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Daughter moving 250 mike's away.

(9 Posts)
Susieboxer Fri 04-Nov-16 15:01:25

My daughter is moving, taking my only grandson and is soon to have another baby, a little girl. I'm devastated and i can't hide it. I'm trying so hard not to show it but I'm not sleeping well. I don't have a great relationship with my 80 yr old Mum who lives near me and I don't want my daughter to feel about me how I feel about my mum. Can anyone offer advice? I've tried meditation, which helps a bit.

Wobblybits Fri 04-Nov-16 15:10:36

Both our son and daughter a long way away, we don't get to see our son anywhere as often as we would like due to the 400 mile trip. But we see and talk to them most evenings via Skype.

Jalima Fri 04-Nov-16 15:25:24

Keep smiling and look enthusiastic, but tell them how much you'll miss seeing them so often and how you look forward to visiting them and hope they can come back to visit you sometimes.

M0nica Fri 04-Nov-16 15:37:06

There is no connection between your daughter moving 250 miles away and the fact that your relationship with your own mother is poor.

Relationships are built up over a lifetime and I suspect that your difficult relationship with your mother dates back to your childhood or when you first became independent of her. Your relationship with your daughter has already been formed. Yes, there may be adjustments as she no longer lives close to you, but if it is a good and happy relationship now, there is no reason why that should change.

My DGC have always lived over 200 miles away and it hasn't stopped us having a close and warm relationship with them and their parents. They come down to see us every school holiday and we make a visit to them at least once every term. In the meanwhile we phone regularly, email and use Facebook.

Have you discussed your fears with your daughter? I am sure she will be able to reassure you.

Anya Fri 04-Nov-16 15:38:55

Is it going to be a permanent move suzieboxer ? I ask,because I know how you feel right now.

My daughter and SiL announced they were going to live in NZ. I was saddened, but understood. Then she found out she was expecting my first granchild. I was heartbroken.

I went out for the birth but it wasn't a happy experience. We didn't communicate much after that, time difference, and this was in the days before Skype. I reconciled myself to not seeing my grandson ever again. And so we sold up and moved over 100 miles to be nearer our son and DiL who'd just had GS2..

Then suddenly just before Christmas 2007 she phoned to ask if we could put them up in our spare rooms while they looked around for a house of their own. They were coming back to England.

So things aren't always permanent and if, in your case they are, then in years to come you might consider moving nearer to them perhaps.

I'm not offering advice just hope.

So, there's always

Luckygirl Fri 04-Nov-16 15:47:55

I know it feels hard just now, but really 250 miles is not that far in the general scheme of things. Keeping in contact will need a bit more effort on both sides, but I am sure there will be no shortage of that.

Do not assume she is moving away because of anything to do with you or with your relationship with your mother. Why are you thinking she might have a negative view of you? What makes you think that she may regard you as you regard your Mum? Her experiences will be very different.

If it is any reassurance, I had a very difficult relationship with my own mother, but have loving and happy relationships with my own children. Sometimes a bad relationship with our own mothers (however disappointing) has the effect of making us try very hard to get things right with our own.

Anya Fri 04-Nov-16 16:03:00

I can relate completely to your last sentence lucky true.

BlueBelle Sat 05-Nov-16 06:20:21

We seem to have two threads of the same problem going on at the same time by this poster

thatbags Sat 05-Nov-16 08:46:46

Give it time. You'll be fine. Plenty of grandparents never have grandchildren nearby.

Meanwhile talking on here may help, as might a chat with your GP, who may be able to give you something to alleviate the worst feelings of distress until you can cope better.

You don't say why your daughter is moving. Is it because of work, hers or her partner's? That's usually what moving is about. Perhaps looking at the issue as something your daughter has no control over, just like you, would help? You'll miss her and the kids. She'll miss you. Will you be able to visit?