very difficult time with family and grandchild living abroad

Tynsall, why not start a new thread (rather than reviving a three year old one)?

Right now, I don't think distance makes much difference at all. A lot of us just aren't seeing family, haven't for almost a year.

It's true that Skype and Zoom aren't the same as meeting. We have to be very careful what we say if the grandchildren are around. (Save negative stuff for phone calls.)

We don't have much news either. 'What have you been up to?' usually gets the answer 'Nothing!'.

It's time to see the situation as a challenge (rather than a problem), and concentrate on what we can do, rather than dwell on what we can't.

It's an opportunity, too, to adapt to circumstances, to fill our days with new and interesting things (hobbies, crafts, films, reading, gardening, walks - lots to choose from).

Look forward to next year, perhaps when we can reunite with loved ones, but it's an independent life for now.

I just wondered if anyone is going through something similar. I have 2 sons who both live abroad, one in Canada & the other in America. The son in Canada has two children a son who is 4 & a 3 year old daughter They don’t really say a lot on Skype & just walk away it is very difficult building a relationship up over Skype. I love them very much unfortunately my sons don’t really understand & find it hard if I get emotional (in front of the) not in front of my grandchildren & can’t deal with it all. I would like to talk to someone who is struggling like me. I will feel better tomorrow but the problem is still there & won’t go away.

Dear sausages, I know exactly how you feel and actually started a thread on here many months ago about how to cope when children emigrate. I got many replies which was a great help. It's good to know that the negative and angry feel gs we have at times are shared by many on here. It can be a bit of a strain putting a brave face on it when friends enquire about you children and you have to sound so upbeat when your heart can be breaking about missing them so much. I don't agree that time helps however, as I personally feel sadder than I did, probably because getting older and realising that if you needed them for health reasons and support that they will not be just round the corner. Hobbies and friends ds do help

Writing as someone who lives abroad I remember leaving the Uk but my parents were both dead(Both heavy smokers) so I was spared that heartache. Before Mum died I had spent many sleepless nights worrying about leaving her to go to Germany but DH was qualified for such a better job in Germany and we both knew we had to go. As it happened we moved when my DD1 was 3 years old and it was the best thing for us as she had GPs in Germany.
I decided that I would never give my DDs the impression they couldn't leave me to go somehwere else to have a better life. I didn't want them to worry about me.
As it happened we had to go abroad when DD2 was just 18 and we did and spent 5 years back in the UK and they really grew up in that time and are now very independent women.

difficult day is mothers day when family away. I do get a tad envious friends out with their families being spoiled but always get flowers and chocs in the post that makes me cry. enjoy your day all.x

Just think of it as your time now, when my hubby died I was alone because he didn't like to mix with people & didn't like me to mix, so all my friends had dropped off apart from one. I looked around for things to join, I joined a Knit & Natter group which meets once a week on a Thursday afternoon, there are more on other days but I just go to the one, then luckily for me about a year later the WI started up in our village & I joined, they have spin off clubs as well like Craft Clubs, Book Clubs, Darts/games night, film club & trips out, I go to craft & film clubs, you meet a lot of people who if you are friendly are friendly back to you. I was always terrified of going alone to anything wouldn't even go for a coffee by myself when out shopping. this has helped me a lot. in fact after film club a friend & I take a disables friend for lunch, this is only once a month but so enjoyable to go out with friends

Hi Sausages - I can really relate to your situation. I call it 'umbilical whiplash' - the sadness and longing have felt so deep and visceral on occasions. Both my daughter and son are in Australia, as well as my two little GC's. Back and forth for the last six years (costly and exhausting) as their life transitions have flown by and missing the everyday minutiae of their lives which is what builds and maintains relationships. Like 'absent', my daughter and I have finally agreed that I'm going to emigrate. Yes, it's going to cost an arm and a leg. Yes, it will mean living in a pretty punishing climate. Yes, it will mean leaving well established friendship groups and activities. Yes, things might go badly wrong. I've come to the conclusion though that the only thing we really leave behind us is the memories of our relationships. I remember my maternal Grandfather with deep fondness (he lived with us until his death when I was nine). Grands can be such an important resource in a family, as long as there is mutual and reciprocal love and respect. Fortunately I am in good health and able to be an active and involved Grannie. The joys (and frustrations!) of family life are deeply rewarding.
I leave the UK for Australia in August. Occasional bouts of 'What on earth are you doing?' but in my heart I know it's the right thing. Fingers crossed!!

Just reread this thread and saw I missed the post, Op, where you spoke of all your recent losses. So sad! I'm so very sorry. (((Hugs))) I know you felt angry because you felt no one was there for you. But I imagine some of your anger comes from your grief, too, if that makes any sense.

Glad to see you're planning to "rebuild" your life! When you need someone to "be there" though, I hope you come in here. Lots of sympathetic people here, as you can see.

Different circumstances but I'm estranged from my family and I get you. Here to talk anytime . I have health problems so don't get out much or have a social life so am feeling a bit lonely and isolated too x

I too have family abroad, in America. It is lovely when they come over and we see them in the flesh. We visited once but feel too old now and have health considerations. Skype and Face time are a wonderful invention, not the same as real life. I did see my granddaughter open the presents we had sent her birthday. At least that was something we could share. The look on her face was very special. So we have to make the most of modern inventions at least we can see them and they us even if we do look rather wrinkly! I hope you feel a bit better about it soon knowing that so many Gransnetters are in a similar position.

