Toddler tantrums

DD was good at that too, feet touching the floor so you couldn't push the buggy!

My daughter used to take on the "ironing board" stance, where I would try lo fold her up enough to get her into her buggy, and she would arch her back and go stiff. Very embarrassing.

Actually, not so much pear-shaped as a red-faced octupus lying on the floor screaming and throwing out arms and legs .
(DGD1 who is now a very quiet and fairly placid child!)
And as for DN - used to lie on the floor and hold his breath (scary) and is now one of the quietest, gentlest men you could meet.

I think tiredness does it - 4yr old kicked off on way home from school today - she has been fine recently, but she does get very tired and once DD gets some food into her she is much better. I have just remembered that DD had a massive tt aged about 2. We were staying with my mother and DH and I both thought she was ill/ ear infection or something - as we were about to call the GP, my darling mother quietly said " I think you will find its a tantrum - just leave the room and she will probably shut up" we were astonished!!! It had never occurred to us that the screaming was self induced!!!!! Can't think why I have only just remembered that. Its such a relief to read posts from people who understand that my DD and SIL are very firm, fair parents who have instilled excellent manners in both children, but from time to time it does go pear shaped!

never been allowed to have a tantrum!
If there was a foolproof way to stop them then no-one seems to have found it yet

It is a normal phase for many toddlers, probably those with a strong, assertive character, which characteristics will stand them in good stead in later life.

Apparently I only ever had one tantrum but it was a real bramah! And in public.

Those who say their children have never been allowed had a tantrum are telling porkies ! I guess it is a round about way of giving yourself a pat on the back for your perfect parenting style !
Diversion works well for most children although I wouldn`t think it wise to have a tantrum yourself to divert them as one poster says she did !

DD 1 wasn't given to tantrums but had the most almighty one on the floor of a department store when she was 3.5 We'd had a frustrating day ,she was very tired and she had my sympathy. I was 8.5months pregnant and huge otherwise I might have been tempted to join her on the floor and drum my heels too but I feared I'd never get up again.
DD2on the other hand had them regularly. It was hard to ignore her because getting out of control used to upset her .If she'd let me I used to hold her really tight -trying to pin the flailing arms and legs to her body This used to calm her fairly quickly .

Its funny, we "were not allowed" to have tantrums as kids; my mum was very, very strict, and yet my daughter would still have them when my mum was looking after her.

My three children were all brought up the same but only No2 daughter had temper tantrums. To be honest I struggled to deal with her when she kicked off but my darling mum was amazing at diverting her. I am ashamed to say that as a young child I used to bang my head on the floor if I couldn't get my own way. Mum took me to the doctors and he said "Let her get on with it - she'll realise in time that it's her that's suffering" Wise words I feel - and I did eventually stop doing it!

My daughter was an absolute little cow as a tot. Her tantrums were legendary! She's in her 30s now, and assures me she had a very happy childhood, and that I was a good mum, who taught her right from wrong, and enforced boundaries.
I think, to some extent its down to the child: their personality, and how fiery they are? I dunno, but I'm glad she grew out of it! (Though she is still rather "fiesty")

Temper tantrums in little ones are a sign of frustration as they are not always able to articulate their needs or wants and do not understand the reasoning behind such things as wearing a coat because it's cold
'But I'm not cold' is often the answer and insisting they wear one is enough to set them off.
They aren't cold because they are still in the house!
Time has no meaning either, they can't see why they have to hurry up and get dressed for school when they might be playing with a toy.

Temper tantrums have nothing to do with the discipline imposed (or not) by parents or grandparents. Anyone who thinks they have must have limited experience of dealing with children. I have seen children brought up by parents who believed in free expression who have never had a temper tantrum and ones who have been strictly disciplined defy their desperate parents and scream their heads off. I was a bit laissez-fare, my DS and DIL are much more strict. One of my DSs had TTs, the others didn't, one of my GCs never had them them either, 2 have them, one rarely, one more often. It amuses me when people think they have some sort of an answer because their kids didn't have TTs. As I said before it is pure chance and dealing with them has to be done on an individual basis not with this idea that one size fits all. You make a lot of judgements about other people and the discipline they may apply paddyann It is also possible that TTs are a sign of seeking independence and wanting to do things for yourself, which most of us would encourage in children.

My girls had to knock on our bedroom door if it was night time...well we might have been up to something. But on the other hand I always knocked on their bedroom doors before I walked in. Seemed fair enough....mutual respect for privacy.

my children are certainly not perfect but having boundaries didn't do them any harm ,and why shouldn't they knock on a door ? They learned that the adults had a right to time and space of their own.And yes once they were able to dress themselves I would rap the door before going in to their rooms ,they need privacy too

When DGD was crying and whingeing for no real reason I did pretend to cry and whinge too until we were both giggling helplessly and she said 'Granny, you are being silly!'.
Mind you, we were not out in public at the time!

I don't remember DS ever having a tantrum although the DD did.

I do think the mirroring of a tantruming toddler's behaviour is very odd and rather cruel. It probably worked because the child was terrified!

I presume you knocked on their doors too.

Your kids had to knock on the sitting room door? In their own home?
I never thought of that.

Parents who say they have perfect children are either very, very lucky or fibbing.

not pushing my luck trisher ,it worked for my kids and so far with the grandkids and my daughter has dealt with tantrums the same way with success .We were strict about a lot of stuff ,no carrying on or shouting in the car ,kids knocked the sitting room door after 8pm as it was adult time , and never walked into our bedroom without knocking even when very little ,once they reached 13 they had an allowance they had to buy their own essentials,toiletries,magazines etc from .I know that friends with an autistic son have a different set of problems where tantrums are concerned but most kids have tantrums because they think they'll get their own way

What a condescending post. Having raised 3 sons and now with 3 GCs and having dealt with loads of 'problem' kids I can tell you it's just a pure lottery and no one can guarantee that any method will work with every child. You've been lucky paddyann no need to crow about it. Some kids never have tantrums, some kids tantrums are easily dealt with and some are hard to deal with. Just one warning no idea how old your GCs are but it isn't unknown for tantrums to return when children are older, don't push your luck!

we never let ours get away with tantrums,if they screamed and stamped their feet so did we,even once in a quite upmarket shop...she didn't try it again .I think we embarrassed her ,I've done the same with GC,its a tantrum free zone here and they knew that from an early age

It is so reassuring to know how many others suffer in the same way! Diversionary tactics are great but when the 'red mist' descends we can't get thru it!! I'm sure by the time they are 21 we will be laughing about it! many thanks again.

Yes, diversionary tactics often work

My GCs are the same age although being only just 4 the older one won't start proper school until September. You could try the distraction technique with the 2 year old. When the screaming starts ignore whatever the tantrum is about and mention something entirely unconnected "look at the flying pig" I call it. It can be anything you like particularly if there is something they really like. "Was that a fire engine I heard?" it doesn't really matter, just a way of shifting the attention.
Your GD isn't alone in refusing to dress mine went to the shops in her pjs the other day, refusing a coat or a blanket in her buggy. By the time they reached the street corner she was asking for both. She had to learn for herself!