Losing confidence in driving

I've lost all confidence driving over the past two years. I am ok local but can't make myself drive far. It's new layouts on roundabouts and different places that make me so scared. I feel really pathetic as I am alone and need to drive. No one has any patience even when I take it all slowly and I am so scared of being in the wrong lane. I wish I had a solution, maybe advanced driving lessons will help, I think I might make enquiries soon.

I never took my test and now am too scared of the other idiots out there. MIL has a car and we rely on her to take us shopping, etc, but she's 84 next week (OK, going on 40, but she still feels that her driving days are coming to an end). Hubby is disabled, but can drive, so we're thinking that when MIL does decide to give up driving, we'll take responsibility for her car and he can take us to the shops, etc until son eventually gets round to taking lessons and takes his test. Thank goodness for my bus pass, which allows me to use trams and trains in the surrounding areas and I do have a Senior Railcard, so I can go further afield if I want to!

I will be interested to hear how you get on, NanKate. I asked DH only yesterday whether he thought i ought to have motorway lessons. He said "we've got to actually get you to sit in the bloody drivers seat first!"

If you want to know how well you are driving as you age, the Institute of Advanced Motorists offer a Mature Driver's Assessment -well worth an hour of your time!

www.iam.org.uk/drivers/motorists-courses/driving-assessment

Well done NanKate relax and enjoy.

Hope it goes well NanKate

Just booked a 2 hour refresher course especially for motorways with a local driving instructor. I have a mixture of fear and excitement, that at last I am doing something about my nerves when driving on motorways.

I will report back after my lesson next Wednesday.

Charleygirl it amazes me you can drive at such speeds around our area its usually a 10 mph crawl for us...

Nana3 when I was working in central London, when there was no congestion charge and I could find a parking space so I had no problems. Now I would only drive into London on a Sunday because there is free parking. I would need a mortgage during the week and on Saturdays, never mind the congestion charge. It is also fine if one knows the route.

I am also used to London speeds so I am afraid that motorway speeds freak me out as I am so used to 20, 30 and if I am very lucky, 40 mph speeds.

I know exactly what you feel like *Charleygirl, especially if it's a lorry, you wouldn't stand a chance if it hit you. My friend says, only a fool ignores the 2 second rule. It seems like few people know stopping distances.

I drive on the M61 and M60, at first it was hard but now I'm used to it and it's fine, except where the motorways merge.

I'm in awe that you drive in London.

Nana3 it is difficult ignoring speeding idiots- I feel all I need to do is to open the boot of my car and invite them in as they are practically touching it. I find this scary. Maybe they do it because they see a white haired woman ahead and it is so easy to get her to move- wrong!

I could drive into the centre of London because I know the route so well but I will not go near the M25 and it is not far from me.

I saw lots of speeding on the motorway on Boxing Day, there was a lot of standing water too.
My DH always drives too fast so I elected to drive. We had DD, DGD and DGS in the car, precious cargo. All my GC say I'm the best driver.
Does anyone else have a DH/OH who drives too fast?
Don't be afraid of driving NanKate the fact that you are aware of the potential dangers makes you a better driver than many.
And stay well back from the speeding idiots.

I have just delivered my DGD to her parents and had to drive in the dark, with driving rain, flooded roads and trees down. Not for the faint-hearted!

But people are so foolhardy. I was driving slowly because I knew that in some places what looks like a shallow covering of wet across the road is actually deep water. One guy decided he knew better and overtook me, only to find he was aquaplaning over a flood - silly b****r! I knew the water was deep there, as I know the road. Why do people have to go so fast in such dangerous conditions?

How lovely to read all the posts on this thread. I am 82 and have driven since aged 25. I learnt to drive in a 5cwt Ford Van, - taught by my husband's policeman colleague. What a joy to change to a Cortina 1600cc. Toured all over France with 2 children and a tent for several years. Changed to a Humber Sceptre (2nd hand) Daughter aged 17 passed her driving test in this!! Then had more Fords and ended up with Toyota Rav4.automatic. We did regularly drive to Devon to visit family but gradually this stopped. We live near the M25 and consequently have always driven on motorways. Reading the various posts on here has given me a wakeup call to get motoring again. I too dislike night driving but hey spring is round the corner and a new year is beginning!

Thanks Lettie for your wise words.

I have asked a neighbour whose son is learning to drive for a recommendation and his instructor appears to have all the qualifications required and offers a two hour lesson for motorway driving. I suspect I will need more hours but it is a start.

To explain a little more about my lack of confidence. My DH was involved in a fatal car crash when his mum died and this has affected him all his life. Throughout our marriage he is constantly giving me tips and telling me about hazards ahead. I have never lost my temper but have found it hard not to respond. He is a lot better now but I am sure this sad situation has had an effect upon us both.

He worries if he was taken ill that I might not be able to drive to visit the GSs which involves the M25. He is right, so however many lessons it takes to get me up to speed, I will have them. Thanks for listening.

