Mental trauma from being hit as a child.

path20 ?

I'm off this thread now.

that was to path20.

Oh. Lovely.

I agree to an extent that childhood problems are used to avoid taking responsibility for oneself by some people. Others do find it difficult to move on. I take issue with people on programmes such as Long lost Families, they often say they are missing part of their life , or make instant attachments to their birth parent when these people are complete strangers. I digress - sorry.

Oh!Dear! Jinglebellsfrocks, definitely not self pity. I was hit( not often) and bullied by my father, my mother was lovely. I will not go into details but my life especially as I got into my teenage years was not easy. My father used to think that girls were unimportant and he took no interest in me. I had two older brothers who he doted on.The result of this has been with me all my life, I have such low self esteem. I have always felt I am not good enough.
In another way it has made me stronger and believe it or not very compassionate.I will always side with the underdog and help them.I had to leave school instead of going to college or university, he said girls didn't need to go. Later on, married with two young children I did go to college and I became a teacher. Guess what? He was so proud of me.Despite everything I loved my dad and I was the one holding his hand, on my own, when he passed away in hospital.I had lost my mum fifteen years earlier. Just before he died he took hold of my hand and kissed it. The first kiss I had ever remembered having.That meant so much.

Aren't we all? Who says we have to be perfect?

My mother was very quick to raise her hand unfairly and was also emotionally difficult with a cup that was always half empty.
My father never raised his hand or his voice and I respected him so much.

Thanks jb, I am relatively abnormal now !!!!

I'm amazed you can remember Ana! Wow!

I was smacked by my Mum never by my Dad it was just what happened if I was naughty. My Dad was very strict and I was a little afraid of him but he never smacked me. I loved them both till the day they died and we had a very lovely relationship as we grew older and I don't think it damaged me or our relationship.
As others have said some us can just 'let it go' and carry on a normal relationship and some people can't. I don't feel 'abused' and harboured no ill will feelings towards them although some people might put that label on it.

Being without a parent's love as a child is dreadful for the child, at the time. It is probably the most cruel thing that could happen to him/her. But when the child reaches adulthood, responsibility for him/herself has to start.

You did share on here though, in the dim and distant past. You are a trooper jingl!

Too much navel gazing these days. These things happen. We get on with life as best we can and only share with our nearest and dearest. Should be enough.

I was smacked by both my parents; my Mum usually when she was pre-menstrual - she was Jekyll and Hyde and hard for a child to keep up with. I do not know how these instances have altered me as an adult - we can never know who we would have been under other circumstances. But I certainly do feel the absence of overt love from both of them, as I do feel that to some extent the ability to share love is something you learn as a child. I would have preferred a different upbringing, but we cannot choose. I was delighted to get away from home at 17 - a bit sad really as I do think they both loved their children, but just lacked the equipment to make that plain.

As you can imagine, my children heard the message loud and clear. Even when they were naughty I would say "It's a good thing we love you!"

I did smack one of my children once - it is engraved on my memory - but she can't remember it!

I'm sorry to hear that grannylyn65. Truly sorry.

jingl, I remember, but I do think that those of us who have overcome difficult pasts sometimes overestimate the capacity of everyone to do the same.

People are all different - although these days it does seem to be the thing to blame one's parents for everything (Philip Larkin, anyone?) I will admit.

My stepfather beat me nearly every day.

I have walked enough miles in my own shoes thank you jane10. I do not need to walk in anyone else's to know what I am talking about.

I am not especially strong. Certainly no stronger than the majority.

Being ill treated/abused does not make one a stronger person always. Some people can deal with it for others it's just too difficult. We all have different thresholds, you are lucky to be a strong person Jinglebellsfrock.

That's a bit harsh jings. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes...

I think too much dwelling on the past is inclined to go on in people's lives. Maybe too much self-pity?

Maybe everyone is able to 'get over it' if they've had an abusive childhood but lots of people would need help to get here. When I think of the lives a few of my school friends endured, it's a miracle they weren't insane by the time they grew up.

Can't agree Ana. Once we are adult, we can put it behind us.

I was regularly "punished" by being beaten with a stick, mainly by my father, I was a very nervous, shy child. My mum told everyone how difficult I was.
I have had a happy life since I left home at 18.
But it has been hard getting over it. I had counselling when my dad died a few years ago.