Coping with chauvinism

As the first woman it sounds ike you are being expected to shake things up without any support & you need allies when challefing aware & unaware dinosaurs. I suspect they think that by admitting women they think they have become equal without doing more. I note you think you want to ne accepted by them so perhaps make a start by changing that & acting as if (even if you don't yet fee it) you are an equal & don't need to be accepted anymore than they need to be accepted by you. There clearly needs to be a change in the institutional policies & practices & you need evolution or, with a few brave women, revoution.

You don't give any details of the work done by the team, QS but if you are part of the team then be part of the team. Don't allow them to leave you out or treat you in a way that makes you feel that they are being sexist.
In other words be assertive, in a nice but effective way. Men of that age grew up in the age of feminism. They know better.

I'm not sure what date this is supposed to be but it's very funny (and very true):
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w
There are still plenty of men like this around.

IMO they do not see you as part of the team, you are the token woman they had to accept for membership reasons. If they had thought that through and wanted to attract lady members they'd have ensured that they demonstrated they're new open to all position by making sure their lady committee member was in the picture. They probably don't mean it in a sexist way, but it is. I had many years of being relegated to taking the minutes every time instead of just on my turn in a similar lone woman position. I had to make a stand for those that came after me - as your sponsor intended - shake them up a bit. I tended to use humour when I could, but some times when they were being seriously obtuse I'd say an outright No, that's not what I'm here for and whilst I'm sure you don't mean to be sexist - that's how it feels. Go girl and drag them into the 21st century as hoped - your a pioneer - go get some arrows in your back!!

Tell them to take a selfie next time and remind them your one of the team, there sound like a bunch of twats to me.

I agree with gillybob say say as the most important person there you must be in the picture stick up for yourself you are part of team and tell them straight

You will always live to regret it if you don't speak up for yourself AT THE TIME!
There's no point in pussy-footing,beating about the bush or talking in sarcastic riddles. Speak up politely and firmly.

I agree with Wobblybits. You cannot be passive and just go along with thoughtlessness without actually dealing with it at the time. A firm "no thanks, I'm useless at taking photosI/want to be in the photo/you must be joking etc.etc will leave them in no doubt, especially if said with a smile on your face.

If none of them challenged you being left out of the picture I would suggest that it is not only sexisthe but also bullying. Time to get mad and say that you are going to contact the paper to ask them to come round and take another.

Challenge them! You may feel awkward but hopefully so will they.

Morgana - DH joined our local bowling club when we moved here but was so disturbed by the chauvinistic attitudes there that he stopped going within a few weeks (he couldn't come to terms with the way the ladies just accepted the situation).

I went into a new job where there was 56 men and just 4 women,despite my position I was expected to answer the phone for the men, make tea for them and visitors. I say expected but itbe ear happened as I put my foot down with a heavy hand. Crys of take that call for me whilst concentrating on my own work was met with what's wrong with your hand...broken and then I just ignored them. It wasn't in my job description and I felt quite safe refusing. Things soon settled down and I even had tea made for me by the men!

It will be decades before these entrenched male attitudes are removed, and only by constant challenge. It does seem to be especially prevalent in charity organisations, and if you are a volunteer, it sometimes feels less easy to make a stand.

I was elected a Chair, I suspect, because no-one else was prepared to do the unpaid work. So when the secretary was absent, or I attended male only meetings, it was assumed I would take the minutes. I refused, they couldn't accept this, and the meetings were either abandoned, or someone reluctantly said they would take notes but not write them up. I wasn't prepared to write them up either, so the meetings remained unrecorded. I quickly gained a 'difficult' reputation, but apparently a certain amount of respect as well!

gillybob I agree with you I have worked in predominantly male work environments & yes I can give as good as I get, much preferred working with lots of men rather than female dominant - I can't stand the bitching.

QuirkySand - I soon learnt even at the age of 17 you have to stand up for yourself or you find yourself been walked all over. Quick responses or even "put downs" often get better results than confrontation. Good luck

I would not have taken the photo myself & would have made comment regarding "team photo" as others have said - how can the most important member of the team not be in it with her "team"

Fascinating comments! I was brought up to believe that women were, at least the equal of men. But working in business in the 70's and 80's, it was a battle to get myself accepted/recognised. Now retired, I am a member of the local bowls club (and Committee member) it has been rather a shock to come up against the old fashioned attitudes of some members (male and female) re female equality. I am a firm believer in women standing up for themselves - if we let ourselves be put down, we will be. However, I do think that a 'quiet' response works best -find ways that are not confrontational, yet firm. Begin to promote yourself OP, show them that you are just as capable as they are - if not more so. Make sure that they and others know what work you are doing to support the organisation, don't make teas and coffees unless the men do too, don't let yourself be left out of things and try to get more women on that Committee - preferably ones who will act sensibly and promote the cause of women. Good luck!

Hello Quirkysand,

Yes I agree with the others and a shame you took the photograph in the first place, but then it's not always easy to decide on the best course of action in the first place. I would bring it up with the Manager, if you are not happy then with the outcome I would just find another job.

All the best

Surprised that you even feel the need to ask. If you act like a doormat you'll be treated as one...

Definite insult, possibly unthinking, maybe not. I like your Mayor! Now get a big framed copy of 'Quirky and the Mayor' and hang it where the Society of Dinosaurs holds its committee meetings!

So true.Many many years ago and married with two young children I had a managerial position within a well known UK food company.I had to do a certain amount of travel with this position. I applied for a advertised senior management position in what was at that time male dominated. The interview I thought went well and although I ticked all boxes for experience in team management, gave my opinion how my experience and my ideas for expansion would be an asset and aware travel was involved I never got the job. Who got the position? why none other than a male colleague.
Same age less years than myself with the same company.
Of course in those years a woman if she had children came under the bigoted idea that responsibility in the work place and children did not mix. At least that idea has been put to rest.Sexism however still rears its ugly head.

It really is time you began to fight back. Take a "selfie" and post it in the local paper, explaining what happened.

If you are an integral part of that team I would have simply said, "Am I not part pf this team?' and awaited their reaction. Sometimes things need challenging if everyone is to move on and be less blinkered.

You are an equal member. As the first female member, you must pave the way for subsequent female members and as such must not take photos, but be in them.

Quirky, maybe they are afraid you have the makings of a Chairperson. You seem to have a great sense of commitment and even more frightening for them.. new ideas! Maybe you drag them out of their lethargy and any masculine ruts they might be in.

You go girl!

I would have a go at them...simple!!!!

There is a 'Punch' cartoon used for a birthday card that made me smile (wryly). A conference table with about ten men and one woman; Chairman says something like 'That was an excellent idea Miss Smith; perhaps one of the men would like to make it?'

Unless you challenge narrow minded bigoted or chauvinistic attitudes they never change. My Fil once said to me, many years ago, after a heated debate about something that had been in the news 'well what would you know about anything - you're just at home looking after the children'. I didn't want to hurt his feelings (as he had mine!!) but pointed out that my education was far better than his, I read a decent newspaper ( he didn't read one at all) and being at home I could listen to the news and current affairs programmes for most of the day. He did concede that he might have a rather bigoted view and we had a better relationship after that - even discussing current affairs quite amicably! However, that remark, unchallenged, would have no doubt made him feel that this silly little woman had been put in her place by a far more intelligent man.