How to have conversations

Try having a conversation with my 24 year old grand-daughter. Like getting blood out of a stone! She used to chat away quite merrily, but over the past years conversation with her has become non-existent. She is evidently capable of talking the hind legs off a donkey, but not with me, I think we are on the wrong wavelength.

Too much talking whilst eating can cause indigestion.

DGD said not a word as she demolished her dinner the other evening. I would be more worried if she had talked and talked and pushed her food around the plate and left it.

Maybe the child just likes to concentrate on her food and to enjoy it.

Ask her about something you know she's interested in, if you must. You'll then see if she wants to prattle about it at the table or if she'd rather just eat.

Yes, you must certainly be short of problems if this is a worry.

Badenkate that sounds very familiar. With my GS (10) it's Minecraft, Dr Who & Star Wars. Yes, he has ASD. ,

I would expect a child of 9 to join in conversations around the table. If you think about what she does chatter about joyjoy, is it about things she's particularly interested in, rather than things others are interested in? I'm asking because my youngest DGC has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers, and this apparently was one of the defining symptoms. He will quite happily talk AT you for ages about Pokemon or Minecraft but can't maintain a conversation about something that interests you. He also finds it difficult to 'read' emotions. He is also 9, and this is something which has very much come to the fore this year.

"Otherwise we worry that the whole tuning out thing will become habit" - this cannot be serious - the poor child need not be shy or otherwise flawed. She is simply not the remotest bit interested in what you are talking about; and there is no reason why she should be. Let the poor child eat her dinner and stop making mealtimes an test of her verbal skills.

I cannot believe that you are worrying about this; you must be short of real problems to worry about!

If you want to know what young kids do at school you have to talk about your day first! What you have done, found intersting or have learned. Then you can ask what his/her day was like..then they know what sort of things you want to know!

I went to a funeral yesterday. I got talking to my little twin great niece and nephew age 10. Both at separate times. They had been very quiet for a while but actually had had the courage to walk over, without being pushed, and sit at our table, they don't see a lot of us so I felt really privileged they had done that. I started talking to them about school and what they enjoyed about it, and their holidays, what they wanted to do when they grew up and things like that. We had a lovely chat and I felt I knew much more about them and their lives.

I remember all the adults chatting and laughing one evening at my house at dinner, then a little voice piped up with 'no-one is talking to me'! It was my little 3 yr old grandson who must have felt out of things. I have always remembered that and it taught me a good lesson. Children are just little people who love to be included. I made an effort to include him in the conversation after that.

Opposite way round here Falconbird one of our DGS would join in with all the conversation round the table at 9 and start conversations but having got to 14...now silence and a lot eating. Joy joy your little GD may turn out to be a very good listener, with just the occasional comment.

I cast my mind back through the mists of time to when I was 9. I can remember chatting with my friends non-stop at dinner time, in the playground etc, We didn't have phones so I can't comment on that. I think, around adults 9 year olds are fairly quiet. I can remember listening intently to adult conversations but didn't join in until I was about 13 or maybe even older.

General questions like "What did you do in school today?" aren't very productive - they're the ones that generate answers like "Nothing." Better to be more specific, like, "What are you studying in math?" or "What book is the class reading?" Maybe even "What did you play at recess?" or "Who did you play with at recess?" Yes, you may get one-word replies - or a steady stream. But for some children that seems to be the beginning. True conversation, with its give & take, is an art, after all. It takes some kids more time to master than others (some adults I know still haven't, lol!).

I say be glad she isnt sitting at the table with her I-Pad.

Maybe she is shy. My three children were shy,like their father, which used to cause us some concern because we knew the agonies he had suffered.
A close friend recommended that they joined a speech & drama class, which they enjoyed.
Their teachers still complained that they did not join in class discussions but I replied "That's their nature" ( A wise old owl sat in an oak, the more he heard the less he spoke!)
My middle son, who is now in his 50's and very successful in his career, frequently needs to give presentations. He surprised me by saying that he still used tactics he had learned at his drama class.

Carigransnet - that's exactly the kind of story that got passed down!
On the flipside: we had friends who we shard lifts with to a local sports club. At their tea time on those days the conversation was 'what shall we ask the (nannrose's children) about today, knowing that guaranteed an 'excange of opinions' to liven the journey!

My dd is just about to turn 9. She's quiet until I start the conversations with her, then she doesn't stop! I think it's lovely that you want to engage her in conversation. We talk about school, her school friends, what she's looking forward to in the holidays. She loves baking, dancing, Colouring, needlecraft and gardening. Get involved in all her interests and hobbies. Mine loves to read Roald Dahl so to get involved in that, I get her to read the books to me, then every so often occasions arise which are similar to the stories and we have a good old giggle. (Bfg has some good dinner time laughs) go for a walk before dinner and then bring up subjects of things you've seen out and about.

Instead of what did you do at school how about what was your favourite thing at school today...what was your least favourite ...following each with why is that your favourite etc ...in other words, always better to ask open questions with children.

DGS mostly does'nothing'at school, but sometimes finds it 'boring'! I'm not sure about these precocious brats having long conversations. Whatever happened to "seen and not heard"?

And now DGS follows in his mother's footsteps - he doesn't do anything much at school either!

juney64 that is a really excellent article - thank you so much I will pass it on

Jalima that made me laugh. My DS replied "Nothing" or "Nothing much" to every question about his day at school. He didn't have much to say at the dinner table either unless the children were squabbling. He's now a perfectly functioning adult and Dad though not exactly chatty. We are all different and thank heavens for that.

joyjoy there is an excellent article online on this subject. It isn't very long and may be helpful if you care to take a look.

bit.ly/2mRGHwJ

joyjoy

Perhaps you could ask your GD to help with laying the table and preparing / cooking the meal.

Maybe from being involved with the process she just might feel part of the whole mealtime activity.

I wouldn't be worried too much though. My GD says as little as possible on the phone and chats at the table .

Listening to adult conversation isn't going to do her any harm. As long as she has friends and can chat to them, I wouldn't worry.

Joyjoy.
Be grateful your grandchild eats but not converses around the table
Many parents have the opposite, all chatter but no eating.