Nervous driver

I've always been very happy driving on lanes and small roads but lost confidence on motorways. I then changed from a manual to an automatic with a big engine and confidence returned.

My car may as well be on tracks now..........I do a few set rutes and hate every moment of it but needs must.

When I worked with elderly people, what they seemed to miss most was driving, men especially. My old dad dreaded not being able to drive and said he'd rather die than live without his car.

I find I am scared of everything now it is so wearing!!!

This is a very tricky area. It could be just lack of confidence, or it could be that you have some awareness of subtle difficulties. Either way, you could contact the Institute of Advanced Motorists. For the very reasonable sum of 49 pounds, they offer the following:
On-road Assessment
Mature Driver Assessment
Renew your confidence
Get a trusted second opinion
Sharpen your skills
Reassure your family
Undecided whether it’s still safe to drive? Get an impartial opinion and reassurance behind the wheel.
Go to: www.iamroadsmart.com, select 'Courses' then select 'Assessments and Modules'.

As well as using the Satnav, I find it helps if I'm going to a new location to look on Google Street View - by the time I do the trip it all looks very familiar!

Since OH had second stroke and eye accident, I have to do all the driving ! I don't like driving ...especially on the autoroute where the limit is 130km p/h and most people are going faster than that ! The one thing that changed my attitude to driving was surviving cancer ...after that I thougth what the hell ! ...not suggesting you need a drastic event but it helped ! Also, I used to take my ex to Heathrow a lot but found apart from a few sections, the M25 was more like a car park at times than a motorway !!...I used to suffer from anticipation anxiety then to an extent, where I would think of the drive and worry about it ..but then once on the road I was fine !

You could also see a Cognitive Behaviour Therapist but I don't think that would be available on the NHS or the excellent ideas on here to take one of those driving courses !

I have to say I had never driven an automatic until I moved to Spain and my husband had one .....thought I would hate it, but I loved it ! makes driving so much easier ....I had to hire a manual last time I went back for a holiday and had totally forgotten how to use gears ....lots of black smoke from gear box going up hills ! luckily car hire firm at the end of season, which was local to me when I lived there, had a few dented cars returned, so I hired one of those justt in case (taking photo of dents first ,,,even though manager was a friend !) ...... don't think I would be too happy with a driverless car though ! When (ha ha) I win the lottery I'm getting a chauffeur !

I dont mind driving (learnt young as lived in the depths of the country) and do most of the driving as DH doesnt enjoy it and doesnt like 'my' car which we now share . I have had to steel myself to drive the South Circular in London though ,as DD1 lives near it and have been ferrying' stuff' down for the last 6 months . But its actually no worse than any other suburbia and is well signed .
I have a yen for an (automatic) sports car .... I'm tired of staid, sensible tanks

All these years I thought it was just me! I was encouraged to learn to drive when I was in my early 30's when we were living in Germany ( my husband was in the army) I was not a natural, finding the lessons very stressful and never managed to feel relaxed and confident behind the wheel even after passing my test. I never managed to overcome this and eventually gave up driving altogether. As my husband was a very confident and experienced driver I simply relied on him and accepted that I was not cut out to be a driver. Fast forward 10 years and my husband was involved in a very serious traffic accident (not his fault) which left him disabled and no longer able to drive. I took a refresher course and tried my hardest to overcome my phobia of driving but with limited success. The problems this causes for us now are enormous, our lives would be so much easier if I could just manage to conquer this problem. It affects so many aspects of our lives from simply getting around, attending hospital appointments etc to being a major factor in dictating where we live as we need a good local bus service. Has anyone out there managed to deal with this problem and overcome it?

We live in Cumbria which have more country roads than big main ones. I have never been diagnosed with night blindness but I call it that when it comes to driving at night. As soon as it becomes gloomy and the light is going from the day it affects my driving so much that at times I'm unable to drive from as early as 4pm some days at this time of the year. Headlights blind me as well. I was tested once are have quite bad astigmatism in my eyes so it badly ' halos ' headlights and streetlights. At age 55 it's a pain in the butt !

We also changed to an automatic which takes away some of the problems but like others I now worry about driving, started when I felt anxious one day with small grandchild in the back and got worse after I broke my arm and couldn't drive for months. Most friends say they let OH drive if they are going out together, I don't want to stop as in the past I always enjoyed taking myself off for days out.

