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New Kitchen Phobia

(110 Posts)
Iluvcruz Fri 22-Sept-17 20:41:24

Probably not the correct term, but I seem to have a psychological problem when it comes to deciding on my new kitchen.

Basically, I've waited over 30 years for a new kitchen (bringing up chikdren, limited funds, reluctant husband all contributed to delay). I am a very patient person (although dh would say I have "banged on about it" for 30 years) and have made do with mismatched shabby (NOT as in shabby chic) units (did once change the worktop and purchase an early range cooker (25 years ago)) and had an American Fridge freezer (same time frame - now defunct).

During this time I have scoured interior mags and kitchen brochures planning my dream kitchen. In the 80s I longed for a mahogany Edwardian kitchen with Laura Ashley accessories; the 90s saw me drawn to beech wood whilst in the noughties I favoured all out contemporary white gloss - all with obligatory island and breakfast bar.

Now we have both taken early retirement we have agreed now is the time. I fell in love with a Neptune hand painted wooden semi-bespoke kitchen which was coming out at around £35k. Dh nearly had a coronary and encouraged me to be more realistic (even though I had ringfenced this money)! Our builder is also a friend and both he and dh are pushing me towards a Howdens kitchen. Problem is I don't like the quality or the door colours. We are now in position of having ripped everything out bar the cooker and sink and work begins in earnest in two weeks. However I can't find a design I like (apparently kitchen too small for my beloved island, we have a couple of doors leading off limiting options, dh and builder hate bin drawers so that's out. Dh doesn't want any structural work done (walls knocked down/chimney breast knocked into - "can of worms)hmm. So I am feeling pressured to accept a kitchen I don't like because of timescales. We got several doors from Howdens today and none of the colours look right. I'm not usually a doormat but do compromise quite a bit. It doesn't help that dh doesn't really place any value on aesthetics.

I keep getting anxiety attacks about it and feel on verge of tears all the time and extremely depressed. I seriously think I am having some sort of "episode" linked to the fact that I have actually spent half my life planning the damn thing.

Any words of wisdom or comfort?

Iluvcruz Thu 05-Oct-17 19:39:57

Update - finally found something I'm happy with. However can't find reviews anywhere on this company - Burnhill Kitchens in Tonbridge. Anyone heard of them?

Iluvcruz Thu 28-Sept-17 20:48:22

Wow. Thank you for all your wonderful advice. I never imagined I'd get such a response. Apologies for not responding earlier - new grandson made his entrance smile.

I'm sorry if I don't respond to you each by name as I keep losing my post if I look back, but to clarify a few things:

The £35k was a high end quote undoubtedly. However I'm sure there is something midway, but my issue is time as kitchen has been ripped out and electrics/plastering etc being done in a fortnight. I was looking at diy-kitchens but you need a scaled plan to order and most designers just give you an artists impression without measurements.

No architect and no structural work - dh wouldn't want the faff (or expense). . However we have had a designer from Howdens round and I have had a few designs done on line - none that excite me.

The three doorways are all essentials - one leads to only bathroom, the other is the archway from dining room which is only way into kitchen and route to said bathroom. The other is an internal airing/understair cupboard which is becoming a sort of larder (in my head).

The door colours are an issue as kitchen is north facing and so colours change in situ so my beloved shades of grey change to black/brown or just washed out. I had more or less decided on a pure white shaker style but can only seem to get white gloss with the main players which wouldn't really suit the Edwardian house.

To be fair Dh is now saying not to be panicked by the building work as it needed doing anyway and I can take time to decide - he said he "would take a step back" (a euphemism for "well do what you want but don't expect me to be enthusiastic").

I think I just have hifalutin ideas that are unrealistic - I mean does it really matter how the cabinets are constructed - who looks inside only me, right? And who could tell the difference between a wooden constructed door and mdf/chipboard once painted, and what does it matter whether drawers are metal/plastic or dovetailed wood? Sigh

Sorry to sound so negative (and also for making dh sound
Awful as he isn't really (other than being a bit careful with money). He just isn't bothered about a room he sees purely as a workroom.

I on the other hand dream of cooking with my six grandchildren and making wonderful culinary Christmas memories and restoring the kitchen using traditional materials as would have been used when it was built.

