change of school help?'

If she's done a PGCE then she already has a degree. Is there any other way she could use her qualifications? Perhaps taking a course in teaching English as a second language? My DD did that after her degree for a couple of years before going on to do her PGCE.

But please don't rush in with these questions (I'm sure you wouldn't anyway) until she's unburdened herself completely.

Sadiesnan Sat 26-Sept-15 09:09:33

She did very well during her PGCE. She's very organised and works extremely hard. There was no sign of her wanting to throw in the towel during this year. She especially liked one the the schools where she worked and really enjoyed that placement. The second school was not quite for her. It was in a very middle class area and she felt that all that was required of the teachers was to force feed the kids facts, whereas she felt getting them to think for themselves is more important. The school where she got the job is middle of the road in terms of area and on paper seemed ideal

I think some of the problem might be the high standards she sets for herself. Although really I have no idea what's gone wrong. When I see her tomorrow I'm going to encourage her to talk it all through.

WilmaKnickersfit Sat 26-Sept-15 02:28:25

Tegan I had noticed that the leaflets we get about the range of courses available locally these days is very limited. Most are either IT related or basic skills courses. I was thinking about the OP's DiL being able to transfer to teach English at some level. I don't look at job vacancies these days, so I'm not aware of what is advertised. In my day you started part time and took on extra hours until you were full time. Not ideal for the OP's DiL, but something else to think about maybe.

Tegan Sat 26-Sept-15 00:15:23

They're really cutting back on adult education at the moment I think; my daughter switched to more college based work but is now back in a school. Also there aren't the supply teaching jobs that there used to be.

WilmaKnickersfit Sat 26-Sept-15 00:03:52

NotTooOld your post is interesting because I too was a full time lecturer in FE and also taught the old C&G 730 Certificate course for Further and Adult Teachers and I was just thinking that perhaps another alternative for the OP's DiL is to transfer her skills into Adult Education. It wouldn't pay as well, but it would mean she wouldn't change careers, just direction to teach adults instead of children. I stopped teaching in 1999, so my knowledge of the Adult and Further Education work place is old and I wondered what you think?

Anya Fri 25-Sept-15 23:07:58

wink

Anya Fri 25-Sept-15 23:07:07

Especially after mcem got her knickers in a twist a tad annoyed! hmm

NotTooOld Fri 25-Sept-15 23:06:36

Get your red pens out!

Anya Fri 25-Sept-15 23:05:24

NotTooOld if she has got this far it is most likely that her previous TPs were successful and she qualified OK. If she had landed a job at a school with a good record of supporting NQTs she may well have gone on to have a successful career.

Who knows?

Ah shucks flutterby I was hoping that no one would notice blush grin

NotTooOld Fri 25-Sept-15 22:57:38

Dawdle, doddle, dawdle, doddle - let's call the whole thing off. grin

fluttERBY123 Fri 25-Sept-15 22:55:26

Where has this dawdle come from? I thought it was doddle.

NotTooOld Fri 25-Sept-15 22:55:18

Anya - I was not actually commenting on the rightness or wrongness of her teaching - just the fact that she is not coping with it. I am very sympathetic to her cause - it would have been in her interest to have found out at an earlier stage that she it is not for her.

NotTooOld Fri 25-Sept-15 22:51:56

PS I taught for many years as a senior lecturer in an FE college. I also tutored and taught on a CertEd programme. The CertEd students who did well were either charismatic, confident people who knew their subject inside out (ie they didn't need to do too much prep) or they were extremely well organised, methodical and conscientious (they did a lot of prep). There are not too many of the former but, fortunately, a goodly number of the latter. I would suggest that anyone not falling into either category is going to struggle in the classroom. I should add that I did occasionally come across a teacher who fell into both categories but they were very few and far between.

Anya Fri 25-Sept-15 22:49:31

NotTooOld there may be nothing 'wrong' with this young woman's ability to teach, it might be that, as an NQT, she's been thrown in at the deep end, with no support and too full a timetable. NQTs ought to have a reduced time table, to ease them into their new career.

