Mental trauma from being hit as a child.

Psychiatrists deal with mental illness and prescribe drugs to help. Psychologists offer CBT, DBT, brief therapy and a range of other therapeutic interventions. There tends to be long waiting lists for psychological intervention and various alternative methods of delivery have had to be devised including online courses of eg CBT. For some people there is no substitute for 1:1 input and trained counsellors (who receive rigorous training and supervision) have a useful role here. People are very different in their life experience, underlying personality and ability to deal with traumatising events. No one approach suits all, least of all the 'get a grip approach'!

I trained for 10 years as a counsellor and psychotherapist. I see a huge difference in my clients due to the work we do. I have also experienced some excellent therapy. I just feel the need to offer my viewpoint about the efficacy of therapy.

I feel so sad reading about the abuse people hear have suffered. And I, too, experienced it. I wish everyone well as they work through in whatever way works for them.

I had to obey my parents immediately or I would be smacked. They both smacked me, my Dad used a ruler on my calves. He was my teacher too so if I did anything wrong at school I would be punished at home.
I was sensitive and knew this was unfair. I tried to be good to avoid being slapped. I can remember some instances of punishment that from an adult perspectives I can see no justification for at all. I think they were releasing their anger with each other on me. I don't remember my sister being slapped though she was very naughty!
I discussed this with Mum and Dad in my twenties and told them how hurt I'd been. Mum apologised. Dad had been brought up very strictly. Nana followed the child specialist Truby King who I believe was extremely strict. This helped me understand where Dad was coming from, but he believed he was doing what was right.
I instinctively hit my girls very occasionally but stopped myself later as I hated doing it. I hate to see any child being slapped. There are better ways of disciplining. As a child I remember wishing they would just ask me why I had done whatever was so grievous to them but they never did.

A psychologist is usually the first port of call. He/she sorts out what treatment is likely to be effective. Perhaps a course with a psychiatrist.

I think qualified help from a psychiatrist is more likely to be beneficial than that offered by a 'counsellor'. So less danger of money being wasted.

Katek I agree with what you have said. There is a big overlap between psychiatry and psychology.
It is also try that it is the individual who has to make the changes in physical illness as well eg give up smoking,lose weight,change diet etc

If you've been psychologically damaged by events then you need input from a psychologist - and possibly a psychiatrist if psychiatric illness has developed. At the end of the day though it's the individual who has to make the necessary changes.

Psychiatric help includes medication, psychotherapy and a whole range of other 'talking ' therapies. Why distinguish psychological difficulties from other heath problems? Or do you think there should be no health care for the over 40's at all JBF?

Well, round about that age. Perhaps 35. Younger people sometimes need help. Not counselling though. Psychiatric help.

jingle why ovrr 40

I can identify with the Op. I was always hit by my granny she believed that I had to be forced to do her wishes, I would be punched on the head, slapped or pushed until I used to cower, I lived in fear until my mother came home when my faults would be related and she would sigh and say I should behave. I hated my granny and I can't look back with fond memories, I have a strange relationship with my mother even now, she is manipulating and possessive. My mother used to hit me to, she used to say she would smash my face in and I believed it. It does affect you as an adult.

Including those left mentally unwell, scarred by earlier life experiences.

I don't disagree with that statement

And it should be paid for, if it's anyone over the age of forty getting it.

NHS for the truly ill.

Ouch Jinglebells that is harsh I can understand you saying the one at your surgery was useless ( if she was) but to judge every counsellor as useless and armatures is extremely judgemental and very harsh If it's not for you it's not for you but many many people have been helped by counselling and what help they have received can only be judged by them not you

Jings - I agree.
Having been one myself, I always realised that what I was able to offer was a drop in the ocean, compared to what was needed.
Problems that take years to build up take years to repair, if ever.

Counselling is usually useless. I can tell understand getting help where necessary from a qualified psychiatrist. Counsellors are little more than amateurs. They got rid of the one at our surgery.

I so agree KatyK. My mother was frequently verbally and physically towards me when I was a child and verbally abusive when I was an adult - and then when she had a dementia everyone expected me to look after her, which I did until she passed away at the age of 90.

I have often wondered why my siblings and myself looked after and helped our father as got older after the horrendous childhood we had. He never took responsibility or apologised for his actions.

Melanie A lot of us got smacked and even smacked our own children occasionally, if only to stop them running into the road, but what happened to you is abuse, from an abusive cruel father.
See him for what he was. Admit you don't like him you don't have to. Many women feel they have to find some good points about their abusive fathers and husbands. If they have abused you admit it happened and then try to move on. Don't worry if you don't feel sorry he's not alive. How could you be.
It took me years before I admitted that the first feelings I had about my father on hearing he had died was relief!
He was continually bad tempered and we were always afraid of him although he was not so heavy handed - more controlling.

Hope you can draw a line under it and move on.

Not in this area mumofmadboys - it is quite the opposite! The only "talking therapy" available in this area on the NHS is CBT and the waiting list is very short because the practitioners are so useless that all the patients drop out after a couple of sessions!!

I always smile when I watch GPs Behind Closed Doors and they pass people on fpr counselling - what counselling? I ask myself

Thank you so much for all your responses. I know forgiving and forgetting is the right way to go but I can't forgive him. I am not that frightened little girl with no one to protect me and I have no right to forgive him on her behalf. I resent him for what he did. I have no idea why he felt it was the right way to go. He used to say, virtuously, that he would never hit a woman. No but it was OK to hit a little girl. Where's the logic in that?

I will live with this resentment. it hurts, but I can't just drop it. I have a good life now and a wonderful husband and three daughters and nearly 5 grandchildren. I love all of them and they love me.

My father is the past It was painful but I can't alter it so I must live with it.

I don't think it was how he was brought up. His father was away at sea a lot and his mother was a warm, cuddly lady who adored him. I have spoken to 2 of my cousins from that side of the family and they both said their fathers' were the same (his brothers). It doesn't make sense, except that they fought in WW2 and maybe that hardened them.

Again thank you all. I feel for your experiences. The little girl whose stepfather beat her every day for instance.

It's all terribly sad.

mumofmadboys Sorry to disagree but it may depend on the area you live in but in my area the mental health services of which counselling would come under has been cut to such a degree that half the workers need it as much as the clients they would probably be a year s waiting list and then it would be limited to maybe 6 weeks

I've had excellent counselling courtesy of the NHS, my only regret was not asking for help years before.

Sometimes one can't forgive but can set negative experiences aside having learned how to deal with the emotional upheaval caused or contributed to by said events.

Counselling services on the NHS have expanded considerably in recent years.