I just fear that I won't love this kitchen as much as I had wanted to and that I have wasted half my lifetime (literally) on a pipe dream.

callgirl1 Tue 26-Sept-17 16:30:20

I recently had a new kitchen fitted, from B & Q. I love it, and it cost a fraction of the 35k that you are thinking of spending. The only thing that I don`t like, and it`s my fault for not asking about it when the planning was done, because I just assumed, and I shouldn`t have done, is that I`ve always had a drawer in my sink unit, and now I don`t. There`s a drawer handle, but that`s just for show. My family think that it isn`t important, but to me it is, I keep turning to open the sink unit drawer to get something out, the something that I`ve still to get used to keeping somewhere else.

varian Tue 26-Sept-17 14:37:59

Now the old units have been ripped out it is the ideal time to get professional advice (not just from your builder friend). An architect will soon tell you whether it is feasible to knockdown walls, remove the chimney breast or block a door to get a better space for the island unit you really want. Good luck with persuading your husband that it could be worth puting up with a little bit of hassle.

Bambam Tue 26-Sept-17 10:14:03

Drive me mad and I actually hated the bullying builder friend and he knew it.
Sorry about this post being disjointed, angry fingers. This thread has got me angry for my dear, dear friend again. Sorry!!!

Bambam Tue 26-Sept-17 10:10:53

My best friend, unfortunately no longer with us, had lots of work and extensions on her farm house. She never got exactly what she wanted as they always used a builder, who was also a friend of the husband. She always had to compromise massively, I could see that it was to make life easier for the builder and to keep costs down for the husband, even though it was her money from an inheritance. It drov

Bambam Tue 26-Sept-17 10:04:22

My b

Auntieflo Tue 26-Sept-17 09:57:18

We have been in our house from new, 1968. That kitchen was very nice, then we extended and found more units from the same range. 20 years ago, 1997, we took the plunge and had a new kitchen fitted. We managed to easily sell our old units as they were so well made. Our 'new' kitchen still looks good today, but we have had new white goods over the last few years. A local firm fitted it and we have been more than pleased with our choice. At the time it seemed like a lot to be spending, but has worked out to be cost effective. So, Ilovecruz, don't be persuaded to go against your instinct, you have a big budget, so can afford to be fussy, and I hope you find what you are dreaming of, soon. Good luck.

PamelaJ1 Mon 25-Sept-17 16:40:28

We have the same, or similar, cooker hood, Cari, excellent- I keep pills ect. in there away from little people.

CariGransnet (GNHQ) Mon 25-Sept-17 14:29:25

I loved my old kitchen (matt white with wooden floor and wooden worktops) Was less keen on the one in the place we recently moved to (a bit too white/clinical) but having lived with it for a bit have to say it 'works' better as a functional space. Things we love - a pull out larder unit that goes into the only corner and makes it easy to access everything. The corner units in our old kitchen were rubbish and pretty much impossible access half the stuff. Lots of deep drawers for pans, baking stuff, bowls etc. So much easier to access than cupboards. Our cooker hood is one that sits under the cupboards above and you pull it out to use it (think it is neff) and obviously the fittings take up most of the space above - but there is enough room in the cupboard to have wire racks for spices so it's easy to see all of them but they are also hidden by the door so it doesn't look messy. . We definitely like that. It does have an island - quite like it actually. It did have a breakfast bar on one side but we got it cut off and much prefer it without.

PamelaJ1 Mon 25-Sept-17 13:28:45

Sooo difficult because you are going to have to live with it for years.
My husband wanted black and red, I wanted duck egg blue, we got high gloss ivory. We couldn't get duckegg in the range we wanted from John Lewis. I still love it and hardly spend any time polishing the fronts.
I've got deep drawers all over the place. Why would you have cupboards except in the corners when you have carousels? So much easier to see what's in there.
Yo could always get the units that you like and get the doors elsewhere but that may be more complicated.

Elenkalubleton Mon 25-Sept-17 09:29:07

Choose 3 colours you like. One neautral,Google kitchens with said colours,you will be surprised how many come up.
I have cream cupboards, granite worktops gold terracotta browns,odd sparkly bits.Lightish terracotta floor.Wall tiles neautral with odd blending ones. Also tiled mural of three horses,in similar colours,over the Hob.

JanT8 Mon 25-Sept-17 08:59:25

As has already been said, do try local, smaller kitchen companies. We went with a local firm several years ago and have used them again when we downsized. They employ their own fitters who did a first rate job.
Two things I would always have, one is a tall , pullout larder cupboard as they hold such a lot and the other is 'Le Mans' corner cupboards. These are brilliant as the trays swing right out and round and every bit of the corner is utilised.
As regards Howdens, I'd definitely give them a miss! Wickes have a good range and if you wait for their Sales the prices are reduced considerably.

portiatrue Mon 25-Sept-17 01:19:06

I would not budge on the Neptune kitchen yoy love! You have been extremely patient and deserve it. Good luck.

