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What is a 'typical ' boy?

(235 Posts)
oldgoose Thu 18-Aug-16 17:48:59

To my mind a typical boy is quite physical, on the go a lot, likes the odd playfight, enjoys football, running around and maybe riding his bike. My friends grandsons burst into the room, jump all over her and then start to fight each other.
My Grandson is 10 and he is very quiet. He is gentle and kind and has 3 friends who are slightly 'nerdy' but also enjoy football and are loud when they want to be. My Grandson likes computers, reading, and collects stationery, he has more than they have in WH Smith. Close friends and family are all beginning to say that he is gay. That dosn't matter a jot, but should we put labels on children quite so early? My Grand-daughters on the other hand are both tomboys, love to play football, climb and pretend to be super -heroes, but no-one has said that they might be gay. I feel sorry for my Grandson because people expect him to be different and don't seem to understand that he needs to be himself. Has anyone else had this with their own children or grandchildren?

grannypiper Fri 19-Aug-16 16:29:02

What horrible friends and close family you must have, leave him alone he is just a normal child who is introverted not all children are extroverts.i wish him nothing but peace and nice family

soldiersailor Fri 19-Aug-16 14:51:06

There's nothing to worry about, more to be grateful for with this young man. It seems to me he's someone rather special This could have been me as teenager.

babyjayne Fri 19-Aug-16 14:14:56

These days I don't know how anyone can be put in a category, especially at 10, ridiculous.
At 10 my grandson,although he loved sport, was very quiet, polite and would do anything for you, but since he has been in High School he is a different person. Is in a debating group, has been on television and really came out of his shell. (He's still polite and helpful and has been made head boy. Very proud of what he has achieved).
I see lots of children playing on different technical devices not speaking a word to their parents, or anyone else unless it happens to be a friend.
As long as he speaks occasionally I don't think he's any 'different' to other children. My grandchildren don't see me very often but when they do they spend about 15mins with me then they are straight up into their bedrooms to do their own thing.
10 is far too young to make any assumptions. He will change considerably when going through puberty. As many parents will testify.

angsw Fri 19-Aug-16 13:49:52

You could be describing my son, now days away from 21.

He loved his teddies, numerous garden picnics, build a bear his destination of choice although he also loved playing with his toy cars too - just not noisily.

It really annoyed me hearing people say, with a particular tone, etc
'Oh boys... they'll eat anything, eat you out of house and home, always love sports, lively, etc etc

In his early years he played a lot with the girls - they could be bossy but also protective and were not rough. At secondary boys, there were so many that it was easy to avoid gym/sports - lots of others vying to be on teams, not him.

During secondary he did start to make different friends, not particularly 'cool' but away from the early more 'nerdy' ones.

He has always been a home bird. He's just been away for 3 weeks, first time away, and quite a life experience. He has loved meeting lots of people and is quite sociable but not into clubs. He likes the odd party but really enjoys smaller groups out with lots of chat rather than action.

Didn't mean to go on so much but I could feel so much for you!

ginny Fri 19-Aug-16 13:34:12

Well said Rosina and all.

I wish my Ex Son in law would realise this.

My DGS (13) is a thoughtful sensitive but amusing, friendly young man. He'd rather be making models than playing sports. That is not to say he is inactive. His father insists on him going to Rugby training, swimming and even goes as far as booking him a personal trainer twice a week. DGS does these things to please his father but I hope he will soon be old enough to tell his Father it's not who he is and he doesn't want to do it.

Seb2015 Fri 19-Aug-16 13:25:17

My friend's husband is very bloky - there's nothing he can't build or mend and he loves showing my DGS how to do things with spanners etc, which is very kind. However, he comes out with comments like, 'Come on, put your back into it, you're not gay!' OMG, I want to kill him - for a start my DGS is 3! And secondly, why the hell is he using the word gay as if it's an insult? I despise the man!! My DD is annoyed too but reckons that DGS will come across idiots like this and she will use him as an example of how uneducated, stupid, bigoted idiotic some people are.