Try the AA website. They run confidence courses. You fill in a form online saying in what area you want to increase your confidence, your age etc. If you meet their criteria it's free. I did this 3 years ago as I was tired of moans about older drivers on TV. My husband is disabled and can't drive and I felt I wanted assurance that my driving was safe ( I thought it was, but how did I know?!) I had 2 separate hours with an AA trainer of instructors, I got some useful tips and assurance that I was safe. It made me much happier!

I live in the country side with no direct bus route so if I could not drive I would be very isolated. Like Sarahsue35 I have bought a sat nav. I have programmed the favourites with my relatives and friends addresses, my U3A class venue, belly dance venue etc.

This makes it much easier to go out after dark. The satnav gives the distance to the turning and the instruction to turn. No need to search for road signs obscured by dirt or driving rain.

Then of course if you miss the turn the satnav tells you what to do. Its my best friend in the car after the RAC. It is so simple when leaving somewhere to press 'home' and to follow its instructions.

Only when it tells me to go down a no through road I take the next turn and leave it to sort its self out.

This does not mean I have no maps in the car. In Wales coming back to Lancashire the sat nav sent me through every little lane it could find rather than the faster A roads. That was my fault I should have programmed it differently. I'll know for another time.

When I first retired I still did some driving as my elderly aunt, who I used to visit regularly, lived a way away. However, after she died I found I was hardly ever driving and was losing my confidence. My husband loves driving so never thought to ask me if I wanted to drive so I suggested that one of us drives to our destination and the other drives back. Luckily he was in agreement and it works well.

My dh and I drove over 500 miles yesterday, from London to NE Scotland. I drove non-stop from SW London to Charnock Richard on the M6, about 200 miles, via M25/40/42/6.

I find the M25 is actually quite disciplined with traffic management in place, far better than previously, when people used to belt long. I don't really care whether people lane-hop, so long as they don't endanger me! I've never not been able to get onto a motorway from a slip road; Ime, if you indicate, people will in general move over or flash to show they're slowing down for you. I do like getting north of the Lakes area, though, where the roads are much clearer!

This Autumn I was lucky enough to get a new car and I went for an automatic, after driving dh's auto. I absolutely adore it and would recommend one. The modern autos are so much better than those of old, mine has eight auto gears plus it can be driven in manual, if you wish, such as on the challenging mountain roads where I live.

In answer to the OP, though, definitely get some top-up lessons. It will restore your confidence and you'll feel ready to roll again!

My husband is a really good driver, he had to be for his job. I am never concerned when in the car with him.

As a non-driver, I am absolutely horrified at the risks people take on roads and motorways. Overtaking on blind bends and this kind of thing. I would not want the responsibility of driving my grandchild anywhere, I view most drivers on the road nowadays as complete nutters.

I understand your fears, Nankate. When I was in my forties my DH spent some time in hospital some 70 miles away. We had then been living in the countryside for ten years and I was out of practice with motorway driving. I had to take a very deep breath every time I entered a motorway, but had to persevere in order to visit him daily. Since then I have made a point of refreshing my motorway driving from time to time.

How about finding a driving instructor who would take you on a two-hour refresher? Or, the advanced driving course? Or, drive somewhere you've always wanted to visit that takes in some motorway driving.

Good luck!

I quite like it when traffic slows to a crawl - it feels human scale! Belting around at speed never did appeal to me.

I hate the mindset of many motorway drivers who just want to go as fast as possible and take extraordinary risks. They are the sort of people who will barge their way onwards when people are trying to get in a slip road.

Interestingly in France overtaking is not allowed shortly before and after a slip road where traffic is entering the motorway - that makes a lot of sense to me.

I live near the busiest section of the M6 - round Birmingham - and lots of the slip roads have traffic lights which are used at peak periods to allow traffic joining the motorway to queue safely - there's no question of not stopping if there's a red light ahead of you
I drive on motorways quite a lot (2 DC who live in diametrically opposed directions!) and find it fine - if tedious when traffic it is heavy and slows to a crawl for miles (can you tell that I was on the M40 on the 27th..?

I find little pleasure in driving, as has been said, there are so many idiots on the road. I have seen drivers in the car behind and in front talking on mobile phones, turning to talk to children in the back seat and so on and it scare the sh** out of me. Although I am not a slow driver, sometimes people sit on my tail at 60 mph on a single carriageway with no chance of overtaking. - when this happens I slow down to a crawl or keep tapping my brake lights until they decide I am an idiot and it is better to drop back! But yesterday I happened to drive out of town on a road I often use and there was little or no traffic, lovely scenery, fields of sheep, church spires, a soarkling reservoir, sun shining, blue sky, .... it was fantastic, I felt like Toad on the open road.

Ninanana of course if there is a queue of traffic one has to join the queue in my previous post I of course meant if the slip road was clear sorry if it I mislead you.