How to have conversations

Don't you just chat along and then say 'what do you think' I used to solicit the kids opinions all the time, where shall we go at the weekend /on holiday / should the dog be wearing his coat yet / family life is non stop chatter at that level.

I had to include a variety of imaginary friends too from time to time, one was an alligator and caused a lot of extra work with his requirements at mealtimes, but Gake, Hovis, Elvis and Kumer were fine although invisible. We were equal opportunities early on.

I also taught my lot when slightly old to argue a case effectively (I am an advocate) and lived to regret that to this very day as we are a contentious bunch and can go at it for hours when we're bored.

She won't be much interested in house prices and stuff yet but the availabilty of whatever she is interested in or schoo topics or friends............my 4 year old grand daughter never stops chatting on..........and very nice it is too. Her imaginary mate is Ralar............he is a bit of a git and we discuss his behaviour a fair bit and what she might do about it.

I was shy as a child - my older sister dominated conversations at the table as she was anything but shy! She may well be listening (although appearing bored) as I used to follow the conversation but rarely made any comment. I was the same in school too. As I grew older I did join in more, especially once my sister was at work and not home so much but I can say from my own experience that I would have dreaded being 'expected' to talk when I didn't want to so my advice would be to let her be, if she talks at other times then don't let chatting at the table become an issue!

Lol, I should pick up some tips from here on how to join in with conversations at MIL's about people I have never met or heard of

I suggest what our family has done for generations (I know this because of the little stories that have got passed down) rub your hands together enthusiastically and say "what are we going to talk about today?"

I became more chatty and definitely more assertive after I had my children.

Thank you - some really useful observations and ideas here. Much appreciated

Me too, Grandma2213.

joyjoy you gave the example of the child's cousin talking about an event they had both been involved in. Probably it seemed, to the little girl, that the cousin was describing everything perfectly well and there was no need for her to make any contribution.

Maybe the others at the table talk such a lot, in general, that the child feels there is no need for her to say anything at all?

Don't worry about it and let her have peace to enjoy her meals.

I can remember in my younger days never being able to think of anything to say, especially when I was pressured! I suppose I was shy. I was in my 40s before I had a friend who easily conversed with everyone. I listened to her and copied her. It still does not come naturally and sometimes I overcompensate and talk too much.

As Janeainsworth says maybe she is storing up her observations for future use! Let her be. I still find most adult conversations boring!

At the table I meant to add.

O,M G. Echoes of my own childhood here. I used to dread having to make conversation when all I wanted was to be me.

GS2 sits down to dinner and says "How was your day Mummy?" He started this when he was three. Whether he's interested in the answer is uncertain!

It sounds like fairly normal behaviour for her age group. We have a ten year old GS who we pick up from school two days a week. We have given up trying to get conversation out of him on these occasions, unless he chooses to volunteer information about his day himself, which is rare. I can usually tell by his body language what kind of a day he's had, but generally speaking, he's a happy, busy little boy, so I don't worry too much about it. He's far more chatty when we get together at the weekend, when we will all sit down to lunch and he will join in the conversation if and where he can. As others have said, chat when she wants to chat.

Tea was always at 6pm in our house and eaten in silence, so Dad could listen to the six o'clock news on the wireless.
The disadvantage of this from our parents' point of view was that we then asked searching questions about current affairs like the Suez Crisis, or who Sir Edward Boyle was and why they disliked him.

Perhaps joyjoy your DGD is quietly absorbing the adult conversation and storing up her observations for future use.
I would let her get on with it.

Had another thought, joyjoy, ours love being asked their opinion on things like the colour to decorate a room or whether we use the white or patterned plates. They also love to give fashion advice. We don't have to take the advice (!) but it gives the basis for some fun chats.

Children need to see models of behaviour/ language etc. to help them learn. if the adults have lighthearted conversations about their day, TV, newspaper article etc. and then turn to DGD and say, as you would to an adult, how was your day?, What do you think of the show / article? or Can you tell me about that computer game you like to play? etc etc. If you are talking about some local/national issues you can always ask her opinion too! Does she go to any clubs /classes etc.? She may be keen to talk about those.

She may get into the habit of joining in. Make sure the question you pose does not require a yes or no answer & whatever you do do not make her feel she is being interrogated or on the spot!

At 9 I was at boarding school and we had to eat in silence, except at breakfast wen we were allowed to converse!

what is proper conversation when you're nine? I hope it's not question after question of 'how was your day, what did the teacher say, what did you have for school lunch, did you play with your friends at break-time' etc etc
Dunno, dunno, dunno, dunno

I agree ffinnochio
Chat when she wants to chat
It's annoying when someone keeps talking to you when you want to be quiet.

Yes, I agree ffinnochio

...in answer to the OP.

Oh, for heavens sake, just enjoy her company.

Yes*Ana*, it's not unusual in France for families to sit round the table for a long while, eating and talking. Of course, Joyjoy's GD won't manage two hours, but a discussion about food leads into all sorts of lengthy conversations.

rosesarered
DD when asked 'what did you do in school today?' used to answer 'Nothing'.
Not much point in going really.

I rarely got a word in edgeways at our dinner table. That's why I used to be called 'the quiet one of the family'.

and DH was brought up with the belief that there should be no conversation whatsoever during dinner.

Just wait until she's a teenager - saying nothing at all to any of you, even on the phone, but chatting ten to the dozen with her friends (what do they talk about?).

Two hours!?

Why not take a leaf out of French children's book? Families discuss the food on the table, how it is grown, how it is cooked, how it tastes, whether it is nutritious and so on. Two hours later the children have contributed with interest to the conversation!