What would you have done?

Oh here we go again Darn so many of my critics make up what I've said and then criticise me - learn to read. I did not say 'positive' I said informative. Quite different - you can be informative and positive or informative and negative, or I suppose, just informative. On the thread for example, I am informative and negative.

I think you did well, but do call the office this morning.

I suspect (don't know) that the cap ended up on a peg at school as the children all went to school last Friday wearing football tops in aid of little Bradley Lowery's charity.

My DS and DDiL tell me that the dad is a particularly nasty piece of work so I should probably leave it as it is. I can't help but feel very sorry for the young lad who's cap it probably is although suspect it will never be seen in school again. The little boy is in between my DGS and DGD2 at school so year 4 and apparently a bit of a naughty boy too ( DGS's words).

Thank you all for (as usual) excellent responses and advice. This is what I love about Gransnet. When you are upset or worried about something and you just need someone to give you their take on the situation . I still haven't decided whether I will call in to the office this morning though.

I do look at the range of threads that you post on Rigby46. And I think that you have an inflated sense of your own erudition. For someone who prides themselves on posting "positive opinions and facts" , telling another poster to "oh just shut up" is neither positive nor factual - it's just ignorant and rude. Its quite funny that you go on to accuse Phoenix of "attaching" you and making no viable contribution to the subject, and then you add 3 vitriolic and personal attacks on her But that's something that you're well known for Rigby. You're becoming more and more unpleasant aren't you?

And phoenix I note that apart from attacking me, you had no contribution to make at all to what is otherwise an interesting discussion.

...really is.

Oh just shut up phoenix. Your posts to me just sound pathetic and childish . It's obvious to everyone with any sense that you have a problem with me. Why don't you try and discuss the point made rather than just attaching me? I think if we looked at the range of threads I post on and the imformsttive opinions and facts I frequently give, we would see what ill informed rubbish your post is. MYbe that's really your problem with me.

rar I like to think - I DO think - that any of the schools I have worked in would have made a response to being informed of what happened. There are several issues here: appropriate behaviour from adults on school property, the problematic area of bringing sentimentally important items to school where, unfortunately there is always the risk of loss / damage, the ongoing pastoral situation re the 'offending' father -and in particular his child and the potential fall out with / the emotional needs of the other child.
I am not suggesting that the school get involved in any other way than pastorally, but if I were class teacher of either / both boys, I would appreciate being informed so that I could be supportive to them.
With child protection issues in school, it is when we record incident after incident and paper trails are created and grow that further action eventually gets taken. In the incident that gilly witnessed, my greatest concern is for the child of the offending parent and I think it is worth this incident being reported and recorded for his sake. We don't address inadequate parenting overnight, but through gradually building a picture of failures, something may change in time.

It's shocking that a parent would behave in such a way. It is very upsetting for the little chap whose cap was stolen - and all credit to him for trying to deal with the matter himself.

I think I would reserve some sympathy for the other boy who I doubt will ever be described as "lovely and very polite" because his "role model" in life is a bullying, obnoxious father who encourages thieving.

I think well done to you gillybob for trying to put this right. You did the very best that you could do and, although I understand how much it has upset you, I'm not sure that much more can be done. I imagine the teachers are already aware of the family situation.

phoenix I think you know the answer to that one!

OK, before it gets reported, I withdraw some of that post.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Gillybob, you did the right thing in trying to solve the situation in an amicable way. Unfortunately this parent does not sound like someone open to sensible suggestions. As a retired teacher I do think you should mention it privately to one of the Senior staff or class teacher of the boys if you know who that is if only to make someone aware of what happened in case it carries over to the classroom between the boys. I would then leave the staff to deal with it.
Again, as a retired teacher, I would strongly recommend that children are encouraged/taught not to take to school anything of value, financial or sentimental, that they do not want to lose. It is very, very difficult to get property back unless you saw it being taken and knew exactly to whom it belonged in the first place. Hours of teachers' time is wasted on this. The mantra should be to never take to school anything you hold dear. Sad reflection of our times.

I bet they will be aware of this family ( the school) but they will be loathe to investigate a matter like this.
Actually I do think that Gilly shamed the pair , which is why the man stuffed the hat in his pocket, swore and walked off.
There is no proof that the hat was stolen ( sounds like it was) but think the onus is on the parents of the polite boy to follow up or not.
Gilly you have done your duty already.

Think what you want phoenix. Couldn't care less.Rar is perfectly capable of looking after herself and fwiw given how gilly described his behaviour, imo, it was pathetic to think he would be 'shamed'.OK?

I was going to say this left me speechless; however, not for long!

Do you know the parents of the child whose cap it was? Can you have a word with them and perhaps go together to the HT and report what happened? The little lad may never get his hat back again as the nasty father will probably make sure his child doesn't take it into school again, but at least the other parents and the school will be aware of the incident and on the alert to make sure that this kind of thing doesn't keep re-occurring.

What a vile and nasty man - unfortunately there seem to be more and more of these aggressive people around these days. You were very brave, but I think you should pass the problem over now to the other parents and the school.

rosesarered is right, the school will probably not follow this up but they should be made aware - if they are not aware of this family already.
What an example to set for your child - stealing is OK!

Rigby46 I think you comment of "pathetic" to Roses was bloody rude

It sounds horrible gilly, you did all you could and it's not surprising you're pondering what else you could have, or can do now. I agree with those who say let the head teacher know. A brief factual note with your phone number is one way to make sure it's logged. It's unlikely staff aren't aware of this father and none of us would be surprised if his son draws attention to himself in one way or another.
Roses is right to say teachers are well aware 'of parents who use bad language in public'. This was in a different league to casual swearing between parents, it sounds more like verbal aggression with foul language. As others have said, this father may be well known to the head for all the wrong reasons. If he loses his rag like that with you in these circumstances, I dread to think what it's like to share your life with him.

Feel shamed about it? You are having a laugh aren't you rar? Pathetic

I would tell someone at the school about it and ask if they can discreetly check the cap. If the boy ever wears it again.

Having a teacher in the family, they are well used to parents who use bad language in public, they ( the school) can't do anything about it.

Having thought about this dilemma.....I would let it go gilly
You backed up the little boy, he will tell his parents about it, and they will take it from there, either choosing to tell the school,or not.
The Father and son will now feel shamed about it.
It's a hat, in the end, and although the school may investigate...they will probably not do.

You cannot let this go. You were verbally abused. Report it.

I think the school needs to know what has happened. Firstly because abuse and language like that are not acceptable anywhere, but certainly not in the playground.

It may be that this father has previous and is on borrowed time and your story may be helpful added to any dossier that may be being kept. If a child in the school is a thief and his theft is condoned by his father, the school may feel a need to take discrete action to ensure that other children are protected from him and he is not put in temptation in any way.

You don't want to leave it do you though? You're too nice for that. There that sweet little boy to think of - and the poor boy with the horrible father may learn something as well