very difficult time with family and grandchild living abroad

I too have both my DS and DD living abroad and all my 5 GS's were born abroad and I know exactly how you feel. We must remember however that we brought them up to be adventurous, independent and resourceful and must allow them to be what we hoped they would become when they were children. I do concede that it would be better for us if they didn't choose to do so so far away ! As well as skype (which from China is very iffy most of the time) we use WeChat on our smart phones. DD sends messages, photos, videos and the boys can also send verbal messages. Use anything you can to keep in touch and try some of the things that others have mentioned to occupy yourself. It really does get better with time.

thanks all for the much needed messages that are very helpful indeed.
I think where ive gone wrong is that such a lot happened in last few years as well , lost my mum, step sister and a best friend all within 18 months so , so many losses and sadness and my family so far away when I needed them, never mind, I gave up doing most things that I enjoyed as I was just existing trying to cope, I need to rebuild my life.
I will then have some kind of life for me, no wonder I feel lost. thanks again, a fabulous site in which I only discovered today by accident when I picked up the daily mail there is an article inside about grandparents with familily abroad and this website address, was meant to be............

One lady I know knits blankets for premature babies. I think she sends them to the Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital. This has helped the awful nurture block we all get when we have so much love to give but no way of giving it to our own families. Helping others is a good way to feel involved though. There are many charities that would welcome your input.

My son has been left home practically since he went to uni. When he finished uni he then worked 600 miles distant. This was followed by spells all over the world. He then married a girl from very far away, they live 8k miles distant, and I've met my grandson twice. Skype is not as often as I'd like, but we Skype about once a month. Skype is also not like having a proper chat but it's what is available.

We have to let them ago. I'll repeat a phrase I used several months ago.... along the lines of.... "they don't need us the way that we need them".

They are young, making a life, busy. When I was their age it didn't cross my mind how much my parents might miss me during the times I worked abroad. And there was no Skype or mobile phone in those days. We went to the City centre Telephone Exchange and booked a call to the UK which sometimes worked and sometimes didn't connect at all.

I think of my son many times each day. Sometimes it's easier than others. But there's nothing I can do about it. And it is many many years since he left. We exchange emails but they are not newsy with the munitia that us women like, the little things that matter.

OP - I fully understand how you are feeling, the sadness, feeling low. Are you likely to go visit anytime soon. Or could they have a trip home. could you help fund a trip if you don't want to go to them. I feel your sadness, I truly understand, I feel that way often. It's not something I talk about too much with my friends as I don't want to be a bore.

Perhaps find a little joy in choosing inexpensive gifts to send over to your grandson. Last week I posted a little book that cost only £1. It's the thought that counts. I made a poster using felt pens and glitter and sent that also.

We must let them go and make our own lives worthwhile.

I too know how you feel Sausages. You need to start finding ways to fill the void. It's hard to do at first but with a determined spirit you will be surprised at how soon you can start building a new kind of life.
Being angry is part of a whole range of emotions and I think it's probably quite normal. Perhaps it's not so much anger but more sadness and hurt at what is really a huge loss.
You've got to try and start doing new things. Have you got any other family, friends, work, hobbies? What about a pet? I have a small dog and I can honestly say that she is just the best little friend I've ever had,
You'll make new friends and hopefully feel more connected here on Gransnet. x

You are not alone, plenty of us have children who live in another country, my daughter and husband left the uk 10 years ago initially for a year, which has slowly extended. It was painful always holding on and hoping, but i now accept they have no intention of returning.

it is hard, but they have made their decision, right for them, and we have to accept it.
You will get more used to it, gradually, so try to keep busy, ensure you keep in touch via social media and visit regularly if you can. Much as most of us would like our children to be reasonably close by, many move away.
I do understand how you feel. Good luck.

Hello sausages. Sorry that you feel so angry and lonely, especially if no one in your area is in the same situation.
I am a long-distance granny as well. As ffinnocchio has suggested, you will find several threads on this theme which may help you. I also endorse ilovecheese's suggestion that you try to extend your interests and activities. Joining a gym, enrolling in classes or in the U3A activities will extend you and may help reduce the anger and loneliness.

I understand the loneliness but why are you angry? How can we be angry that our children are living their lives as they wish and are happy?

Many of us in your situation embrace our children's life choices and we are constantly trying to make these choices work for us, as well.

If you can explain your situation further, then we may be able to offer more guidance based on our own experience.

But hugs to you and. A long-distance granny can be happy and fulfilled...and become close to their grandchildren, despite the apparent contradiction in terms!

I am so sorry, if this has happened recently, then yes, it will get better with time.
At a time when I was lonely, what really helped me were my hobbies. Do you have any or is there anything you used to do that you could take up again? I don't mean to trivialise your situation it's just that it was what really helped me. Another thing I used to do was to arrange little treats, like a new magazine or something nice to eat. or small excursions to different parts of town. I know they sound like small things, but added together they did help. I expect it is extra hard if there is no one else you know that is in the same situation. I am sure there are plenty of others on Gransnet you can empathise with you. I would also like to send flowers but don't know how.

sausage . There are quite a few of us on GN who have family & grandchildren living abroad, so try not to feel too isolated - keep chatting.

It can be difficult to adjust to this situation, but I have found that through time, it becomes easier.

There are days when I can feel a little angry or low, but quickly remind myself that they are living a life they have chosen, and in my case, happily so.

There are quite a few threads on Long Distance Grandparenting, so you might like to dip into a few of those. It might provide you with some perspective.

Sorry i wanted to send flowers but got it wrong!

Your situation is far more common than you imagine. I think we all can imagine what that would be like and understand your feeling angry. If you are really depressed then approach your GP at least until you have come to terms with the situation.
Evrything will become more manageable with time and perhaps there will be a visit to look foreward to. flowers

Welcome sausages123 I understand how much of struggle it can be as I am in the same situation. Do all your family live abroad leaving you alone in the UK?

Hi sausages ( great name) welcome to the forum, I have every sympathy with your situation, it must be so hard.Other forum members will be along soon am sure, to share their advice on this problem.?