How do you fill your time?

Sadiesnan I also struggled with the early stages of retirement, not helped by living deep in rural France. The winters were particularly hard. There isn't a big voluntary sector round here and it wouldn't be my thing either. I belong to a book club which meets once a month. I started learning Spanish with Duolingo and now go to U3A for classes (complicated as I have three languages going on in my head). I go to a local keep fit class and out walking with French friends once a week.
That doesn't fill the time but it gives me a routine, which is important I think. Gardening takes up a lot of time in summer and in winter I try to get out and walk every day. We both love cooking and growing food, cooking and eating is an important part of our lives. I read a lot too.
I do get bored sometimes and I get quite annoyed by people who say they are never bored (my observation is that round here they flit from one activity to the next in a rather mindless way, but that may be unfair.)
I think that if you have had a busy and demanding job then coming to terms with retirement can take time and learning to live with it is part of the process.
I hope this helps.

I agree. I think Monica's post is rude and condescending.

Sadiesnan do you have a branch of the WEA in your area? If you are not familiar with them they are The Workers Eductational Association (I used to teach for them). They run a variety of courses including art/history, astronomy, literature etc. They have some good tutors who run interactive sessions which are organised mainly by the students. It's worth a try. The courses run between 5 and 10 weeks (2 hours per session).

I play Rummikub (a game with tiles based on gin rummy) with our U3A. Some members chat whilst playing others prefer to listen.

Best of luck.

You sound like the perfect person to be on or chair a committee! Lots of people go to different societies. They sit and listen to the speaker, enjoy coffee, a biscuit and a chat - and then vanish into the night. Finding people to actually contribute is difficult, but it can be rewarding - especially since you can get to find the speakers you want!

The National Trust has also been suggested and there are so many opportunities there you wouldn't believe! It'd collapse if not for the volunteers. (You get travel expenses and a discount!)

Local councillor? You don't actually need to be party affiliated at parish level in many cases as again no one wants to actually get their hands dirty and do the job, so you may find that in your parish, you'll be grabbed with open arms and co-opted.

A lot depends on your interests. I would suggest joining a few local groups (history society, WEA, gardening, etc), seeing how you get on with the people there and just let yourself become more involved.

(I helped with the washing up at our local wildlife society - and found myself on the committee a couple of months later. The history society was too intense for me - so I just attend occasional lectures as a visitor)

I started getting out and about by joining a gym and starting Pilates and yoga, I was rubbish at first but now I'm much fitter. I also do a college course one day a week doing pattern cutting and dressmaking. You might find something creative that appeals, it doesn't have to be crafty -languages, dancing, improve your IT, volunteering in a museum or library, meet up,with friends, walking etc. As others have said its good to have some structure to your week , otherwise everyday seems the same.

Oh dear! I so need to get my arse in gear and do something practical although I don't ever feel bored. I think my get up and go has got up and gone.
Maybe I am not so bad.
Two choirs, a knitting club where I am a sleeping partner at present. I am hoping my arms will improve.

A U3A play reading group. That is four days of the week and visits to the DGS's roughly fortnightly not to mention my Garden.
Not much housekeeping though.

There's some really great ideas here, thanks very much. I'm definitely going to join up at the local gym/pool and try Aqua fit, that really appeals to me. The advice to have structure to my week is a good one and l'll have a look at that. I already walk a fair bit, I have a dog and I have my son's dog several times a week. I also do a bit of childcare, I have my grandson coming on Wednesday.

I think that after having a very busy life, I struggle a bit with finding things to do rather than planning my day to fit everything in. It's a transition that I am finding difficult.

It took me quite a few years to get used to it! I think it is fine to feel a bit down about it, to be a bit bored, to take your time. The only thing I think is essential is to keep physically fit and get out in the fresh air every day. There were days when my daily walk was the only thing that kept me sane (I was struggling with a very difficult menopause too). I certainly don't think rushing out to find things to fill the time is a good idea - I am all for a bit of reflection!
It is a big life change after a career.

Thanks Maime, very understanding post.

Perhaps you could extend your walking to joining a local group, or the Ramblers, who often welcome dogs as long as on a lead. I am not a great talker either and find that while walking I can choose whether to chat or listen, and change my position in the group if I find myself near a bore!
I hope you find something to suit. It may be that when the Spring comes you will feel better anyway, I hope so.

Someone told me to think of retirement a bit like when you were younger and contemplating what to do for a course or a job - there's so many things out there and you can't do everything. You now have the opportunity to try a few new things you've never had time for. You might not like everything you try but you might find something you really enjoy.

With an educational background you would certainly be an asset on any parent teacher group - people who do not have children at the school are always in short supply and especially valuable as you bring a much broader view to the table.

