To all grandparents, from a recently bereaved granddaughter

I am a 'new' Gran but already the love I have for my granddaughter is unconditional. I am hoping I have the same close relationship with her that I had with my own Gran. Please don't feel concern (or even guilt) your Gran didn't know how much you loved her, or that you didn't 'say enough'. She will have known and held you in her heart constantly in the same way that you hold her in yours. She might not be around physically now but she will continue to live in in your heart and mind always.

I am certain she knew. You had such a wonderful bond and to continue to visit as a teenager showed her how much you loved her. Actions speak louder than words. She knew.

Berley

I'm certain your Grandma knew how much you loved her.

Your Grandma would want you to be happy, that's what Grans and Nans want more than anything in the world for their grandchildren, and I have 3.

Grandchildren are so special. It's life going on and hope for the future. it always seem like a miracle to me that not only did I have children, but they had children too and I'm sure your dear Gran felt the same way.

My mother had a dementia and I remember so well the way her face would light up when her grandsons visited her. She lived to be 90 and would say "I'm so glad I saw them grew into men. I feel very lucky."

Berley Your posts made me cry. She knew alright, don't ever doubt that. Take care of yourself love and enjoy the memories you have of your lovely Grandma.

So sorry for your loss*Berley*. If my Grandchildren grow to be as thoughtful and loving as you are I will count myself very lucky.

Thank you all so much for your kind words of sympathy.

I'm sorry for my grief-stricken post; the hole that's been left in my heart is just unbearable at the moment and although no one can speak for my Grandma, I suppose I am trying to find solace in the bond other grandparents have with their grandchildren.

The last time I saw her only a few days before her death, she gave me lots of kisses and at one point took my chin in her hand and looked at me - something she's never done before - and even without words I found it so precious.

I think deep down I do know how we felt about each other; I'm just trying to find something to pin my sadness on that feels answerable, rather than it just being because I already miss her.

Once again, my apologies for pouring my heart out here.

Berley sorry for your loss. What a lucky grandma to be so loved. You sound such a lovely person I am sure your grandma loved you very much and knew how you felt about her. You must have had a very special relationship.

Berley so sorry for your loss.
You can rest assured that your Grandma certainly knew that you loved her and with all your visits and all the things you shared over your life she would not even need to be told as it would be in your every touch, cuddle and whisperings to her from when you were a tot.
Just remember her when she was able and all the things she did and said and shared with you, the places you went and the things you laughed about together.
As you find your own true love and then have your own family you can share with them about her and all the good times you had. She will live on through you and your children and eventually your own grandchildren to whom you will be as great a treasure as your grandma was to you and undoubtedly as you were to her.
The pain of loss is a grievous thing but we learn so much through it and the biggest thing will be that you are so glad to have known her and that she was your Grandma and that you were very special to each other.

Sympathy on the loss of your beloved grandma. Of course she knew you loved her. You lost the grandma you shared so many good times with a while back and that is the great sadness of dementia. It is like losing a person twice.
With the passing of time I am sure you will remember the happy days with your grandma, before you lost her to dementia, more readily. You will always miss her but you will be able to smile and feel happiness in remembering her and the times you shared.

Bless you Berley...what a thoughtful and caring post. As others have said, dementia is a cruel illness. I lost my mum and my children's much loved grandma to it so I know how hard it is. Even though my mum lost all her faculties and her body shut down over a period of 10 years, I am convinced that right to the end she knew how much she was loved. I never had grandparents and now that I am a grandma five times over who also has two Angel grandsons, the power of love I have for all my beautiful littlies is so strong. You sound a wonderful grandaughter and your grandma would be so so proud of you. Believe me from all you have done she will know how much you loved and cared for her. Hold onto those beautiful memories and treasure the times you had with your grandma; she will always be so loved, very much missed and with you in your heart forever.
Take care. X x

Hi Berley so sorry for your loss - dementia is such a cruel and devastating illness not just for the sufferer but also their family. Both my parents had it so I speak from experience and your grandma sounds very like my mum who also couldn't talk, hear or even walk in the last 18 months of her life. Two things I can tell you though - my two sons, her grandsons, loved her and my dad very much and they were all very close. They only lived round the corner and spent a lot of time together as they grew up. When my eldest son gave them 2 great granddaughters they loved them just as much and the girls felt the same. In the last year of mums life when I could get no reaction from her if my son and his family visited her face lit up and she obviously recognised them even though she couldn't say their names. I believe my other son put his emigration plans on hold until they had both passed away - he was particularly close to my dad. Rest assured no matter what your grandma could remember at the end she would know how much you loved her. Take care

Of course we do. Please don't beat yourself up about it. Grief is hard enough. By the time we become grandparents we have a greater understanding of loving. We understand that our children and grandchildren lives move on and that doesn't mean we're loved any less. It's all part of the circle of life. It sounds as if she had a big influence on your life and you are part of her legacy. This questioning and guilt is also part of the grieving process. One day your memories of her will make you smile. She lives on in you. you sound like a lovely granddaughter. X

What a lovely thoughtful post Berley - I am so sorry that you have lost your grandmother - it always hurts even when you realise that it is a "blessing."

I worked for many years with people with dementia and I am sure that the hugs that you gave her when you saw her were appreciated. I always found that people whose minds were declining could always appreciate touch.

It sounds as though you both had a very special relationship and that would still have been with her even if she had no way of expressing herself. It would simply have become a part of who she was.

The grandchild/grandparent relationship can be very special - I have a teenage GS who can be a holy terror but he always says "Love you Grandma" when he signs off on the phone - such a precious thing to me.

Your grandma was obviously a very special person for you and I am sure it was reciprocated. I know that it is all very raw at the moment, but please remember that the special relationship you had with her is a true part of who you are and that you are very lucky to have had that. It is something good for you to look back on and to take with you as you got forward in your life.

My answer is that grandparents' love is unconditional and they don't need it to be reciprocated.
I am quite certain, though, that your grandmother knew how you felt about her and was proud of you making your way in life.

Sorry to hear about your gran. Its a very sad time for you. No easy answer to your question. My suspicion is ,that like people on here , we love our grandchildren very much and can only hope it is reciprocated. So it sounds like it was most likely to be a 2 way thing with your gran. I'm sure she knew deep inside her how much she mattered to you.
I was a bit unusual in that my gran somehow must have known she didn't have long although was completely compos mentis. I had the blessed opportunity to tell her how much I loved her and to thank her for everything. She went to sleep that night and never woke again. Sorry. That doesn't help you much. I just remembered it all over again.