Can anyone tell me what went wrong?

Maggiemaybe what a kind balanced thoughtful and helpful response

Really: as far as presents are concerned your right hand shouldn't know what your left hand is doing, let alone catalogue them in a list. I think your erstwhile friend may be depressed, or feeling that she can't fulfil her" obligations" to you. Your ego is probably pricked by her rejection. I do sympathise, as it has happened to me, but you must just let her go.

I'm not one of those who thinks every post on GN should be a there, there, you're right of course, don't worry type. If someone asks for advice they need to be prepared for contradictory views. But there are ways of putting these views across. The OP has lost a good friend, is losing sleep, wakes up crying, is "completely destroyed", "going mad with worry". By now I imagine she will have taken on board the criticism of her behaviour as regards giving and receiving presents, and I feel some of the responses have been unkind.

For what it's worth, I think the old friend is ill. Throwing flowers at a delivery girl is not normal behaviour. Perhaps the daughter hasn't replied just because she doesn't want to get involved in her mother's relationships. I can't see any way forward with this old friendship, but wish you all the best with future ones.

Playing Lady Bountiful seldom works if all you want to do is feel better about yourself.

I think it's Samaratins training..................but then I could be quite wrong "stansgran"

Yes, I edited in case the words gave offence. Gentlemen, I beseech you in the bowels of Christ.......

What is SAM please?
Didn't Oliver Cromwell mention the bowels of Christ? I always liked that.

My first post ever was asking for advice and,yes, some of it was harsh. But actually it helped me to see things from the other persons point of view. If you can take it on the chin this is a great place to get a range of opinion and to realise that sometimes your own ideas just might be a bit skewed.
Oliver Cromwell: "Gentlemen I beseech you to consider it possible that you may sometimes be mistaken"

That is really harsh. Happy New Year. Girls, girls that is just awful. We need to help our gransnet members, gentle advice please. I must note that in the future not to ask this forum for some help. Ouch!!! Meow!!!!

Now that is harsh.

How I read it is this....over the years you ( in your opinion) have given her gifts and every gift made her feel inadequate. You being wealthy, her being hard up. You flaunted this in her face. She most probably felt very jealous of you, uncomfortable and unhappy that she wasn't in the same position. It must be a good feeling for you to have loads of money and stressful for her to struggle trying to make ends meet.

My guess is that she has made a friend where she lives now who is in the same boat as her. No longer does she have to have your wealth shoved down her throat. She has not got dementia, has just moved on and feels happy for once.

Friendship, over. Find someone else that sings from the same hymn sheet as you.

Wow there are a lot of harsh things being said on this forum. Perhaps sending her gift back was not a good idea. The way your friend behaved to the florist was not good. People change, let her go and put your kindness elsewhere. I hope you feel better soon, very hard to loose a friend like that. People can be very strange. Go easy on yourself, you sound as though you have a kind heart.

A friend of mine turned on me after 15 years of friendship - Although I discovered I was the latest in a group of friends she 'fell out' with - she had mental health problems worsened by long term medications for sleeplessness and seem to have left her with definite paranoia as she turned so nasty on her former friends for no discernible reason. Sad as it is - there is nothing you can do - you said your friend has been ill - she may have been affected mentally and getting the present back has not been well received however practical it seemed to you. It's possible it will never be resolved so the best thing you can do is to let it go - maybe ask GP for counselling referral as talking it through with an objective listener may help you. Going over what you've given her to try and work out what has gone wrong won't lead you to answers if the reason are mental health related as there isn't a rational answer to find. So sorry for you, time will help, as may counselling listening sessions.

If some-one returned a gift I had sent as you did that would have been the end of a friendship. Sorry if that sounds harsh but I would never do that to any-one, plenty of Charity Shops, Church Fetes etc who would be delighted with an unwanted gift

Time to leave this "friendship" where it belongs - in the past

As someone else said previously, the OP didn't say she had sent the pyjamas back she just 'texted her kindly' to say she would send them back so the friend could get her money back.

What a slap in the face that must have been for a friend of over 26 years...

I think the mistake was sending back the present. When she has had years of poverty being able to buy you a present will have meant a lot and it will have hurt to have it returned. After all if she's three hundred miles away she would never know that you didn't wear them. The distance alone would make your relationship less close. Probably time to walk away.

Got it now, thanks again Jalima,

A returned present wouldn't bother me..

Wonderful presents? gorgeous flowers? You are very sure of yourself aren't you? Isn't it for the recipient to comment on how wonderful/gorgeous a present is? Would you have like one of YOUR gifts returned for a refund?

I think the OP has seen which way the wind was blowing regarding our replies - that is we haven't been saying there, there nasty, rude friend - and so has disappeared!!

Not a writer anniebach - a Blogger!!

Unless you are intending to write a book about GN and all its diverse posters.

Thank you Jalima, me a writer ? That is funny

I would have just kept the gift and donated it to charity. It can cause so much upset to return something.I know from experience

chenelieges don't look back - look forward

We have a 'friend' who has just been extremely rude about a present we gave him - no sign of dementia, has his wits, but has always been rude and is getting worse. Do I persist with the friendship? The rudeness has reached the point where I can't tolerate much more. Should my NY resolution be to be brave and say something or just ignore any requests to get together?