SueDonim Sun 24-Sept-17 18:42:04

If you are the main user of the kitchen then you should have the main say in choice of kitchen. If you accept things that you don't want they'll irk you every time to step in there.

Having had new kitchens and bathrooms installed over the years, I'm of the opinion that builders and installers often like to suggest ideas that make their lives simpler, not yours. Likewise, they'll suggest fancy this, that & the other because they receive a greater mark-up on those items than on plainer ones.

My current kitchen was from Magnet, about 15 years ago. It looks as good as the day it was installed and I still get pleasure from it every time I go into the kitchen. Magnet still sell it, its the Shaker range, so it's timeless and won't go out of fashion.

leeds22 Sun 24-Sept-17 18:15:21

Grrr. Are your DH and builder friend going to use the kitchen or you. Please don't let them push you around, this is a big investment - take your time and get what you want.

icanhandthemback Sun 24-Sept-17 17:53:45

Do your builder or husband spend much time working in the kitchen? If they do, maybe they might have a good argument against the things they don't like or want but otherwise, surely this is your domain?
My husband and I had to agree on colour (I should have never fallen in love with glossy black, it shows every mark) but when it came to design, unless there was a valid reason otherwise, what I wanted was what happened.
Having said that though, DH was convinced that the new extension would have a lip where it met the old bit of the house so my design was reworked around that to a slightly more cumbersome layout. I was quite miffed when there was no lip and I could have had exactly what I wanted. I should have discussed it with the builder first! Oh and if your builder doesn't like your design, get a different builder!

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sun 24-Sept-17 16:51:11

I do sympathise with you. You've wanted a new kitchen for so long and now feel bullied into a colour or design that you don't like. You've displayed a lot of patience, haven't you? No-one would blame you for 'having an episode' if by that you mean losing your temper so badly that DH would be cowering under a table.
I think that you should remind DH that you've waited longer than many wives for this and you're going to have what you jolly well like. Who spends a good deal of time in the kitchen? I'll bet that's you - so tell him that the choice is yours alone. Of course you don't want to spend an obscene amount of money on this but this is your choice OP, tell DH that you'll choose it and he can like it.

sarahellenwhitney Sun 24-Sept-17 16:09:19

Illuvcruz If I had contemplated spending, £35thou?? on a kitchen refit I would not be asking a builder friend advice but, with glass of chilled wine in hand, be escorted around a high tec company show room who specialised in the sort of kitchens the likes of those having that amount of cash available would/might be interested in.
They will I am given to understand provide you with videos of what your kitchen would look like on completion.Ideal as difficult once the units and appliances had been installed and you were not happy.

Marieeliz Sun 24-Sept-17 15:37:18

Recommended local man fitted my kitchen 10 years ago. All done in four days. He has just done my friend's kitchen. He was recommended to me cost £6,000 including fridge and cooker plus hob.

My brother got his from John Lewis it is lovely but cost £16000

Diggingdoris Sun 24-Sept-17 14:00:11

I felt just like you Iluvcruz, couldn't find the colour I wanted then I found this web site that you choose the style and the paint colour from any chart ( I chose one from the Dulux chart) and they spray it to match. Superb job , well worth a look. www.diy-kitchens.com ( based in Pontefract)
Good Luck

grannybuy Sun 24-Sept-17 13:55:24

I recently moved to a new build, with limited choice of kitchen. It looks good but not what I would have chosen, particularly the white granite work tops which show every tiny crumb, and which are always in danger of being stained, and chipped. They stress me! I also don't like the stainless steel appliances. My white hob of 18 years was easily cleaned, and looked as good as new when we sold the house. Choosing is hard, but at least you can have what suits you best?

grannybuy Sun 24-Sept-17 13:47:28

It is so difficult to decide, given the amount of choice, but don't bow to pressure, within financial reason, that is. I have come to realise that if you're not at least a little bit excited by your choice, then it's maybe not right for you. Re the island, I had a run of a double cupboard and built in fridge coming out from the wall run into the middle of kitchen. Not sure if peninsula is the right name, but that's what I called it, and it served me well. It also acted as a divider between the kitchen area and the table and chairs. Sometimes the central floor area of a kitchen is wasted space. It also freed up some wall space.

varian Sun 24-Sept-17 13:33:37

My post followed from Direne's post suggesting blocking a door.

varian Sun 24-Sept-17 13:31:57

That is exactly the sort of thing your architect would consider. Get the space right, then plan the ideal layout, then choose colours, materials, appliances, style etc. Getting the perfect kitchen makes such a difference to anyone who does a lot of cooking. You deserve to get it right after waiting so long.