How can I make my daughter lose weight?

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Hypnotherapy is supposed to work but it is not cheap. Would she try it do you think?

You can't "make her." As much as you may worry, it's up to her.

I have spent years of my mum grabbing bits of me saying things like ...you were so much prettier when you were thin..., how's your weight dear... good lord your love handles are coming on well...
All this from a lady who has always been size 20 plus and I've only been a size 16 max
Very hurtful, completely unnecessary and I'm always been well aware of how I am a bit wobbly
She sounds like a happy girl, leave her alone, it's her life and choice and old enough to know what to do and when

There is nothing at all that can be done if the person's weight is a taboo subject which would upset or annoy them. It's just the same as anything else we might do that is not all that desirable e.g. smoking, overworking, getting drunk.

If the person brings up the subject themselves, then you can be encouraging about any steps they are taking and can make suggestions, Only If Asked.

I agree with Pam. Sadly, much as YOU may want them to change, they have to want it for themselves.

You cannot force someone to lose weight. Unless they are in the right mindset, then of course encourage and support.

PamQS Fri 19-May-17 10:49:59 Knowing the risks and ignoring them to keep peace is not loving a family member. My brother's children wished they could have lived closer (one was in the process of doing so) as when they were there visiting, he minded his food intake. His wife now wishes she'd tried harder to get him to watch his intake.

Once dead... there's no second chance.

I will have to leave this thread alone as I feel so strongly about it, but understand others don't want to accept that they may have it within their power to help someone turn their lifestyle around.

I have put on a lot of weight over the last 30 years despite frequent dieting and no amount of comments or gifts of dieting books from friends helps. Nobody enjoys being fat, but she is more likely to lose weight if she feels happy and accepted for who she is than if people nag her. I've been on the receiving end of this kind of thing, and it encourages me to see less of the person concerned rather than to start yet another diet.

I'm sure your daughter is intelligent enough to know the risks that come with obesity, and honestly, there is really nothing anyone else can do.

This was in the Little i, and thus the Independent yesterday. It might have been in several papers, so perhaps if she reads newspapers or online newspapers, she might have seen it? If you can send it to her DH, or print off, it might offer a talking point.

www.independent.co.uk/voices/fat-but-fit-myth-diet-fitness-obesity-complications-inclusive-a7741126.html

Whilst attention grabbing headlines expose the “fat but fit” hypothesis as a big fat lie, it’s imperative we stop linking the idea that you can, or cannot, be “fat and fit”. The real issue is whether you can be “fat and healthy” – and the simple answer is no.

My reply was for Moocow above

Yes I have and it is great and so simple. I have found that I don't need to do the game anymore it just appear in my mind if I am confronted with a choice of healthy/unhealthy food. I have reduced my intake of unhealthy food by changing a few things. Good luck.

You can't make someone lose weight unless they want to. If your daughter feels the need to lose weight she will do something about it. She is lucky to have a mum who loves her no matter what she weighs, although that is how it should be. If and when she wants to lose weight she will do it.

I now wonder if there are environmental reasons for the obesity crisis.

I know a lot of sweet and fatty foods are said to be psychologically addictive. So many more people seem to overweight than in the 50s and 60s.

Perhaps some chemical compounds we are now adding to food stuffs are causing peoples appetites to change? I wonder if any reasearch has been done on this. It appears that certain hormones regulate appetite.
It's certainly not what food manufacturers would undertake. it might damage the food industries profits.

Have you tried it jocelyn?

worriednan Is your daughter perhaps happy but doing too much so that she has little time for any form of excercise?

Maybe offering to help with things which leave her time perhaps to go for a swim or yoga or something?

Perhaps her husband could help too? Sometimes busy wives and mothers are so busy, working, keeping the home and cooking, any time for any form of self care and excercise goes out the window?

Meant constructively..

Nice to hear from Petalmoore. That's how I started to loose weight when I had a swollen knee and the Practice Nurse said the only way it would improve was to loose weight. I read Eat Fat Look Thin. Very useful. I've had a go at 5/2 diet when you keep down the calories to 800 for two days a week (some says less) but this worked for me.

Then as I started to put on some weight. I thought about what I ate most. I came to the conclusion that it was wheat and sugar.

Since then I've learnt to read labels on products. It's amazing how much sugar is in almost every processed food we buy. As a rule I read how much sugar is in a 100g of the product. Under 3g per 100g is good. Don't worry about how much there is in vegetables as there is fibre to balance things.

