Asperger's Grandson!

I have no relevant experience so my post will not be constructively helpful, but I just wish to say that I think your DD has taken on a huge undertaking in home schooling all the children including her son with Asperger's.

You say the school was failing them - are the other siblings younger or older? Would it be possible for her to try to get them into another school and home-school him or to investigate a good school with the appropriate support for him where they could all go?
Surely her parenting skills would not be questioned - I would have thought any professionals would be fully aware of the difficulties involved in caring for and teaching a child with Asperger's as well as trying to teach the other children too.

I hope she can get the help she needs and that the children need too in their differing ways. Surely no-one would judge her for her laudable efforts but sometimes it is time to face the fact that you may need help.

Jane10 it’s still DLA for the under 16 years

Trigger phrases like "His vile behaviour" suggest that the child is seem as a "problem" to be disposed of rather than as a person with needs. Autism is not a mental illness to be medicated into oblivion, it's a different brain wiring. As an undiagnosed Aspie child I was abused at school, but my parents supported me and managed to move me to another mainline school. When one of my children was diagnosed - after me - the school had effective SEN support. If the school in question doesn't, try to find another school.

Such a lot of good advice, I am sorry I can't add anything but hope your DD can start getting the help she deserves and needs.

arum They are all on a dairy free diet as DGS2 is allergic. They've tried the gluten free route too, but it's so expensive. They only have one income, and no other help until the DLA is sorted out.

Oh pet you are having a terrible time at the moment! So hope the new year brings you some ease and peace x

Did the child develop aspergers after vaccination? Then a heavy metal detox may help. Also maybe rethink the diet, best if the whole family joins in, avoiding GMO's, monosogdium glutamate, sugar and artificial sweeteners, wheat and dairy. This may help ease things enough to avoid medications, which can have nasty side effects. Extra Vitamin D3, magnesium and vitamin C help.
draxe.com/tourette-syndrome/
draxe.com/aspergers-symptoms/
Also try joining a support group. I so not know any but start off with this group on facebook ... www.facebook.com/Life.with.Aspergers
And another one www.facebook.com/AspergerSyndromeuk/?ref=py_c

There are so many helpful comments on here, that I doubt I have anything to add. My DGS has Aspergers, and although his behaviour has been challenging, he (and his parents) don't have half the problems your family are facing. However they went through the GP, who was so completely un-judgemental and who referred them. The referral for assessment did take a long time, but the difference in my DD's mood did rise enormously, knowing that there was help available.

Please reassure your daughter that there is no stigma attached to asking for help. A special school would, I think, be the best option for your GS.

I wish your family all the best during such a difficult time.

Music therapy is also said to be very helpful for many people with Tourette's. It does seem to be a condition that has become much better recognised and where there have been considerable advances in techniques to minimise the effects so hopefully she will be referred to the right specialist who can try different things. It must be a very difficult thing to deal with.
Hopefully the fact that she rang you to say that she couldn't cope will be a watershed in seeking help from the authorities.
I hope the right path is found. Life's difficulties seem very unfairly distributed sometimes.

There are support groups via the internet.

Perhaps not all the children at home all day is not a good idea, as siblings probably need time away from him too.

Unfortunately I cannot offer you any guidance but I would like you to know that I feel for you and your family and trust that others will be able to give you the information you need.

Goodness me, Hilda, your DD has a lot on her hands, all credit to her for coping with this situation, I do hope she will seek help from GP and SS as other posters have said.

The GP will refer to a paediatric consultant and her team can do the assessment and give a diagnosis. But you seem to have a diagnosis so has this already been done? You can get professional help filling in forms.

Your daughter seems to be fighting the system, which I can understand but it might be helpful to try to meet them part of the way as they can help. If she wants to home school her other children she may need to get help with this son or vice versa. Difficult to cope with everything especially on her own.

DD is feeling much better this morning. I still have DGS3 with me. He came for a sleepover on Saturday and stayed an extra night! I feel I must explain the family. DGD is 11 and is in the process of diagnosis, we have long suspected that she has AS. GS1 as explained in OP is 9, GS2 age 7 has classic high functioning autism and a speech delay. GS3 age 5 has ADHD and a speech delay. All very different children, yet all loving and charming in their own ways. None of them coped well in school, GS1, the only one with a diagnosis when they were in school, got 2 hours a week help. When they moved back to England DGD was given the opportunity to go to school. She refused saying she was learning more at home and quite honestly was happier away from the bullying mean girls. She wants to be a hairdresser when she's older. All is well this morning. Hopefully it it the stress and uncertainty about Christmas which is affecting GS1. Well just take each day as it comes.
Thank you so once again.

