Mental trauma from being hit as a child.

That is a great testimony ffinn.
After Nannylovesshopping is brave enough to share a whole list of huge difficulties she has gone through I cannot believe you can write such rude and heartless posts JBF. It takes my breath away.

For 3 years I had the most wonderful psychotherapist. She was challenging, testing, trustworthy, consistent, determined, with a great sense of humour and enormously kind. I'll never forget her belief in me. She made an enormous difference to my life.

Its obvious that there's quite a lot that you don't understand jings! Other posters have articulated their thoughts clearly and demonstrate a level of empathy that reflects their own, often sad, experiences in life. Continuing to denigrate this is unnecessary. Are you just looking for an argument? Go to the political threads then.

Well let's hope you never need it. Sadly not everyone is as strong and resilient as you obviously are.

I hope everyone manages to get all the counselling they feel they need, so long as they don't expect the over-stretched NHS to pay for it.

I cannot understand anyone of 60 plus years still feeling the need for counselling.

Well said patriciageegee and BlueBell. We all react to situations in different ways and all need different types of help and support.

Why so vehement jinglbellfrocks? People who are suffering must find their own way through and be respected for doing so. It's not up to anyone to say this is self indulgence. Good for you if through strength of will you've managed to overcome your own traumas but you have no right to belittle others trying a different path to yours

Jinglebells its not the opinion but the way the opinion is delivered
That last post sounded very mocking of Nanntylovesshopping hopefully you didn't mean it to sound like that

I agree with you nannylov sshopping but it is better to ignore and 'rise above it'.

Goodness, the posts that have appeared while I was writing seem so angry, please don't hit out at each other, there is enough pain in the world. Sorry if that seems out of order, just had to say it.

Ww are all different and process things differently. Some of us can put the past where it belongs on our own, many can't, that's just because we are different. It makes humankind interesting don't you think? If harder for us to understand each other. Psychotherapists and counsellors are people too, training is long and arduous, definitely not for the faint hearted. The majority are very good at their profession and can use their skills to challenge, encourage and stay with their client for as long as it takes the client to come to their own conclusions. Sadly some psychological therapists are not as professional as they could be, but then neither are some physical therapists. I am full of admiration for anyone who has overcome an abusive past and is living their life in spite of their history, whether they have sought support or been able to get there without it really doesn't matter, what matters is that the past is not adversely impacting on the present. I wish you all well.

It was NOT directed at anyone in particular. My God, that does sound like self obsession , to even think that!

Do you know how much like an old fashioned school Marmark your post sound d nannylov sshopping? Diabolical.

I thought this was a discussion thread. But no, it seems to be a joint agony aunt column.

I like different opinions, but your last comment was directed personally to me, disgraceful.

Oh yes, I forgot. An opinion differing from that of the masses isn't usually welcome on Gransnet.

jbf I really don't think you have anything else to offer on this thread, I find your comments most unpleasant

But can't you manage it yourself? Why do you need someone else to sort it for you?

Self indulgence. Poor little me syndrome. A lot of it about.

Thank you mumofmadboys? it was a real lightbulb moment for me when I was helped to understand that what had happened to me wasn't my fault, I had always felt so worthless.

Glad you were helped Nanny and the process worked well.

I think you have also to be very brave when being helped by counselling, it's not easy talking about really dark, hurtful and shameful stuff, maybe those that are anti just aren't brave enough or prefer to carry the load around for ever. Being adopted, violent, mental and sexual abuse, divorced, are all for me put in their right boxes in my head thanks to counselling, I have been able to move on with a much lighter load

I would like to add that someone who is massively opposed to counselling, for whatever reason, will not be helped by it. You do need to be open to engage and once you have closed off and decided it's useless then I m afraid it will be useless and fulfill your predictions

I found group therapy very helpful. I don't know why it isn't used more - costs less for a start.

Reading through these posts makes me realise how abused I actually was. My mother beat me regularly with garden canes, shoes, belts and anything to hand really. She once threw a knife which fortunately missed me and stuck in the pantry door and on another occasion threw me out naked onto the front doorstep (I was about 12 or 13). I hated her but was more afraid of my dad though he never hit me or showed anger except once when he exploded at her 'nagging' and tipped the whole tea table up and yelled. (I think that was more at her than what we had actually done). Later when I learned that her mum had died when she was five and her dad gave her up for adoption I began to understand. Her older sister brought her back home as she cried so much and brought her up herself (after persuading her father she would be responsible|) Then her father died when she was 10 and she was the youngest of 4 sisters who had to struggle to survive on their own. She had no experience of mothering. She also had to suffer poverty most of her life. It took a long time but I began to accept and forgive what she had done. When she died I was the one who made sure her hair was brushed and she looked nice when the doctor came to sign the certificate. My brother, on the other hand, cannot forgive her. Some people may benefit from counselling I expect but in my case I just tried to understand why. Incidentally I have not been the perfect mother or grandmother as I frequently want to hit badly behaved children but I see my mother in myself at those times and really try to control it. It is a very strong motivation! Commiserations and good luck to all of you who are struggling with these feelings.

Rerunning past events I mean

I agree Jane-stiff upper lip approach is not advisable. I meant that unless the individual engages fully with the psychological process and is prepared to make the necessary changes, then therapy is not going to be effective. It's a proactive process not one that allows the individual to rerun past events and fail to move forward. I sometimes wonder if counselling (very much dependent on the counsellor of course) encourages this behaviour more than other therapies.