Worriednan start reading the labels. Your daughter may become aware of what you're doing and may find it interesting. It means she only has to cut down on the sugar. Each 4g of sugar is a tea spoonful of sugar.
Don't worry about the fat we have to have something that gives flavour and makes us feel full. Don't believe what any of the labels say just read the amount of sugar. Sugar fattens us and makes us eat more.

Thinking of you both, Good luck.

www.exeter.ac.uk/foodt/

To anyone wanting to change their diet/lose weight, you might want to try this free app. which helps you "train your brain" to say no. You would also help scientific research at Exeter University. It is easy and quick, once you have done it a few times you might just want to access it when needed. Let me know if you tried it. Thanks.

I feel for you worriednan. My daughter is 44 and grossly overweight. She's struggled with weight issues for many years. 2 years ago she decided to diet and got down to a size 14, she looked fab. Then her husband had a stroke and all the weight went back on. The only reason it worries me is that she has a lot of other health issues herself. She's in Australia so I can only support her from afar.
Sorry to hijack your thread.

Worried nan, may I ask what her job is ? I wonder if it's a desk job with a lot of responsibility. And I wonder if she eats for comfort because she doesn't have children and feels she has failed in some way.
Frankly I think it's surprising we aren't all more overweight because there is so much rubbish food around everywhere you go. And calories sneaked into food and drinks. Had a can of fizzy fruit juice this afternoon and it had nearly200 cals in it. Should have stuck to water.

Food can be just as much of an addiction as drink or drugs, and it "anaesthetises" uncomfortable emotions, so no amount of reasoning will convince someone to stop. I had a morbidly obese friend of about 28 stone who collapsed and was put into an induced coma in hospital and tube-fed. She was already diabetic with heart and liver problems. She lost 10 stone in hospital, but the psychological aspects of her eating were never addressed, and once she was back home she would sit in a chair all day ordering takeaways and consequently the weight soon went back on. Sadly her heart eventually packed up.

I have found this thread very interesting because I am worried about my own daughter who has a different addiction which may sound "healthy" but isn't .... she is addicted to running which she took up because of stress in her marriage (she is now divorced). Now running is her main priority. It has the same effect on emotions as comfort eating.

She runs even when she has quite bad injuries, thus making her injuries much worse and very painful, but she forces herself constantly because she says she "feels better" for running, even though she is in her 40s and her body is rebelling. I suspect that emotionally she feels better but physically she has all sorts of problems. She has to sleep in the afternoons before collecting the kids from school because she can't live a normal life due to exhaustion - still she continues.

I tried to broach the subject one time but she got very angry and I had to back off. So I have found this thread very interesting and realise I will have to keep my worries to myself and let her make her own decisions, even if that means watching her push herself to total collapse. It's heartbreaking.

We are not in London but I will look that up. I really appreciate all your supportive comments

Sorry didn't mean to click then. the link is weightmatters.co.uk/disordered-eating/psychological-factors-in-obesity/

I know nothing about them, just thought they talk a lot of sense. Sorry I can't be of more help. Just keep on being a loving supportive Mum x

I sympathise. I cannot get to grips with my weight. It is a psychological problem. I don't think it is likely to help if you talk to her about it.

I have seen this place - Weight Matters - sadly in London. Some of what they say really resonates with me.

Hi grandmaof3's daughter here. Weight is such a sensitive subject, I am around 8-9 stone overweight. My Mum worries about me, I try for a while with some success then put it back on. Each time I feel like a failure which sends me back to food. I think food is my drug happy=eat, sad=eat, stressed=eat I don't really understand why I do it. But like your daughter I have a good life, friends husband son and a worried Mum. Its realizing I am worth it and stop listening to that voice that says I am going to fail - all diets work but its finding what's right for you and what fits in with your life style. For me I have been going regularly to slimming world (just over a year)although I haven't lost a huge amount I have learnt quite a lot about myself, that I am worth it, that having been weak and eaten that chocolate bar no-one is judging me except me! If something is worth having its not going to be easy. I have made some good friends going and realize its not just me who struggles. I'm Not sure if this is helpful but I'm guessing your daughter knows and as others have said she needs to make the changes but for some of us it takes time - I am 45

I'm not really sure whether you've ever broached the subject of your concern for her or not? Sorry if I've missed it somewhere. You say you are "all" concerned so maybe she has picked up on this and feels threatened? My DD was overweight for several years, then her marriage ended and the weight just dropped off. She looks better and feels better (though she doesn't eat healthily) but now, having worried about her weight, I now worry about the fact that she smokes. Just like you I can't make her stop so just have to be there ...