I have only just read this Hilda and I am so sorry for you and your D and sad for your GS.
I did not realise they had moved to be near you as I remember you nipping off to Glasgow often.
I can offer no help just understanding.
Please take on board all the good advice given on here and get your D to shout and nag until she gets some much needed help.

You could have been posting about my GS, the only difference being that he has been diagnosed with ADHD, not Aspergers or Tourette’s. it was a long, hard fight to get an appointment with CAMHS because of their budget cuts but it was worth it to get the support and I urge you to encourage your daughter to ask for an appointment.

It sounds like both your daughter and the children are under a lot of stress in their current situation. She has obviously tried to do her best for them all. However, I agree with some of the advice given above that your grandson should be properly assessed by professionals so that he gets the support he needs urgently. From your description it sounds like he is becoming increasingly frustrated with the current situation and he needs to have special support from professionals. Engaging an educational psychologist to assess his needs can only be done through a school if he is on their register.
Finding a good school for him and the other children would seem to be a sensible solution to alleviate everyone’s stress and to provide all of the children with a good education and the support needed.
Your grandson with particular special needs should be assessed by an education psychologist so he can receive special support. The local education authority should be able to help you once he is registered in the school system. Please seek professional advice urgently as the children’s educational needs are paramount. I hope this helps. Best wishes.

My daughter has 2 Aspies,one with ADHD also-the older one is 17 and the younger one is 9.She had to take them out of the education system after many problems and home schools them.
I agree with the advice given-she needs to go through the GP/Social Services for assessments and referrals.There may be local help groups-my daughter has found quite a few by internet searching and word of mouth.Local Home Ed groups are wonderful,there are many meet-ups for educational and social needs.None of the other parents will bat an eyelid at any child's behaviour.I have been to a donkey sanctuary and also ice skating with these groups and the children are more relaxed around others with similar problems.The parents have "seen it all before" and are a great support to one another.I think this would help your daughter as her husband is away so much.
The National Autistic Society can offer help and I also recommend a site called Benefits and Work,which has excellent guides for filling in forms to apply for DLA,PIP,etc.
Your daughter has said she "can't do this anymore" so please encourage her to seek help-she will feel much stronger with some support.

I have worked for years with this type of problem. I can assure the OP that parenting skills won't be questioned. In fact that she has asked for help will be looked on favourably. There is help out there such as respite care for GS1. Please contact GP and Social Services. The situation seems at breaking point.

Getting a CAMHS appt is like spotting a dragon..... very rare!
The waiting list is astronomical. It's a shame your dd felt the need to remove dgc from school all together as Child Planning Meetings are invaluable places to access support I've found.
Definitely speak to the GP. They may recommend some assistance from SS but probably not unless your daughter asks for a referral.
Good luck ?

My friend's grandson is the same. He is 12 and gets bullied at school. There are no resources in his particular postcode to deal with him. He has recently been denied DLA as part of the Government cuts. His mother took him to a Harley Street Phychiatrist (she could not really afford it) in a desperate measure to confirm her suspicions that he was getting worse. The news was devastating in that he has not only got ADHT, but also a phycotic condition. He has medication but it only works for a period of time. A few weeks ago, he got hold of some chocolate and coca cola and devoured it all in one go....hence he had a serious meltdown! My friend and her daughter are also at their wits end...with nowhere to go! My friends daughter has washed her hands of the system and "pretends" there is nothing wrong with him...and deals with every incident at the time. The husband completely ignores the situation and goes off on football holidays with his friends, leaving the mother to deal with it!! What a life! I'm sorry I can't offer anything positive, but know how you feel.

There should be a local Tourettes Society and they can be very helpful and give advice.

I have not walked in your shoes so I am reluctant to give advice. Your daughter must be in terrible distress. She needs help from her GP. Why is she reluctant to do that? I also think the other children would be better off in school. They must be suffering from being with their brother 24 hours a day. I'm so sorry your family are in this situation.

There is such good advice here and I can’t add anything from personal experience. But it seems that the overall feeling is that professional advice is urgently needed and that the other children need to be in mainstream school. My heart goes out to all of you and I hope so much that things get sorted out.

It is understandable that your daughter is feeling unable to cope. I can only admire what she is trying to do.
But she needs the support of a sympathetic GP and she needs help from the education authority and probably from Social Services.
The education authority has a duty to provide suitable schooling for her son. She might have to fight for this help unfortunately.
Social Services should be supportive too. There are SS schemes to help with respite care and with group activities for children with SEN.
I do hope your daughter manages to get help - the first step is admitting she needs outside help.