Surprise engagement

Should have said my daughter thought it was time she met the young lady, not time her son met the chikdren.

One of my grandsons who is in his mid 20s is involved with a lovely lady who is 13 years older than him and has two children. She didn't introduce him to the children until she was confident it was going to be a permanent relationship and my daughter contacted her on FB to say it was time they met. ? They are now living togethet and my daughter loves her to bits and the children call her Nanny, The only one not completely happy is my youngest granddaughter as she liked being the youngest in the family. ?

DS2 and partner have been together for 23 years and have two sons who would like them to get married, so that they could have a party!

Only an engagement? My youngest had been with her partner for 10 years and they had 2 children when his parents and I were invited out for his birthday, lead to a nondescript building in a backstreet and their wedding announced as we went in.
No preparation, no flowers, no bridesmaids, no dress, no cake, no photographs.
Then we went out for lunch. I was delighted at the lack of ridiculous expense but son in law's father looked shell-shocked.

Oh, and my brother was 23 I think!

My oldest brother rang my mum & dad to say he was engaged and bringing his fiancee to stay at the weekend - not sure if my mum was more nervous or her! There'd been no sign of girlfriends til then so it was a surprise. They married a couple of months later - nb they weren't pregnant at the time. Four decades and five children later they are still happy. You just can't tell who will last and who won't, so it seems best to have an open mind and fingers crossed.

Maybe the question to ask is 'Tell me all you want me to know about yourself at this stage'

When DH and I told his parents we were engaged, and planning on marrying within 6 months, his Mother blurted out "That's a bit sudden isn't it?" , which I took to mean "Are you pregnant?" (I wasn't) . But we HAD been going out for 6+ years!!

Having been with DH for a year, rang my Born Again Christian godmother to tell her that we were engaged, expevting her to be happy for us. Was amused when there was a minute's silence before she said "Why get married, dear - these days no-one minds you young people living in sin." I expected the earth to open up and swallow me whole!

We got married unexpectedly in Africa & telegram ed our parents, in October 1975. My parents sent us a cassette recorder, with a taped message, saying how delighted they were. His mother sent him a letter saying she never wanted to hear from him again! Nothing from his dad, even though he lived with his wife!

Your son has a right to choose his own partner without having you vet her first! He is an adult not a child. I understand your concern , after all we want our children to be happy, but you could alienate them both if you inundate them with questions. They are getting engaged, not married yet, and I'm sure you brought your son up to be sensible. Trust his judgement, be happy for him and enjoy the weekend. Incidentally the same happened to me in a way as my DD lived away from home and she is settled with a beautiful daughter and step son, both of whom I love dearly.

Don't forget to come back and tell us all about the visit.

I could not agree more,keffie, well said.

I would be more surprised than shocked if I were in your situation, after all your son is 25. Just be happy for them and get to know her, have you thought that she is probably nervous at meeting you too. When my daughter brought her future husband home to meet us my mother in law was quite shocked at the fact that he was Afro Caribbean and my daughter had not mentioned the fact, realising that we would not care. He is a lovely man and 30 years and 3 children later they are still happily together. Put your worries aside, enjoy the weekend and please, please let us know how it goes.

So much good advice on here. Just get to know her gradually, you don't need to know everything about her the first time you meet. Trust your DS's judgement.

This all sounds fine compared with the thread about a recent widower in his 70s moving a new woman into his house and apparently accepting her taking over his life and his home.

Good to see Rubylady back and on form ?

Iwas on holiday in Singapore when my son rang me up to tell me he was getting married. I had to ask "who to?"
He had known her 3 weeks she was 10 years younger than him and from Poland.They got married 6 weeks later.
10 years on they ,and my lovely grandson, have a wonderful life in Poland and she is the best thing that ever happened to him. I couldn't wish for a better daughter in law.

I only knew my first husband for 2 months before we got engaged. My parents had met him but nobody thought it was serious we had 35 years of happy marriage until his death. My oldest son did the same I hadn't met his partner but after 16 years I can honestly say he made the right choice and I love her dearly. I comes as a surprise but then so do a lot of really good things.

Back in 1972 my 'single again' Dad threw a frying pan to my betrothed and asked if she would cook for us!

She still remembers that day but luckily it didn't put her off.

In fact she passed this test (and others!) and was accepted into the hearts of both my parents.

Ruby lady welcome back-hope you're feeling better.
Our elder DD had just started her law degree (at local uni so still at home). Always knew she'd make a good lawyer, a right drama queen amongst other qualities. She came in one evening, having been at local pub, saying quite quietly "I've just met the man I'm going to marry"! You could have knocked me down with a feather. . . .21 years happy marriage, 4 lovely DGC and a successful business later, it all worked out well.
So hang on in there. . . .

One other thing to ask of your son...sleeping arrangements. You mentioned getting the spare room ready. He may expect the two of them in his room but perhaps that is the spare room.

Why do you have to ask any questions other than those that crop up in normal conversation?

rubylady

I had worked with my now husband for 3 weeks and been out with him once when I told my mother we were getting married! I was 20 and he was 24. We got engaged 2 months after that and married 6 months later. This meant I then moved 250 miles away from my parents home to an area where I knew nobody. We celebrated our 43rd anniversary in Feb this year and have never regretted our decisions, in fact it just gets better! This was so out of character for both of us, nobody ever said a word or even questioned us!

I like it rubylady, you are a woman after my own heart.
Hope you are feeling ok now .

Its not odd and it happens more than you think! It maybe a new situation to you however please just welcome her with open arms.

If you dont, you run the risk of alienating them and specifically your son. I know what the ex deceased Mom in law was like when I met her. It put up walls that the ex never fully forgave her for.

It was me that encouraged contact. She wasnt a pleasant woman. I am not saying you are like her. It was her nature with everyone.

What I am saying is just enjoy her and them being there together. He is a grown man and won't take kindly to you doing the Spanish inquisition.

Your son is entrusting you to meet this woman. Please don't make it difficult for them as you may live to regret it.