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New grand-daughter

(12 Posts)
Lizzy53 Tue 21-Jun-16 09:13:34

Hello fellow Grans, I am Step Gran to two lovely children, that I get on very well with and have done since their birth.
My son and dil recently had a much awaited baby and she is just adorable, after a very traumatic birth they are finding their feet as new parents. I am finding that I am worrying myself sick over this precious wee one, my dil's Mum lost a baby to ISDS and I am finding that I can't stop worrying about this.
Am I being extra paranoid or is this a worry many of us have?

Jenty61 Tue 21-Jun-16 09:31:33

yes I know where your coming from and yes its quite normal to worry you are being extra paranoid at all..

Indinana Tue 21-Jun-16 09:40:21

Tiny new babies look so vulnerable, don't they? I worried like anything about my three GC when they were new, terrified about all sorts of disasters befalling them, much more than I ever worried about my own DC! But I think that's because we're not the ones in control now, so we feel a kind of helplessness about them. It's not that we think our DC are not as capable as we were, not that at all. It's just that our GC are there, and we are here! And we're not the ones doing all the work, running around after them, feeling exhausted etc, so we have time to sit and think..... and worry.
You are not being extra paranoid, honestly. You're being like all of us smile. And it does get easier as they get older.

cornergran Tue 21-Jun-16 09:48:25

lizzy , firstly many congratulations to you all. I understand completely, was in a similar position. Looking back I accept worry was both appropriate and inevitable so don't be too concerned about your reactions. My only 'but', and it is a big one, is please don't let this anxiety stop you enjoying this wonderful time. This little one will have excellent care and I am sure your DIL wil be having good support from healthcare professionals. You all need lots of reassurance just now,, sounds as if you may all need a bit of time to recover from the difficulties of the baby's arrival. Are your son and DIL also very concerned? In our family the parents bought a baby monitor with a pad which would alert if their little one stopped breathing and also had a camera sod they could see him. It helped them enormously in the earlier days and also gave confidence to babysitting grandparents smile. You will all find your way, so please try to enjoy this little one. It's a special time for you all. If you find the worry really overtakes you perhaps a chat with your own doctor might help settle things a bit.

Rosina Tue 21-Jun-16 09:49:50

Congratulations! Probably you would not be normal if you didn't have worries about the grandchildren - we all do, to some degree, but they mostly survive it seems!You are not paranoid, it is the price of love, which is very high indeed at times, as all we Grannies know. Indinana is so right, it's because we are not completely in control of the care; I got very worried when my Dil put the baby on her back to sleep. This made no sense to me as we were always told to lay the baby face down with the head to one side to free the nostrils and allow any milk regurgitated to run out. Evidently though the 'back to sleep' campaign has reduced cot deaths. So, every generation has its own ideas, every Granny no doubt stands there thinking 'Agggh - that's not what you should be doing' but we blunder along and the children grow very nicely. Enjoy your lovely new family member Lizzy.

Cagsy Tue 21-Jun-16 09:59:56

Congratulations Lizzy, it's the most amazing thing to be a grandparent. You are bound to be anxious but I'm sure this will ease as you all get to know each other, the early days can be quite tricky. I think my DC and their partners are wonderful parents and the joy of watching them caring for their very own DC is indescribable. Try to relax and take your cue from the new parents, only give advice when asked for (and even then with caution) and realise every generation does things differently and has to find their own way. Wishing you all much love and joy flowers

Synonymous Tue 21-Jun-16 10:02:49

Lizzy congratulations to you and the whole It is part of our design that we all have these protective and nurturing feelings so is entirely normal to feel as you do. The parents are the ones who are in charge so just relax and take your smaller part in it and most of all enjoy this new little one. smile

Judthepud2 Tue 21-Jun-16 10:57:45

Congratulations Lizzie! Really everybody who has posted has said it all. It's the lack of control and tiny babies, especially after a difficult birth, seem very vulnerable. But as a Midwife friend of mine said, babies are born with a very strong survival instinct.

And your DS and DIL will work out their own way of looking after this much wanted baby. You need to step back and just enjoy the cuddles. Easier said than done, I know. I have a well bitten tongue from experience.

Sorry for my ignorance but I don't know about ISDS. Is it hereditary? Things have moved on a lot in medical science since your mum lost her baby.

Indinana Tue 21-Jun-16 11:03:42

@Judthepud I think she possibly meant SIDS, probably a typo wink

yogagran Tue 21-Jun-16 11:50:49

ISDS is infant sudden death syndrome

Anya Tue 21-Jun-16 12:37:45

It's more usually Sudden Infant Death Syndrome....but does the order matter?

Lizzy53 Tue 21-Jun-16 15:48:30

Thank you all so much, it's good to know many share my feelings/worries. My DS and DIL are managing well, and my fears are well hidden and I give advice only when asked for. 👶