Also if you have any pre schools in your area , they would bite your arm off for your background and potential organisational skills. For instance at my grandsons preschool , they are a charity run organisation, lost of willing young mums who couldn't organise their way out of a paper bag( and they wouldn't mind me saying so !!) . In desperate need of funds, the ladies who run it are fabulous at what they do but no business sense.

I am a member of the committee bringing a wealth of business experience and event management and suddenly we are actually making money.

Would something like that appeal. Not to much chit chat, all very focussed, one meeting a term and the rest is done from home.

I do hope you find the structure you're looking for , but maybe sometimes a little quiet , unbusy time is what you need too after a lifetime of busy .

Could you teach English as a second language Sadiesnan? There's usually a great demand for this in free classes run by charities.
It sounds to me as though you're looking for a focus , is that right? I fill my time by teaching English (as above), running a small homelessness charity, visiting a couple of local nursing homes and managing a houseful of guests/lodgers. And of course there are children, grandchildren and aged parents to mop up any spare time. This week I'm on jury service and there are signs in the jury room asking for people to consider becoming magistrates. When I can I also take part in free online courses by Coursera and the like. I hope you find something suitable and you'll come back and tell us.
In my case it's a case of too much to do and too little time!

Don't get up too early!!!

I get up at 9-ish. Follow with a leisurely brekker. Follow that with a leisurely bath. Follow that with a leisurely bit ofGransnetting housework, and Bingo! Lunchtime.

A walk or shopping trip by bike in pm. Then reading until way past time to rustle up some dinner.

Quite often a sesh on the exercise bike takes place between brekker and bath.

Where's the problem? Make life a breeze man.

You can always turn out the odd cupboard or two, if you can find the time. Or you could even clean a window.

Sadiesnan I am rather glad my email annoyed you. It is the grit in the oyster that forms the pearl.

Whenever I am being negative and turning down all helpful suggestions, it is the irritating person (usually DD) who tells me to get over myself and either accept one of the suggestions, find one of my own or just stop complaining that is most like me to shake me out of my negativity and make me take some action.

You have my sympathy Sadiesnan. I went through a similar period after I retired in 2003 and felt a mixture of pointlessness and sadness that I was no longer contributing to life. I do agree that it is better to have a good think about what to do next.

Eventually, after trying volunteering in different capacities I decided that really I needed something for me after a lifetime of voluntary work in addition to my career and raising a family.

So I joined a choir and absolutely love that. You meet many others from different backgrounds. You don't have to do a lot of chit-chat as mostly you are trying to learn and sing new material and it's also very good for your health.You do not have to be a good singer and there are no auditions in my choir.

I also joined the WI, which I heartily recommend. I eventually found myself on the committee and for the past two years have been president of my local Institute. Again this is great fun with a variety of speakers. activities and opportunities. You can make new friends on as close a basis as suits you. It has been a life-saver for many lonely ladies.

It is lovely having time to read, catch up on TV programmes you have recorded and can then watch at your leisure, enjoy the freedom to take advantage of a lovely day for an ad hoc outing. Like many others, I often wonder how I found time to work.

Good luck and I hope you find as much satisfaction in your "golden years" as I have done.

You actually e-mailed her? Respect! Pure dedication to control freakery helpfulness.

That was to monica btw

MOnica, I think you should take your comments and shove 'em where the sun don't shine.

Oh, Sadiesnan, what a shame. All the other posts were positive ones, so don't let the one rather critical one get you down. I agree - when I read it I felt it was a bit harsh; you were, after all, asking for constructive help. Do give some thought to the ideas offered. The volunteering suggestion seems like a good idea, and if you are into fitness, joining a gym or a walking group would be good. You can interact as much or little as you like. Please do get back to us and let us know if you have found something that interests you.

If you don't fancy WI or Townswomens Guild (which I can heartily recommend, you can just join, listen to an interesting speaker and chit chat as much or as little as you like, go on theatre and other trips etc, join the committe or not) - how about the National Women's Register? They take it turns to research a topic thoroughly then present it at the next meeting, then everyone discusses it.

Our U3A doesn't seem to spend time chatting and having coffee, there are all kinds of classes and activities organised and, of course, they look for people to run the classes.
A friend used to run literacy classes for adults who are unable to read and write (not through U3A).
Look on it as 'what have I got to offer the community' rather than 'how can I fill my time'!

(That sounds very laudable, but I tend to jinglebellsfrocks' philosophy, ! But I always seem to be busy too)

Ps without the bikes, though, as last time I tried it I went over the handlebars

Sympathy, Sadiesnan. It's not easy at first, especially for those of us who are not as sociable as others. But there is a lot of stuff out there and it takes a bit of effort to find out what suits.
There are lots of good suggestions above, and I wish you all the best in finding which is best for you.