So many of us in similar situations. It gives some comfort to know that we all feel similar emotions at times.
My daughter, new son-in -law and granddaughter ( who I was very close to until she left aged 5) emigrated to Australia nine years ago. They now have 4 children and will not travel to Europe for another few years.
So, I make the long journey once a year, mostly on my own. I is costly, tiring, and the climate is pretty tough to live with. BUT spending a few weeks with them all, doing the school run, swimming and joint time away makes up for all that.
FaceTime also helps, and I've found that the more I see them the closer we get.
The hurt never goes away - accepting what is helps a lot . And sharing our worthies and feelings with others....

It's so reassuring to find so many people in the same situation. My three "children" are all in different countries, and our holidays used to be spent visiting them. My daughter has been in California for 25 years, and my two grandchildren are in Dubai. However, advancing age and insurance costs have meant that we can no longer travel this far and rely on them visiting us. You just accept that they are not coming back, and make your own life. As said before, U3A is great for this with so many different groups. Skype is also a wonderful thing - magic that you can talk to someone 6,000 miles away and see the little ones having their lunch!

There are days when it can be such a struggle.

Someone further up post hit the nail on the head for me. They said don't live your life through your children. But I do want to.

No experience of children living aborad apart from a daughter who went to China for a year to learn Mandarin. That was bad enough! I can only think of you and hope some peace comes soon. The anger is natural part of grief. You are grieving for lost family and friends so you are very understandably depressed and angry. The only practical suggestion i can make is book in a visit. Then save like mad. Vrery many best wishes coming your way.

Do things that get you out of the house and into company.
I take ballroom dancing lessons locally. People come as both couples and singles, it's lovely to see the singles getting together to enjoy learning to dance and just enjoying the company.
Otherwise join local clubs, WI, crafts, U3A, ramblers etc. You don't say how old you are. Could you go along to a local school and read to the children, support people at the local old folks home, set up an Adopt-a-granny scheme between the two?
It's difficult but if you start doing other things, it will also give you interesting topics to chat about when you do get together with the kids whether online or in person.

Hi what area are you in , lm in the same situation. Regards Geri !

Hello Sausages 123, welcome to GN, its a wonderful site and you will get lots of help and encouragement.
Your anger I think is more the reaction of so many losses you have had in the past year, it is hard to come to terms with, then your family moving abroad must have been the last straw. I am sure if you SKYPE more they will feel closer to you, is it possible for you to make the jouney to visit them sometime? I hope you will have some activities you will enjoy in the Spring and Summer, make new friends and things may not feel as bad.I wish you all the best and send a hug to you, take care.

I'm just about to join the long-distance grandparenting club, too. Not as long-distance as some but still a 4.5 hrs flight away. DD and her family are off to Cyprus for the next couple of years, a great adventure for them and a lovely holiday destination for me. Thank goodness for Skype

Hi Sausages. Yes our eldest daughter and son in law have lived in UAE since 2010. Our grandson was born there in 2012. It is very hard and I miss them all so much but am so thankful for the modern technology such as Skype and text messages which keep us in touch and I know what he is getting up to, although when he was a baby it was heartbreaking seeing them on skype because I just wanted to pick him up and snuggle him. There are times when I think about him, or see a photo and have a little cry but I know they all love it there and have a fantastic life, which is what keeps me going. We manage to visit each other two or three times a year which is more than some people manage so I am very thankful for that and cherish the time. Thankfully our other daughter and son in law are only 30 mins away and we were blessed with another grandson last year so I have had lots of snuggles with him. On the positive side.... whenever we do see grandson number 1 he is wanting to "fight you" so Skype fights are less painful...LOL

You have had a bad time and its understandable how you feel. Try to get back into doing things that you enjoy to keep your mind on good times. Talk to us on here if you are feeling sad or lonely.

I have a son who's married to an Australian girl and has lived in Oz for the past 14 years. They have no children. We Facetime with him every Sunday morning for about an hour, without fail (barring holidays/illness) and that is such a big help. He's been home a couple of times and we've been out there twice although now we're getting older and hubs health insurance is getting ridiculous!

Our daughter married an American and has lived in the States for 13 years. She has two lovely children. She's been home once (air travel is expensive with little ones) and we've been out there a few times. We also Facetime most weeks. Our granddaughter is coming up for 8, loves ballet and often gives Nana & Grandad a live performance! Grandson is 3 and now. joins in with the conversations and even though we last saw him 18 months ago he seems comfortable with talking with s via Facetime.

I miss my darling children & grandchildren sorely but they are settled in their new countries. Thank goodness for technology!

Even though I'm 67, I still work full-time and have many crafting hobbies to keep me occupied. Just as well because I'm not a 'joiner' (clubs, WRI etc).

I am sorry you are feeling so depressed and angry. But you know, there are many of us just like you and we learn to cope - just as you will, given time.

I have been reading all the lovely advice people have been giving and it has made me feel so much better because on occasion I too feel very down with no one to talk to. I absolutely agree though that we grans must live our lives for ourselves and not through our children. I'm learning Italian and have been doing so for some 4 years and I enjoy going to the classes every week. It's a good challenge and it is something I can look forward to.

I am another 'long distance gran' with three very young grandchildren (from our son) in Australia. I totally understand your sadness and also your anger. We also have a daughter in Australia who has just got engaged to an Australian and hopes to start a family with him very soon. Much as we do use FaceTime it can be very frustrating and it is just about impossible to hold any meaningful conversation with the children around. The time difference also makes it tricky as they go to bed early. We have been fortunate enough to visit but know we won't always be able to do so and they seem very unwilling to make the journey here. My best advice is also to try to keep busy and occupy your thoughts with things other than family if you want to keep smiling. Sending you hugs. You are not alone.

Oh and besides skype and facetime, don't forget "snail mail" if there are little kids involved. Little ones love to get cards and letters. They might not write back, but they will enjoy and remember what you send.