Mmmmmmm.......... this is indeed a common concern for those of us who stop the daily commute AND enjoy the double freedom of a bus pass. I do daily shortish road trips to keep my 'technical' hand in and one motorway trip a month for confidence. If there's dark or winter weather causing concern I use my bus pass saving to have a night in Premier or some other cheapie on my actual route. That's the best I can come up with for me but I watch this forum with enthusiasm as I really don't want to give up driving freedom nor be a nervous driver. Scary thought.

I'm ok in daylight but after 30 years or more I avoid driving on motorways and driving in the dark fills me with dread which makes me miss out on social occasions .

While driving over 40 years ago I witnessed a very nasty accident at close range when pregnant. I lost my nerve and stopped driving. As time went by it got worse and worse. I was walking everywhere with a pram and 2 children on it (the old sort with the pram seat) up hills and down dales, with a car outside the door which I wouldnt drive. This went on for about 7 years, when eventually I started to try to drive. Terrible for the first couple of years, fears, fright, stomach upsets, sickness, but gradually gradually I used it a bit more often, and in the end was ok. However fast forward and am less keen now and tend to rely on my husband. He is happy to drive, but as has already been said, there is no guarantee that will continue and i may have to pick it up again. Therefore to all of us, despite maybe being nervous, if you stop altogether its really really hard to start again, especially as we are older. dont give in to it, choose your journey carefully, get a sat nav if you havnt got one already, and keep on driving!

I too dont like driving in the dark or on motorways following a couple of unwanted encounters with foreign lorries but do love our automatic car...heartily recommend, and have offered to do the driving back from a christmas lunch next week. My husband nearly fell off his chair in astonishment.

Same as me WOT I was 48 and wish I had gone on a motorway straightaway because now I only drive to the nearby shops and my Bridge club. I have asked my two sons for gift vouchers for christmas to go towards buying a sat nav and try and get some confidence up. I am 66

Many of you sound very anxious, if not somewhat depressed. You might well find that a mild anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication will help a lot. The other thing I find helps me a lot is to be sitting up high in the seat. For years I used a wedge-shaped cushion and back support so that I wasn't leaning back as much as I would without them. I see many women who can hardly see over the steering wheel!

Get a firm wedge-shaped cushion and put the fatter end against the back of the seat and feel the difference!

Me too , I am delighted(sorry!) to find I am not alone in this. I hate driving at night the most but will only drive to places I know or have been before in the day . I drive into Manchester city centre but only because I know the route , know where I can park and have been doing it for years . My x has a lot to answer for I think , he used to make me very nervous when I was driving by criticising me .

I am completely with you! I started to joke that I won't leave S10, but then realised I shouldn't be joking about it. I've now got a Smart car, which feels nippy and reminds me of my old Minis, the seat is quite high up so I no longer feel intimidated by all the big tanks on the roads and it's got a sat nav, which is wonderful. I used to get so stressed about going somewhere new and then I'd hate myself for being stupid/useless etc etc. Now I actually enjoy driving again - hallelujah! (sorry if this sounds like an ad.)

Grannyactivist -are you in London? If so you can get a bus pass from TFL to bridge the gap. You have to pay but I don't think it's much and would probably pay for its self in the long run.

Living where we do any long distance journey involves either the horrendous Dartford crossing and or M25. Otherwise you double your journey time using the A and B roads. I sincerely hope I don't loose my ability to drive these areas. At the moment I'm fine.

ga as far as i know you can get a bus pass from 60 whatever your retirement age.

Jan51 if GA lives in London she's eligible for the '60 plus' pass.

It's a 'lite' Freedom Pass, i.e. can be used on tubes, trains & buses but only in London, not nationwide.

I'm 62 and have one! And it's free.

I'm 64 and have lost my confidence with driving. I go into the local town, or to collect my granddaughter from school, but that's it. Part of the problem is that hubby drives every time we go out. If I have to drive into the city I am sick with nerves and can feel myself relaxing when I am on the road home again. I've been driving since I was seventeen and used to be super confident.

One of my biggest regrets in life is not learning to drive. I took lessons and my test in my early twenties but failed and never tried again.

At 62 I think I am too old and nervous to start again but I would love to drive.

Some of you are very young to feel like this.

After I started working again 11 years ago, I drove less as I walked to work. So DH did the driving needed for socialising for the most part, unless he wanted a couple of drinks, then I'd drive home. But my night driving is not a happy time. Halos around lights, even with anti-glare glasses. Raining? Yikes!

The mature drivers thing sounds good, I need to look into that. I have been driving since 1965, and am fine in the daytime, but just don't have much occasion so do not feel my reflexes as a defensive driver are as sharp as they should be at all.

Glad I am not alone! Thanks everyone.