can be concerning sitting on your own

You should never worry about what other people think. I have been a widow for quite a long time. When I go for a coffee I just tend to sit by a window and people watch.It has never entered my head that people may think I am some lonely old soul,they have their own lives to think about.

Ouch, * swanny* that wouldn't be easy but glad it spurred you on to greater things x

Thanks for the flowers grannyqueenie, that was kind. I'm afraid on the occasion I spoke of, I was in bits and hid in a doorway! However that made me angry - why should I hide? From that day on I managed to hold my head high again and projected a much more confident, capable image!!

If there is a Morrison's near you Cath9 the set up there is perfect for any time of day and, because of the price, usually pretty busy. I have been encouraging my DH to go there a lot on his own as I am trying to build his confidence up after hospitalisation which has left him with mobility problems.

swanny hope you managed to sweep past them looking, even if not feeling, cool as a cucumber !!

I'm out and about a lot on my own and can honestly say that
such a thought has never entered my head. Lots of other thoughts maybe, not all of them happy ones, but never that.

Yes grannyqueenie I experienced similar when my husband left. Everywhere I went there were couples walking arm in arm - unfortunately one day it was him and his bit of fancy!

I am quite comfortable doing things on my own and would never give a thought to why someone is sitting in a café not as part of a couple . People just tend to be getting on with their own lives and thoughts to really notice (or care) why I am on my own . The only place I would not go to alone is the pub ! but no where else is off limits .

Friends who are widowed mention that now the world seems full of couples, waking arm in arm or enjoying a chat over a cup of coffee. In the same way, soon after my mother died everywhere I went all I saw were mothers and daughters happily walking arm in arm. In those situations it's hard not to greatly miss what we once had and long for it once again. That sense of aloneness can be very acute and it's hard to believe everyone around doesn't notice it. I wonder if that's what you're experiencing cath

Thanks all,
I will say that today I went to Morrisons where I often get a bite to eat and really enjoyed being pn my own there. Also the stafff know me by now, coming up with what I had ordered saying:
I expected this would be for you!'
So it may have just been that one day, being in such a small place with people of my own age sitting next to me.

I usually get chatting to someone when out and about, and usually end up with someone either giving me their number or them taking mine. The other day a young guy gave me his number for some coach trips he was running for disabled people. The time before that it was a guy who was walking dogs for a living.

Maybe it's me, but if I had to worry about what other people were thinking about then I wouldn't have the brain space to chat up these lovely men!

But you're missing the point, PamelaJ1. If you're hardly ever on your own you're very lucky - it's not quite so easy to enjoy solitude if it isn't a choice...

That is so sad, it just goes to show that what goes on in your head colours your life.
I hardly ever am on my own but when I am I enjoy it so never think that anyone is judging me. Just chill and wonder about everyone else instead.

Now that J52 is really a good reason to have a regular coffee somewhere . There is a nice Austrian style cafe not far away from me . I must make a regular date

If and when I am on my own, I have every intention of going out regularly for coffee or lunch, on my own if necessary.
Recently there was a news story of an elderly lady who had become stuck in her bathroom, rescued by cafe owners. They'd noticed that she had not been in for her daily coffee.

I wonder what has brought this on? Christmas is indeed a time when alone too easily becomes lonely and perhaps it is a reflection of Cath9's mood . It is so easy to think everyone else is having festive fun, all happy families, couples having coffee but this is not necessarily the reality.
Sitting in a Costa coffee/Starbucks/Waitrose or John Lewis coffee shop (enjoying my free cuppa) I am quite happy to be on my own. My Kindle or iPad provide me with reading matter (or there is always the DM?) but if you are feeling lonely Cath9, how about arranging to meet a girlfriend for a coffee and a Danish pastry?

I'm another who doesn't give a second thought to having a coffee or a meal on my own. I usually have a newspaper to read and relish the peace and quiet.

Crumbs! I often go to cafes and restaurants on my own especially when I'm away on business. There are lots of people doing just that so it's never crossed my mind. I find I get looked after really well!

Love the Ancient Mariner remark - he did like a good chat didn't he.

I like going on my own and I love to people watch. I have a friend who takes a Kindle with her but if I get a break to go shopping I spend my time with a coffee crossing things off my lists. I also have a dreadful tendency to strike up conversations Ancient Mariner style.

I do all that jackyB and as I went away to school, I really do not mind being on my own.It is just, as you pointed out, when in small places and when couples, of one's own age, sit next to you
I have had a bit of this feeling since last summer, when a dear young chap, who I did have a quick chat too while waiting for a bus, saw me again a few weeks later when I was sitting by the river.
He came to sit next to me, but only to ask if I was ok, as he said he had noticed me on my own a lot.
He was so nice trying to suggest what to do, as I was then in a difficult situation.
So this feeling has occured since last summer but, as mentioned, only when in small places.

My sister-in-law, who never married and is now an "old maid" was ill in the early 90s and has never worked since, due to health problems. She had breast cancer, but mainly she was in a terrible state mentally, following the death of both parents (which I am convinced made her susceptible to the cancer), and what she regarded as harassment from her colleagues at work (at an institution where she was supposed to be the boss).

She went through many months of therapy, including building up her self-confidence by completing such "tasks" as going to a café on her own. Until we spoke about that, it had never even crossed my mind that it was a difficult situation to sit alone in a café.

My thoughts, based on that, are

- a café is fine, but not a lot of fun on your own, unless you have a book, paper or crossword to do.
- does a man sitting on his own in a café wonder what other people are thinking?
- a restaurant might be different, but if you have to have a meal on your own somewhere, just brazen it out. (A man would!)
- there are so many single women of our age (widows, unmarried, divorcees) that it is absolutely nothing unusual. Probably no one is looking at you anyway, and if they are, they won't be having unpleasant thoughts.
- Smile at the other guests, but don't stare!
- Have a little chat with the waitress/waiter (don't keep them too long, though!) so that any onlookers will see that you aren't in any way abnormal
- Show that you are enjoying your food!

I am quite at easy in a cafe on my own. I have been doing this since I was about 10 and I am now 70. I always have in my bag a Sudoku and crossword cut out from the newspaper to keep me occupied. I go to the cinema on my own too.

For anyone who feels a bit wobbly about being on their own I would suggest you find a favourite cafe, go there regularly. Have brief chats with the staff who serve you. I often compliment the youngsters on their nail varnish, hair etc and this sometimes starts a brief conversation. I never chat to them too long just enough to be remembered.

There are a lot of things I find difficult now I'm a widow but having a coffee or a snack on my own is OK. I find larger cafes where I can be more anonymous are the best sort. When I had a husband (bless him) and I saw an older man or woman on their own I assumed they were widowed and to be honest the thought did cross my mind that one day that would be me. Keep going into Cafes Cath9 and don't worry about what other people are thinking.

I agree with the others who've said they don't think people would be thinking what you feared, cath. However, even if they were thinking that, why would it matter? They could equally well be thinking how lucky you were to be peacefully alone. Think positive