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(12 Posts)
GrannyPiggy Tue 16-Feb-16 14:19:19

Putting this out there to clear my mind!
So DS has announced he is to move in with his lady friend next week, fine, I'm happy for him he's been around us long enough grin
Now, there is an 8 year old child, and obviously he is central to this relationship working.DS adores him and likewise the other way round.
We are new grandparents, DGS only 5 mths and I'm a bit worried how DD is going to feel about us having a SGS so soon. We have to accept and love this little boy as our DS is to be a parent to him and maybe siblings in the future but something's niggling in my head and I don't feel good about these doubts
I think it would be easier if he were smaller
I'm sure there are lots of you with this experience and can give some useful advise

nightowl Tue 16-Feb-16 14:49:08

Same happened to me Grannypiggy, my first DGS (daughter's child) was 3 months old when DS announced he had a new girlfriend who had a 4year old son. We met the girlfriend at that point but did not meet her son until 5 months later as she was wary about introducing too many new people into her son's life, which I thought was very sensible. They all moved in together a few months later and that was 5 years ago.

There were no problems with DD accepting another child joining the family, and I felt as if I had won the jackpot getting two lovely boys in such a short time. There have been some natural ups and downs with settling into new relationships but I can honestly say that both boys have made our whole family complete (plus another DGS who came along last year).

Try not to worry, let things unfold, children really do bring their own love with them and I'm sure it will all work out in its own way. 8 is not really very old and 8 year old boys can be good fun, and old enough to enjoy your baby GS without any rivalry. Sending best wishes to you all flowers

Shestheone Tue 16-Feb-16 17:12:06

Hi grannyPiggy. I felt something similar when my daughter met a man with a three year old son and then went on to have a little boy with him.

It just seemed so complicated, with the other parent and grandparents......I don't know why I worried! smile He is just as much a part of my family as our 'own' grandson and just treats us as extra grandparents.

I don't have any advice, other than to echo what nightowl says - and enjoy having two small boys to spoil!

Leticia Tue 16-Feb-16 17:26:50

Looking at it the other way around I was the one with an 8 yr old son and DH's who family just welcomed him and have never treated him any differently from the joint children that we had later. I really can't see why it should upset your daughter, her son gets an older cousin to give him plenty of attention.
Love just expands- love for one child doesn't take it away from another.
DD is going to have a ready made nephew.

kittylester Tue 16-Feb-16 17:53:57

I agree with all the above posts. DS2 met the love of his life who happened to have 2 boys aged 3 And 6 and at the same time our dds started producing babies. The bigger boys loved having baby cousins, who are mostly girls and the little ones love the big ones. You'll find plenty of love to go round.

Since DD3 met her new partner his sister has been fantastic with DD's children.

You have to be strictly fair though as he is, to all intents and purposes, another DGC.

PamSJ1 Tue 16-Feb-16 18:11:34

My son's partner is 9 years older than him and had 3 children already now 17 (twins) and 15. They had our first grandchild last July, a wonderful surprise as they had both said that they wouldn't behaving any. It hasn't been easy for my son as he is only 10 years older than the twins. We all had Christmas Dinner together and her daughter has been out with other members of our family.

tiredoldwoman Wed 17-Feb-16 05:36:05

These amalgamated families seem to be increasing at speed . It's happened to me twice in the last year ! Both my daughters have married men with children in the last year . At first I I was conscious of over trying, then I relaxed about it a bit ,and things fell into sensible places . I kept having to remind myself that both sets of children already have good relationships with natural grandparents . I am the third Granny figure in their lives but will be willingly available if they need me - they're all in their teens so food seems to be the need !!

Greyduster Wed 17-Feb-16 09:05:55

I could have written your post myself tiredoldwoman! My son has two stepsons who were pre-teens when he got together with their mother. They are now 20 and 17. We have never regarded ourselves in any grandparent role (they have one set of grandparents) but have the best relationship we could hope for. They are comfortable in our company and in our home, and yes, they like to be fed! We have one grandson - DD's child - who is the absolute light of our lives. He has grown up knowing the boys and gets on well with them. When the older SGS went uni, GS was much exercised by the fact that he wouldn't be with his mummy and sleeping in his own bed. It worried him!

Footlady Wed 17-Feb-16 10:09:19

We have 4 SGC, no natural ones and probably never. Two of the SGC were quite young, 3 and 5, (now 14 and 15) so we've known them most of their lives and love them dearly, they live with our Daughter and their dad and you would never know they were not our daughters natural children, SGC number was about 12 and SGC number 4 would have been 16 when our daughter met their dad. SGC number 3 was marched around to our house by his mum at the age of 13 and presented to me with his worldly belongings in a black plastic bag as his mum didn't want him anymore (her words) as were the two youngest, they were thrown out last year for the same reason, aged 13 and 15 now. Eldest SGD has nothing to with my daughters side. We are lucky enough to have a really healthy relationship with the three youngest children and have even made provision in our wills for the. We have been lucky that their dad and our daughter have been do tolerant over the years and always there for the children. Like not May this go on. So, don't despair patients, understanding and time may be all you need. Good luck all us SGPs.

GrannyPiggy Wed 17-Feb-16 13:50:31

Thank you for all your words of wisdom
I'm sure it will all be fine. I'm more worried about over compensating but we'll all learn together
I've just asked what cake he likes so I can send one over with DS later
As you say ' the way to a mans heart ' ... Even little men lol

f77ms Thu 18-Feb-16 12:46:55

That is so thoughtful of you Graanypiggy . I have 3 SGC and they have all grown to love me as I have them x

annsixty Thu 18-Feb-16 12:56:21

It does to some extent depend on the child as well as you and how you react. We have 2SGC from my son and there is very little relationship with them, nothing bad just nothing really. My ex DiL has 2 children with her second partner and they are just like GC although all we have in common is that they are my GD's half siblings. They love us and can't wait to visit or for me to to things with them. Good luck with it,it can be very rewarding, just don't expect miracles.