I cannot thank you all enough for your best wishes and insights which have shown me that it is best to be open and up-front about DH's illness. We have had the 'conversation' and he does understand what is happening to him, has said that it is me he feels sorry for as I have had to shelf many of my own interests in order to undertake all the household tasks he used to do and to keep him company 24/7. He has also very reluctantly accepted that he will have to stop driving (but not yet!) For himself, he is happy as long as I am there and enjoys long chats about times past, his favourite home made food, our cat, sitting in (but not working in) our garden. He loves a good joke or funny story and with his memory loss, I can recycle old ones and he enjoys them afresh every time.
When DH was 17 and an apprentice joiner in his Grandfather's firm he contracted Polio and was left with a pretty useless left arm and missing muscles in both hands and shoulders. He returned to work, a 7 stone weakling, and suffered many unkind comments from his fellow workers and customers (was called a spastic and worse.) He could no longer swim or play tennis, lost many friends and his girlfriend, so took up drumming as therapy and has been playing in various bands continuously ever since, occasionally attracting comment because his style is very different from most drummers. Similarly, he was a successful joiner, using his ingenuity to overcome difficulties. Hence his objection to 'labels' such as disabled, deaf, polio survivor etc. and reluctance to be seen in public with a zimmer or wheelchair after his accident.
Annsixty I understand why you question your DH having Alzheimers rather than Vascular dementia as being a good thing. I know that this diagnoses means that our path will be shorter and steeper than yours which makes it easier to commit to making these years as sweet and happy for DH as I possibly can.