Rosina Fri 19-Aug-16 13:09:09

How dare anybody judge and comment upon a child who is doing nothing unusual - just being himself. My Grandson is gentle, kind hearted,thoughtful and mature for his years. He is small for his age, and although he plays football he is not a rough and tumble person - he is just himself. Ignore these buffoons - we are all different and if they have nothing better to do than suggest a child is gay just because he isn't fighting everyone, then it says a lot more about them than it does about him.

nannypiano Fri 19-Aug-16 12:24:22

My DGS was a quiet loner, happy to play computer games in his room at all times. A kind thoughtful boy, very polite and sensible. But my son worried a lot about him because he wasn't mixing with his peers. When he hit 15, everything changed. Now my DS is worried because he is never home and hasn't even got time for a decent chat. The only thing important to him is getting back to his newly found friends, who are as nice and sensible as him. A mixture of boys and girls. Poor boys can't win. I try and pacify my DS saying if he is showing independence then the parenting must have been good. That consoles him a little.

Irenelily Fri 19-Aug-16 11:57:17

I'm sure, Oldgoose, that Oznan's post about her 18 year old grandson is reassuring. My eldest grandson, now mid twenties, never liked football, wasn't keen on school play times. He loved making up stories and plays, when he was young with pirate ships and castles, later writing them. Because he was quiet and interested in clothes he used to meet the girls in his class in a group to go shopping! They all liked him. He only had friends not "girlfriends". He studied music technology and did some background work on films but now is doing TEFL. Now at last he has a girlfriend!
Contrary to what the media push out, life doesn't revolve round football!

Juggernaut Fri 19-Aug-16 11:50:53

oldgoose
Your lovely grandson is 'marching to the beat of his own drum'!
Anyone can act like a sheep and follow the crowd, I'd rather be different!

JackyB Fri 19-Aug-16 11:45:52

Yes - what happened to the nerds? My eldest son had loads of friends who had no interest in football or playing rough or fighting, but spent all of their time on their computers and Nintendos. On holiday, they would curl up with books rather than splash in the waves.

It was perfectly acceptable and they are now all well-off managers in the IT world and have lovely wives and children. (And are keen cyclists, climbers, or similar) I'm sure we didn't complain about them not playing football at the time.

oznan Fri 19-Aug-16 11:15:26

He sounds like my oldest grandson who is just about to turn 18-one of the loveliest people you could wish to meet.He happily describes himself as a nerd,has always been a voracious reader,loves computer games and baking and is quiet and thoughtful.He is also very intelligent and works hard at his studies.People have said he must be gay since he was about your grandsons age.He has a wide circle of friends,male and female,some older than him.He is strongly anti-smoking and hates the taste of alcohol.I have always supported him in knowing his own mind and sticking to his own principles,as have his parents.
It is sad that others feel the need to pigeon-hole children at a young age to conform with their own ideas of where they will "fit" into adult society.My grandson has been sensitive about being a teenager as perceived by the majority,e.g.,he has always hated wearing "hoodies" in case he was seen as a thug.Almost as though he had to apologise for being "a teenager" rather being seen as the lovely young person he is.
He is now very happy in his own skin and takes any judgement doled out to him with good humour.
Please be happy and proud to have such a wonderful grandson!

M0nica Fri 19-Aug-16 11:03:28

Jalima Why thankfully, totally uninterested in football? Because
all our family are physical active in many ways, but just not into football.

Lewlew Fri 19-Aug-16 11:02:50

He sounds lovely. Some kids are quiet and have different interests, no matter their gender.

So he's not macho... BFD. He might grow up to be one of those scientists/engineers on Big Bang Theory. Lots of money, and pulling all the best girls (just kidding!). grin

I find those two brothers play-fighting a bit odd as a reflex behaviour when visiting others. Hyperactive? Undisciplined? Or maybe they are just boisterous and copy behaviour they encounter at home or school, and it's nothing more than that.

But....there is a weird creepiness to it as I was reminded of those women in Plymouth who encouraged their toddler siblings to fight when they didn't want to and got found out.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/devon/6574907.stm

DianneAngel Fri 19-Aug-16 10:49:18

Sounds like the lad is an introvert and good for him. My youngest son is the same. He is now 25yrs and still doesn't have a girlfriend but assures me that he is not gay. (Not that I would mind if he was) . He says that wife and children are on his agenda but that he wants to concentrate on his career first. He was, also, never sporty but took up horse riding a few years ago and goes to the gym.

