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How do you persuade an elderly relative it's time to stop driving?

(57 Posts)
harrigran Fri 15-Jan-16 11:27:28

My aunt was 83 and had terminal cancer, she sometimes had seizures, she would get in her car and turn up at relative's homes. GP would advise her but could not physically stop her, in the end one of her nieces locked the car in the garage and took away the ignition and garage keys. To say she was furious was an understatement but needs must, if she had injured someone it would have been horrendous.

Nelliemoser Fri 15-Jan-16 11:11:49

My friend eventually had to take her dad's car keys home with her as his dementia made him unsafe.
He was really angry and gave her very hard time.

i would suggest making an appointment with his GP and explaining your concerns, put it in writing as well. I am sure the GP, if has been informed that his patient is possibly unfit to drive, has some responsibility to ensure public safety.

annodomini Fri 15-Jan-16 11:06:48

If her driving is so erratic, it might indicate failing eyesight. Does she have regular eye tests? If there is a problem, she might have her licence revoked, as happened to my uncle, who was then 85, when cataracts were diagnosed.

EllenT Fri 15-Jan-16 10:58:47

Had the same issue with my late Mum in her mid-eighties. We as family tried to persuade her to stop, including refusing to travel with her, with no success. It took an incident where a concerned stranger noticed the erratic driving and kindly accompanied her home before she finally acknowledged the time had come. (I live at the other end of the country and only knew about this when the Good Samaritan phoned me.) So, jackypat, perhaps a word from a friend or a doctor or someone else outside the family might do the trick.

gillybob Fri 15-Jan-16 10:46:05

My late FiL would not stop riding his motorbike and he was well into his 80's and quite feeble. No matter what we said, or threatened he would just take it out. He was really quite dangerous to other road users. It wasn't until the bike fell on him and he lay there for over an hour with it on top of him, unable to get out from underneath, that he finally realized enough was enough.

So maybe it might take a little scare (nothing serious I hope) to make your mum realize that her driving days might be over jackypat ?

Cher53 Fri 15-Jan-16 10:31:24

Although I haven't had the experience of this, you really need yourself and your sisters (if possible) to sit down and have a serious talk with your mum. If she really won't listen, refuse to get in the car with her (drastic I know, but it will be even more drastic if she kills someone). I do not know if it is a possibility to approach your mum's doctor?

Perhaps other Gransnetters can advise or have experience of this? As I said these suggestions are what I would try.

jackypat Fri 15-Jan-16 10:18:52

My mother is 82 she is fiercely independent and still driving. As one of her three daughters I and my sisters are too frightened to be in the car when she drives. We have all suffered near misses, driving too fast, wandering out of her lane etc. She would be mortified if she hurt anybody. My father is unable to drive any more because of his sight and is anxious about her driving too. Last year she had hip and knee replacements and I taxied them around and friends helped with lifts so they know they can function without a car. Help please! Have you had this job to do or have you been the recipient of a request to stop driving?