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Support for children during IVF

(6 Posts)
SushiQ Thu 25-Feb-16 17:27:15

I am a soon to be gran. One child is expecting a baby soon after just a year of marriage. My other child and their partner have been having infertility treatment and have just found that their first cycle has been unsuccessful. They are upset and not ready to talk. I am respecting this and they know we are here for them, but it is heartbreaking to feel so helpless. I would be interested to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation to this with their adult children.It is difficult to find anyone to talk to about this as it is their news not mine to share. Hoping someone has some thoughts...

Luckygirl Thu 25-Feb-16 18:13:41

Not with adult children but with my niece, and the situation was compounded that she did get pregnant once but sadly lost the pregnancy very early on - at exactly the same time as one of my DDs became pregnant. So when our new GC arrived it was exactly when my niece's should have been here. Very hard for her.

I do not know what you can do for the best - it is a very emotional time, and I know with my niece I was lost for words - asking how it was going was difficult for them (especially if things were not going well) but not asking implied not caring. It is a tightrope.

But it is your child, so maybe you can ask a direct question about whether they wish to be asked, or whether they prefer to be left to volunteer information - then you can do what suits them.

It is a roller coaster, and the tension around the time of the next period is huge (am I or aren't I?). I am sure that they know you love them and are thinking of them. Maybe just take your lead from them. I hope that there will be a happy ending for you all.

wot Thu 25-Feb-16 18:28:54

It's a heart breaking thing to be infertile. However, as the woman gets older and past child bearing age, the pain eases. Until their families/ contemporary s start having grandchildren. Then there's another pang. Best just to think of the other side of the coin and imagine having children that have turned out to be nothing but trouble.

SushiQ Fri 26-Feb-16 08:10:32

Than you Luckygirl for your thoughts. I am sure they are wise words and we will try to stay positive and be as supportive as we can

ninathenana Fri 26-Feb-16 08:44:46

I feel for your family. I tried to get pregnant for 10 yrs.after we married. We had just started under going investigations when I discovered I was pregnant (subsequently had another child) I don't know the reasons for your child's infertility but I just wanted to say there's always hope. I will cross my fingers for them and you.

Anniebach Fri 26-Feb-16 09:48:52

You can only be there if they want to talk , there is nothing you can do , you will have to take their disappointment, anger, grief , depending on the reasons for their infertility it may work if they go for it again, she may conceive naturally .

I have been where you are now for twenty years , I wish I could be positive but truth is no one can be , it goes on month after after month , but hold onto the fact that you daughter may conceive , please don't give up hope for them , and you have to be prepared for their reaction to the birth of their niece/nephew , I am so deeply sorry for you and your family X