Mental trauma from being hit as a child.

We probably won't live long enough to get counselling on the NHS Jinglebells

Surely our mental health is important all through our lives. No- one is too old for counselling. It matters more that you are psychologically - minded and can see the link between present behaviours/ thinking and past events/ situations. Improving mental health improves physical health. We always need a holistic approach.

I agree with BlueBelle, that is spot-on. Otherwise, you might as well make the claim that childhood has no influence on the adult. I'm sure you all know the saying, variously ascribed to the Jesuits, St Francis or Aristotle, 'Give me the child until he is seven and I will give you the man.'

I don't know why people find it so unacceptable to have help for a troubled mind but accept all sort of cxxx for a troubled body .,...easier to see a problem I guess

Well said Nannyloveshopping We sometimes need help without minds as well as our bodies.

jbf I had counselling at the age of 54 to help me come to terms with being hit so often by my adoptive mother, that I would wet myself, it was better to be locked in the under stairs cupboard where she didn't hit me. I had the counselling at this age because my exhusband left me for another woman after 25 years married, this very nearly destroyed me, so the counselling helped in many ways, and I didn't ever smack my three children, simply adored them and still do. I think counselling can help at any age.

And please, no counselling at our time of life. Definitely not on the NHS.

Egggs-acly!!

We all come into our adult lives with baggage....what you do with it is what matters.

SupernanI think it depends on the extent of the smacking, if it bothers you I think you should tell someone, school or social worker.

I think we may have different meaning to 'getting over it'. I doubt anyone gets over their childhood, good or bad but we can get on with our lives and let the lessons learned make us behave in what we consider to be a better way. If you have been bullied and belittled throughout your childhood it is very likely you will be needy in some way for the rest of your life, whether or not you let others see it.

My own childhood was not happy - more psychological ill treatment rather than physical, although there was some of that. I remember when my father was hitting me for some reason and I put up my arm to protect myself and then received a further beating for daring to raise my hand to him! As a result I never had a close relationship with my parents, however, I decided some time ago that whilst I couldn't forget I would forgive. My father is long gone now but my mother is still with us (although now living on the other side of the world), I am still not close to her but no longer resent her. I had a very happy marriage and prefer to think about that rather than my childhood.

It's not always easy to 'get over it'. My childhood and other life events have made me what I am today - nervous, anxious and lacking self-esteem. My brother was unable to 'get over it' and committed suicide as a young man.

This thread has made me think. The child next door gets hit/smacked by the parents. I hear it. I can't see it. As far as I know it's not a criminal offence. I don't know what I should do.

I agree that not everyone can put an unhappy childhood behind them, and our experiences as a child form our present personalities.
But it doesn't help to have hurt and hatred festering inside for the rest of your life. Why let those unkind people carry their influence over you forever?
Is it possible to forgive, but not forget? Once you've been able to let go of the hate you'll feel a burden has been lifted off your shoulders.
I wasn't ill treated as a child, (though I felt isolated and afraid during WW2) but I was affected by the violence of my ex. Hopefully got over that now.

I have memories of violence during childhood, not only at home but at school, which are too painful to relate.

My son once said "you're not the beat generation, you're the beaten generation."

Very glad that some grans had violence free childhoods and my heart goes out to those who didn't. I've had counselling but these memories are hard to totally come to terms with.

My dh, now sadly passed away, and me, had violent childhoods, his were worse than mine and we found solace in these shared traumas.

I'm not sure this has ever been discussed before. I remember being smacked by my father and the effect it had on me, I was scared of him he was very irascible it didn't always take a lot to set him off. For example, if one of us dropped a glass and broke it he would go ballastic. I think I dreaded the sound of his key in the door when he came back from work. In retrospect I see myself as quite cowed and nervous as a child. I knew I would never want my children to be shaking in their shoes around me. This thread has brought it back to me althoughI find I don't think too much about that aspect of my early life. Personally I found it quite carthatic turning to genealogy after my father died and learning more about his early life through an aunt, who didn't feel he was cut out for fatherhood, too aloof, inspite of having a Mediterranean background. Like his peer group he went to war as a teenager and spent 6 years, mainly in North Africa. I regard my life as a lot softer and easier than his since becoming an adult. I don't hold a grudge against him anymore, I did once. I wish we had been a bit closer, we shared many traits such as a love of history. I try to hang on to the positives now, I had a great mother thank God and I have a great husband.

I sympathise with your feelings Melanie, my father stopped hitting me around puberty, he'd shout instead. The incident you describe at age 17 sounds extreme no wonder it's stayed with you.

I am sorry Melanie you had such a hard time. Have you tried counselling to try and sort out all those mixed emotions? In the long run I am sure you would find it helpful. I think childhood experiences hugely shape our emotional development, our personalities and our ability to form strong relationships. A lot of people flounder in adulthood without the foundation of a good upbringing. I have seen it numerous times with drug addicts and prisoners in the extreme to others who function reasonably outwardly but find life hard. You cannot just put a difficult childhood to one side and think I am an adult now that's over. Wish you well Melanie

I'm with Bluebelle on this. I won't join her behind the sofa though. I think, what she said was spot on!

Mine always said to admit if I did anything and two episodes helped me not be afraid of doing this - I dropped a stone which bounced and cracked a window in the back door - I remember waiting at the top of the road for my Dad to come home on his bike and told him - he was calm about it and just said to be more careful next time. The other when I dropped an open bottle of ink onto the sofa - luckily Mum had made loose covers and because I ran out and told her immediately she whipped the cover off before the ink soaked into the furniture and it washed out of the cover. As I was not punished for either thing I always admitted anything I did - only got into a row if I didn't tell them! I was never hit - if I really went over the top I had one slap on the back of my leg by my mother - never Dad as he was afraid he might really hurt us. There was none of this 'wait till your father gets home' either - things dealt with straight away.

I cannot agree less with those that say don't think about it, get over it, move on, If ONLY it was that easy Your childhood colours your whole life whether you believe it or not, add to that your genetic make up, and for most people it is very hard to just walk away without damage Indeed I would imagine Jinglebells 'toughen up' attitude is her way of surviving, who knows she may have been soft and fluffy without her background ( which I know nothing about ) Now I m going to hide behind the sofa

The only time I remember my dad smacking me was when I was about 3 - he'd gone to the outside toilet and I locked him out - there was a fire burning in the grate and he was terrified I'd go near it - gave me a smacked bottom when I finally opened the back door which was probably a reaction to the scare! I think my mum smacked me once for emptying cornflakes all over the floor and putting the hearthrug over them but other than that I was never hit by my parents. It's awful to read such terrible stories and so sad that those of you who experienced it have these memories of childhood.

I was clearly lucky as my parents were not given to smacking. I was once smacked when at three I bit my Dad's arm and once when I climbed back into the bath after my mum had dried me. I was never afraid of my parents these were instinctive reactions. I was really lucky as I knew people at school who were hit by their as punishment.
My mum did have a subtle way of sapping my confidence but in general they were kind and very caring.

I do feel sorry for those who were not so lucky. I don't think hitting children is ever right but if the family relationship is basically really sound as it is not a frequent happening it can be managed.
I am thinking say really stroppy teenagers in a paddy etc.

This is better.

Will hand over mouth do?

Why haven't we got a hand over gob emoticon?