You are correct that now you can do supply teaching and collect the requisite number of hours required to complete your probationary year.

flutterby spot on

fluttERBY123 Fri 25-Sept-15 22:43:30

Tresco, spot on. Teaching IS tough to start with but as a newly trained teacher she needs and deserves a lot of support and the school is at fault if she is not getting it. Tell her the motto is "Never smile before Christmas" Might raise one from her.

NotTooOld Fri 25-Sept-15 22:39:32

I believe you CAN do supply teaching as an NQT now. My neighbour could not get a full time post and has been told that if she does REGULAR supply it can count as her probationary year. If she does it part time, however, she will take longer to complete her 'year'.

I'm a bit puzzled about all this. I thought teacher training these days included a lot of school based training, ie doing the job. If that's so, it should, at least in theory, weed out the trainees who are not going to make it at an early stage. How is it this NQT got as far as she did and found the job was not for her?

Anya Fri 25-Sept-15 22:06:18

I CBA to deal with rants like this.

mcem Fri 25-Sept-15 18:47:07

Idyllic? Dawdle? How on earth do you make these assumptions from my posts?
Any experienced teachers will agree that management styles can make or break the morale of staff.
If any worker at any level achieves a satisfactory balance does that automatically mean that life is idyllic or a dawdle?
Sweeping statements indeed!
Should we then agree that unless we are stressed and on the point of giving up then we simply aren't working hard enough?
Maybe I should be suggesting that the DIL of the op along with her husband, should be seeking posts north of the border.

Anya Fri 25-Sept-15 13:44:40

PS Forgot to make it clear my niece teaches at Jordanhill in Glasgow and her husband somewhere in Motherwell.

Anya Fri 25-Sept-15 13:40:44

Did it sound hostile? Sorry. It was very much tongue in cheek as you were making the life of a secondary English teacher sound so idyllic!! grin

It's a touchy subject as I watch my DD and her colleagues struggle in our English system. Possibly she tries too hard, having been ranked as 'an outstanding teacher' at every OSTED inspection.

Strange that I should talk about the difference between the Scottish and English systems as my niece and her (teacher) husband spent time with us over the summer holidays and we had a family meal. My DD and her (ex teacher) husband naturally got into a discussion about their respective experiences and there were stark differences between the two systems, not just the curriculum but what we are discussing on this thread.

mcem Fri 25-Sept-15 13:08:07

anya at no time did I say or imply that my friend finds secondary english teaching "a dawdle". That's a snide and unjustified remark. She is a conscientious, successful and hard-working professional sho has achieved a better life/work balance by switching from primary to secondary teaching.

You're right to correct my statement that she upgraded her degree - which was in fact a requirement to gain GTC registration to teach to Higher level.
But why such a hostile reaction ?
I was however glad to see your apology for your 'rubbish' comment.
Perhaps you are right that some schools in Scotland have better support systems.

By the way, I agree that supply teaching is extremely difficult for all the reasons granjura mentions. I also found that every new short-term job meant adapting asap to differen admin systems and different discipline standards. Not an easy option!

Helping and encouraging DIL to look forward to new opportunities would be a helpful and positive way to go.

granjura Fri 25-Sept-15 12:39:48

Lottie she won't be able to do supply teaching until she has completed her probationary year though, or have the rules changed.

Must say, supply teaching is one of the hardest thing to do, as you never build up a rapport with the students, and it is the favourite activities of all students to see just how far you can push a supply teacher and make him/her run out of the classroom in tears - possibly different in primary schools.

Anya Fri 25-Sept-15 10:46:13

I hadn't seen your post Lucky and I agree with Sadiesnan - that's the way to go.

My posts last night were less than constructive due to waiting for my DD to come home and remembering my advice to her (which was totally disregarded) 'don't go into teaching, but if you must, then don't go into secondary teaching' hmm

By the way she loves her job, but is totally knackered constantly and that worries us mothers.

Sadiesnan Fri 25-Sept-15 10:40:44

Luckygirl, what a brilliant post. Thanks so much, I'm sure that's the right way to go.