Can anyone tell me what went wrong?

Then people might have said "Oh well, maybe you got it wrong but have a hug anyway."

It looks like you actually wanted us to tell you how to get your friend to be as friendly as before, which we obviously can't do, sorry.

Unfortunately your story has now changed so much that it actually makes the original post obsolete You really can't expect us to be mind readers

Your friend moved away 8 years ago she made a mistake as to what she sent you as a present, we now know you have talked with her amicable over a number of texts Is that not the end of it ? .......
So why then did you send flowers as an apology Apology for what? Presumably more must have happened than you have told us

Telling us we can't read when you have given us a muddled version is not very nice i think we have all given fair advice which is what you asked for there is no point in 'there there have some flowers' if you are asking for advice Maybe you should have said I m not looking for any answers but need a hug then you would have got lots of empathy
I hope you can put this behind you and find some new friends

I meant 'if you won't try looking at it from another's point of view' etc

You are all so very, very wrong in your judgemental attitudes towards me. You have totally misread my original post (I did NOT in fact actually return the gift of Pyjamas)

I think many of us tried to see things objectively which I assume posters thought would be helpful to you in finding out what went wrong - which is what you asked in your OP.
If you do try look at it from another's point of view, which is what posters were helping you to do, then there is no point in asking for opinions.

roses was it the totally uncalled-for use of the phrase 'who calls herself' that was the clue?

I think it is onset demnetia. The fact that she sent you pyjamas with a disney pattern on and much too small sounds as if she has got her presents mixed up

Confused perhaps,although I think Disney PJs could be very nice, but not evidence of dementia.. Perhaps she had wrapped up two presents and simply mixed them up. Or misread the label (age 12 understood as SIZE 12)
Anyway this saga no longer seems quite as cut and dried as OP intended.
And sadly it reflects less well on OP than on her erstwhile friend.

I think there has been some very sensible advice given on here.

Time to find new friends, widen your horizons and perhaps offer help and your energy to local charities?
Your friend moved 8 years ago and I think that it is time to move on.

in fact, more than a bit.

to say that only one person has responded favourably is simply untrue.Now I am a bit suspicious about the whole thing....

Margaret I love my Mini Mouse PJs [offended emoji]

Has the OP perhaps put on weight in the x number of years since her friend last saw her? That might account for the PJs being too small

Exactly. The information about the number of texts that were exhanged does change the picture. Who knows what else has been kept back?

I don't think the friend has dementia. Poor woman!

Maybe the text messages were less friendly than you imagined, as you couldn't hear the tone of voice?

Maybe the mention of gin was some sort a sarcastic joke?

We can't possibly know and you don't seem to know either, so we can't really help you with "what went wrong".

I think it is onset demnetia. The fact that she sent you pyjamas with a disney pattern on and much too small sounds as if she has got her presents mixed up.

Of course you mst miss her terribly, but how she used to be. It could be thst you would find it hard to get on with her now. My best friend has dementia - just beginning and I have to be very careful with what I say.

Daphne. I agree. I don't think we all misunderstood the information as originally given and there does seem to be a lack of self awareness and empathy. One or two comments were a bit harsh but I wouldn't have said nasty and most just tried to give a point of view. Having been at the receiving end of Generosity that I was discouraged from reciprocating, I find it hard to be sympathetic.

totally misread my original post (I did NOT in fact actually return the gift of Pyjamas) - the subject was discussed via various text messages between us, but never in fact took place. My friend actually suggested sending them back or exchanging them
It is hard to follow a story which changes.
This was not the original version, and unsurprisingly, cheneslieges we CAN read and if you ask "can anyone tell me what went wrong?" You can't be surprised at honest answers.
If on the other hand you wanted a pat on the shoulder and a "there, there", well that was unlikely to happen given the original version of the story.
If it was all amicable (texts, suggestions of gin etc etc) then I fail to understand the problem.

chenes jefm

It is hard when replies don't seem to get how you feel. Believe me I know! But I think you have to take on board that if a lot of people feel that your friend would have been upset at your actions, then there is a possibility that is how your friend felt too. Maybe? I took on board what posters said about a friendship that I thought had come to an end, swallowed my hurt and, let's face it my indignation, behold, we are friends again?

Totally, utterly wrong. You obviously cannot read. This happened in August last year, 2 days before my birthday.

To the vast majority of harsh and unfriendly posters on my situation. You are all so very, very wrong in your judgemental attitudes towards me. You have totally misread my original post (I did NOT in fact actually return the gift of Pyjamas) - the subject was discussed via various text messages between us, but never in fact took place. My friend actually suggested sending them back or exchanging them for a "bottle of gin" for my upcoming holiday. I am NOT going to add anything further to this unhappy situation, as I am deeply upset by all your vicious and unhelpful comments. Only ONE person posting on this Site has come near to the true understanding - my heartfelt thanks go out to a kind lady who calls herself jefm

I would not have returned a present in those circumstances but charity shop it.

It is a rather rude thing to do. It does sound to me as if you might be considered to be flaunting your money when she is a lot less well off. In general to send a friend expensive gifts if you know they cannot afford to reciprocate is rather unkind to them.

As for being "harsh to other posters" you can "wrap up" how you feel about someone else's very "unhelpful actions" in a situation, but if someone has not seen that the "unhelpful action" was not a sensible thing to do in the first place then they may need it spelling out much more clearly.

Your friend has been gone for 8 years now. She may have been quite relieved to leave what sounds like a cloying and quite probably demeaning relationship. Her gift to you was well-intentioned and an attempt to redress the balance and you have simply humiliated her by your reaction.
Today is a new year, time to let go of this friendship and find satisfaction in new activities.

???

I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. Gifts for all occasions is brilliant. I've no idea what went wrong, Bob's your Uncle.

I know the gift shouldn't have been sent back, but what a shame for that poor florist to have her flowers refused. No consideration for the florists feelings there. It is puzzling to just recall the gifts given, if they were too much her, her friend should have said something, also why on earth cannot her daughter just answer a straightforward question and say what went wrong, because whatever happened Chenin knows she was over the top but does love her friend. I think that is quite callous of the daughter. I hope she can move on and not beat herself up, she is hurting enough. Try not to make the same mistakes again, but who has not made a mistake, so let it go now if you can, obviously a kind and generous person who just went over the top.