So my advice would be to leave the lad alone. Bottles need labels children don't. hugs

meandashy Fri 19-Aug-16 10:32:13

Celebrate all children not matter if they don't conform to the 'norm' whatever that is!! People are too quick to judge & label. He sounds delightful ?

Lupin Fri 19-Aug-16 10:15:55

Love Regalo's reply. A 10 year old boy who has the strength of character to be himself no matter what IS to be celebrated. May he find much love in his life.

hulahoop Fri 19-Aug-16 10:13:46

My oh hated football in fact any team sport he preferred walking and trains had friends with same interests . Don't know why people put children in boxes they are individuals he sounds a caring lad

Sam65 Fri 19-Aug-16 09:49:44

Your grandson sounds great and being kind and gentle makes a pleasant change to all the boys who think they can be loud, noisy and badly behaved. If not likng football makes people think he is gay then fine. But as others say yhat label is bandied about too much and at such a young age it is ridiculous.I am sure he will find a sport he likes one day. The trouble is this often limited in school but there are plenty to choose from. Maybe he prefers chess or other things like that. But does it really matter, he is himself and as long as he is happy let him be. If your granddaughters are his sisters and they tomboys he might just want to be away from them and find peace!

angie95 Fri 19-Aug-16 09:45:14

There is no such thing as a typical boy or girl, and to label children is cruel, Your grandson, is happy and interested in other things, My son who is ow 21, has never been "into" football, proffering to draw, and read, as a child, yea he played with action figures, but was never a rough and tumble boy, He now works, plays the drums , bass guitar and keyboards, has a lovely girlfriend and is happy, still quiet, still draws and reads, so please ignore what other people say, its a load of old tosh Oldgoose, he is happy, and has you i his corner, he is perfect! xx

Stansgran Fri 19-Aug-16 09:44:51

Loopylou that is so horrible and I admire the young man who locked the golf clubs in the cupboard. I have a DGS who loves football and tennis but is pushed by his father into triathlons above his age group. I have another DGS who really only wants to play with computers and both parents want him to conform to the stereotype of boyhood. What is it with these parents and families? I would like to spend more time with each child separately but they always arrive en masse.

Judthepud2 Fri 19-Aug-16 09:40:29

I so agree with all of the above posts. Your DGS sounds like a lovely child. The family should be grateful he is not hyperactive, bolshie and difficult to control. So...he doesn't like sports. I don't like baking! Does that make me any less a woman? Everyone has their own interests and talents. To put a child into a box before he has developed his personality is unfair. You are right that he needs encouragement to be himself, and unconditional love.

And using the term 'gay' in a negative and disrespectful sense is not on either! angry

BTW my husband is quiet and not at all sporty, but clever in his own field (computer engineering). He is a genuinely kind person, and a loving father of 4 and grandfather of 6. Our whole family love and respect him for who he is.

Mrsdof Fri 19-Aug-16 09:26:26

What is all this against football? I'm sure there are plenty of gay men and women who love football and plenty who do not. I was a typical tomboy as a child and my DH was and still is the most loving and gentle man. We met through a love of Spurs. He does all the cooking and does most things around the house, we have 3 DS's and we all LOVE football. People don't complain about people who like Tennis or Cricket do they? My nephew is gay and he and his husband are just two of the nicest people you can meet. But he was a 'typical' boy when he was a child. But again what is 'typical'. All children should be allowed to be who they are and to be encouraged whichever way they go, as long as they grow up happy what does it matter?

Lilyflower Fri 19-Aug-16 09:13:16

Your grandson sounds delightful and, if it is any consolation, I can tell you as a teacher of 34 years' experience, he sounds typical of boys who inhabited the top English sets throughout my teaching career.

No one laughed at the top set boys who went off to university, got good degrees, jobs and salaries and then had the pick of partners. The gender of the partners doesn't really matter, does it?

loopylou Fri 19-Aug-16 09:06:55

This sort of utter hogwash makes me furious, poor child.i'd be hopping mad if anyone said anything like that in my hearing.
My BIL would ridicule his DS to such a degree that we would try to have him to stay as often as possible, calling him gay, a poofter etc. He's a lovely man, gentle and kind.