Taking care of GC and getting ill

Jenpax you are working so hard helping your daughter and grandson, you have my admiration. I am puzzled though as MOnica says why your daughter does not get benefits to help with household expenses. Why do you have sole responsibility for your grandson at weekends after working all week. There does not seem to be a fair division of labour here unless we don't have all the information.
Respect

Taking care of my gc can be exhausting, lol! But I love doing it and wouldn't trade a moment! I do have to say no, sometimes, if I have something else planned. Fortunately, dd respects that.

I have so much respect for Grans who look after the GC , it really exhausts me to the point where I feel quite unwell . However I will be looking after new GS (12 weeks) when his MUm goes back to work but only for 1 day a week . It would be remiss of me to offer anymore support than I can safely manage but feel that even doing just the one day will save them so much money - nursery costs are astronomical . Why costs are so high I just don`t know when Mothers are expected to go back to work so quickly, it surely would pay for the government to subsidise or offer some free time to under 3`s .

Hi am new first time posting,I am 62 and still working as a chef in a cafe very hard work look after GC ages 7 5 4 after school and nursery 3 days a week I am thankful i only work part time as i always seem to be moaning i am tired

jenpax, you have my every sympathy. This is one of those situations where life gets in the way of - well - just living. Surely your DD gets benefits if she cannot work for herself and your DGC. Surely she can make some contribution to the family budget, all the child benefit and some of her benefit towards her keep?

I have co parented my small grandson with my daughter since his birth, he is now 6. I also work full time and care for the house (where we all live) alone.my daughter has health problems and doesn't work so my salary supports us all.
I love my DGS very much and want to help all I can but even though I am in my early 50's I am exhausted I have him alone every weekend and I am the one who does the school run, cooking,bathing and homework. My daughter does little bits but it's as if I was on my own really. I find the work, child care and financial responsibility very tiring but really what choice do I have

A friend was bemoaning that she missed having a baby in the house now her DGC are growing, and no sooner said than eldest DGS came back from uni with his girlfriend and announced he was going to be a dad! She's still getting her head around becoming a great grand mother at 67!

There is a bit of difference in energy levels between 40 and 50 somethings and 60 and 70 year olds!!

I became one at 71

My friend was a granny at 41.
I became a granny at 62 (nearly 63).

Really interesting thread. I am 62 and pretty fit and healthy. I moved 6 months ago to be nearer my daughter and her two adopted children who are now 4 and just about 5 (they are only 11months apart). My daughter has CFS and really needed support. At the moment i am really poorly with a bad chest infection.
I just got so run down . It is tiring with her kids as they are very active and don't settle for long but i think it is the constant feeling that she isn't well and i need to help rather than just pleasure to spend time with them.
I was divorced and brought up 3 kids on my own and i don't want to be back in that situation.
I am considering my options when both kids start school in September. Currently I am just renting.

I'm a young grandma (45) and have had care of my gc for 3.5 yrs (6 now ). I am exhausted daily. I've no idea what feeling rested is. I will be relinquishing care back to dd very soon (that comes with anxiety and joy) but I will continue to assist with childcare as dd works. I'm not sure I'm ever going to feel rested ever again!

I read all these posts and think what wonderful human beings you all are! One of the things I found about becoming a mother was that it made me more human. Becoming a grandparent multiplied that a thousand fold! But being human, we are all different and have different limitations. If I had been physically able - and my son and DIL willing - I would have looked after the GCs seven days a week, but this would not have been healthy for their family. Badenkate, you stated that there are GNs on here who are emotionally bound to their GCs to an extent that is worrying. That could have been me! But my ill health - and the family moving halfway around the world for my son's work - put a stop to the huge amount of time, energy and money I was investing in my GCs. I am grateful for the involvement I had for the last six years, but commonsense also tells me to be grateful for the time I will have now to be healthy. We must listen to our bodies and strike a healthy balance between what we perceive as good for us emotionally and what we can handle physically. You got a big smile from me, Jalima, when you said that you didn't know if it wears you out or keeps you going. Sadly for a lot of us, the 'what keeps me going' is adrenalin - and love! - driven, and we pay for it with the exhaustion we feel and the frequent illnesses. We mustn't forget to be good to ourselves, stay healthy and stay alive! What a pity for a grandchild to say: I had this amazing grandmother, but she died when I was six!

I have just read an article on line about a couple with a young family who live in the S.E of England and have paid their mortgage off in full after 9 years ! They done it by going without luxuries. If all adults done that Grans would be redundant

I had my first two GC from they were 3 weeks old until they went to nursery at 3 ,then for half days until school at 5,my 8 year old ( my sons daughter) I've had since she was 18 months 3 days and nights one week and 4 the next.Her parents split and they share custody ,he stays with us and works strange shifts so its generally me who looks after her.I love having her around ,loved having the others too but they live too far for me to look after on a daily basis now as I dont drive.Today we went shopping ,had lunch out,made some easter nest cakes and washed all the dollies clothes ...all 8 of them and got them all redressed for the easter weekend ,had a wee while outside with her scooter before we made dinner ...she helped with veggies and set the table.My husband doesn't have a lot of patience with her which is a shame ,but its he whose losing oout .I'll send her back to her mum tomorrow and have the other 3 over the weekend ...next weekend will bechildfree

Starlily you are an inspiration! I have my 18mnth GS 3 full days( 7am to 6pm) and yes I get tired, but no more than I did teaching full time, and the pleasure and closeness I get is well worth that. But I choose to do it, no pressure from daughter, and I guess that's the difference from feeling obligated.

I looked after my GS two days a week from 1-4 years old. I had to drive an hour there and back. I loved it at the time and will always treasure the time I had with my DGS. When my daughter had another baby she decided to give up work for a while. She wanted to do this but I felt I had to really offer to look after the children if she wanted me to ( though secretly hoping she wouldn't)
I used to find it very tiring minding one child and I think 2 including the school run would've been too much!
My DD recently asked me if I could've managed both children and I had to admit that I wouldn't have wanted to. I still see them once a week and help look after the baby and with jobs around the house. I'm 67 and keep very fit, even so I'm exhausted when I get home and can fall asleep in the chair as soon as i get in! As someone else said, the constant lifting, carrying and running after children is really too much when you're older and not used to it every day.

But, it has paid off for now I have a bond with my grandchldren the other-side grannies don't. Beammeupscottie.

That is a sweeping comment to make and I am surprised that I am the one to pick you up and challenge you on it. I am not going to get into a competition to 'prove' how much various grandchildren love their grandparents based on how much child care they get, but quite simply I think your statement is inaccurate.

I am with Badenkate and Christinefrance. If our children are not mature adults they are too young (regardless of their age) to be having children. Of course there will be extreme circumstances when Grandparents do a lot of childcare and I think all of us will respond instantly when an emergency arises.

But if Grandparents think they are imposed on and that their children are taking them for granted they might ask themselves who is responsible for making those children so regardless of their own parents health and welfare that they assume that the burden of childcare can be passed to others and get upset when this free resource fails them.

One of the problems is that the adult children have the grandparents over a barrel - as some of the grandparents know only too well. In the UK, grandparents have NO automatic rights of contact with grandchildren at all, and in the event of a breakdown of relations, either between the parents themselves or between the grandparents and the parents, the grandparents can be cut out of their grandchildren's lives altogether, thrown away like a piece of rubbish. Their only redress then is costly and stressful action through the courts, which is beyond the means of many grandparents, and has no guarantee of success.

Please sign the national petition, on the Petition Parliament website, “Support the right of children to have an ongoing relationship with grandparents” -

petition.parliament.uk/petitions/188381

Please sign and pass on, to end this injustice. Thank you for reading.

There's obviously something wrong with me.....I can't wait to be asked to look after my GD!! I was a teacher so I'm used to Lion Taming

I don't think it's necessarily a case of parents nowadays 'wanting more and more'.
My dd and son in law are not at all extravagant or materialistic, and don't give a toss about flash cars or designer clothes, but they need two salaries to be able to afford a modest family home with a garden. And they are both graduates with good jobs.
Dh and I did not need two salaries in order to buy at a considerably younger age a house that would now be rather more expensive than theirs.

I know it's different in some other parts of the country, but anywhere around here, many couples could scrimp and scape and save up for England, and it still wouldn't be enough when in the meantime they have to pay hefty rents. Especially for those who can expect no help from the bank of mum and dad.

In some ways I think life is harder for parents of young children than it was in my day - even taking into account very high interest rates at certain periods.

I'm privileged to look after my 5 year old gd and 9 month old gs 2 days a week - and it is a privilege! It has given me a new circle of friends from attending various groups, all of whom are half my age. School runs etc give me much needed exercise, and gc give me an excuse to go on swings, slides etc and generally behave like a child without caring what people think! Enjoy your gc while you can, they're not babies for long

Reading all these posts I am left wondering how on earth a lot of us on here managed to survive working full time and raising a family ....at the same time having elderly parents (one in my case, my mum having died when I was 23) my dad was luckily independent until he died ...didn't want to live with me when I was a single full time working parent, as he said my daughter then aged 2, 'talks too much'..... I had to move for work more than 250 miles away from everyone, friends and the ex in laws ...but like a lot of us, I coped because you have to. There were times I would have loved some support with childcare, but it was not available .......sometimes I really don't know how I did it, but we survived ...my daughter had 'play dates' or tea at friends; houses a lot and at weekends I would return the favour by having those children at mine for maybe a whole day, or afternoon ..holidays were spent at ex in law's caravan, late s I l's lovely house in Surrey, or on holiday with her to Portugal (paid for by me !) .and for the final week or two of the long holidays the YMCA ran a children's play group with outings to various places ! Hated not being able to go o hols with her but whenever I could we had a weekend away or a day trip somewhere. When she was a older teenager she preferred to be home after school alone or with a friend until I got home from work ...she did all the ironing, cooked the dinner, cleaned the house (I never asked or expected her to !) for which she was paid (she ever asked to be but I was grateful !)as a result she went off to Uni totally able to rely on herself ...only trouble was she was so independent by then that I haven't seen her since ! still love her though and think about her every day !!

Talking about grans doing childcare ...when my late s I l had a full time nanny (she was ill but they were wealthy !) the nanny had regular lunch dates and afternoon groups with other nannies (this was a wealthy part of Surrey)...wonder if something like that could be a good idea for grannies to think about ,.small ones happy, grans meeting friends for a chat and a cuppa ....has anyone ever thought about that ? I found out from the internet that my daughter now runs things for the NCT in Berkshire ...lots of things organised for mums and babies ,,,,might get some ideas from them for grans and babies ! Also when I as a stay home mum years ago the local Church had mums n toddlers services, play groups, outings by coach ....ask if you go to a Church or the WI if anyone knows of anything ....I am sure grans would be welcome with the toddlers as well as young mums ! I did read the article in the Mail and have to say it left me somewhat relieved I live so far away !

I think we have someone in their 90s actually, Fairydoll

Sorry Willia but I am glad you are posting (and ironing!)

Willia

At 86 I think you may possibly have the honour of being one of the oldest, if not the oldest grandma on Gransnet.

Respect!