No feelings for 1st grandchild

I wonder if affection for others' babies depends upon whether or not the babies need you. My grandbabies always had perfectly able parents without any help from me.

GranKerbs please read the answers the child is 4/5 years old now it’s a very old thread been resurrected

Is it possible you are self protecting because you are afraid you won't be part of the baby's life since the mom is challenging and your son didn't know her long before she was pregnant?

Hi BB I can’t say that I understand it either.
Someone posted on it before Hithere; they sounded a bit overwrought.
Does your search facility work by the way?
Mine doesn’t.

How do you see these threads though ???? whenever I look for even a slightly titchy, witchy older thread it’s says it’s Mooved and I can’t see it
So it can’t be seen accidentally ???

No need to apologise! It’s always confusing when these things pop up

Oops sorry!

Hithere it’s a really old thread (2018)
The child will be nearly five years old.

OP

Wait for your son to have a good relationship before you worry about your bond with the gc.

You write it like your son is an innocent bystander and blameless in all this L

He had sex with a girl and as a result, she got pregnant.

Him stepping up and be responsible for his child is the right thing to do - it is not " up to his credit" as all, as if he did something outstanding and extraordinary

About the dummy - how she takes care of the baby is up to her, your opinion means nothing.

Your son's relationship with this child is directly related to how he gets along with the mother of the child

Why did they break up?

The mother did not want to share her medical information with your DS - her choice, having a baby doesnt entitle your son to be in the know

Your post is full of judgement towards the mother and how "youngsters" behave these days

Sex without attachment has always happened, it is not new.

Hi I hop you can help .I have not had any feelings for my 2 grandchildren since my mum died 4 months ago . I went into s terrible depression and began drinking a lot of alcohol to cope but have now stopped just over2 weeks ago also I have slit with my partner recently . Please help am going out of my minfd thinking I can't love them

I can totally understand how you are feeling GrannyT just a thought but is your son definitely the father? It does sound as if it was a very brief on/off ‘ bit of fun’ I wonder why she ended it when she found out she was pregnant ? Plus the fact your son feels no connection to the baby which of course could be the situation making him feel like that but it could also be an inner thing of not knowing if the little lad is actually his baby

GranntT, thanks for giving us the background & I do hope it hasn’t upset you more in doing that. I do so feel for your predicament ( which seems to becoming parr for the course these days)
It is no wonder that you feel as you do, I think it is subconsciously possible for our brains to try to protect us from hurtful situations & you are in the position of not knowing how much contact you will have with your grandchild. If & when you do have more chance to be involved I’m sure your bonding feelings will surface, wishing you well, don’t give up.

You are in a difficult situation grannyT2017
I wonder if you are unconsciously protecting yourself by not getting too fond of the baby, because you fear you will not have a long term relationship with him or her, and don't want to be too hurt.
p.s. four times in ninety minutes is not unusual when breastfeeding.

Reading the background, GrannyT I am not surprised you are finding it difficult to feel anything for your first GC.

MY DS and DDiL were married, had had to leave forming a family until quite late and all of us wee over the moon when we knew a baby was expected. But when she was born, although I was excited by becoming a grandmother, I didn't immediately feel any bond with the baby.

Possibly because DGD was a 'screamer' and I was so tied up with worrying about DS, and especially DDiL, pacing the floor all night and feeding all day, both exhausted, that DGD was, initially, more a disrupter of family life than a blessing, but within 6 months, DGD had calmed down (a bit), life on all fronts was easier and she just became part of the family as loved as everyone else and like most grandparents I had reached the stage of being besotted by her

She is now 10, coming to stay for half term and I cannot wait to have her with us for a week.

Your circumstances are difficult GrannyT, I am not surprised you feel as you do.

Thanks for all replies - I guess I feel a bit better that so many don't see it as a real problem....
Bridgeit - background.... Where do you want me to start? Lol! The baby is a result of my youngest DS (21) and a girl he'd known for a very brief time. They weren't together as such (the youth of today don't conduct relationships as we did!) and didn't even really know if they liked each other never mind were ready to have a baby together!
She ended it quite quickly after she discovered the pregnancy. She said she was keeping baby and it was up to him if he wanted to be involved or not and she didn't mind either way. To his credit he stepped up and said he'd be involved.
The rest of the pregnancy was spent meeting up every couple of weeks making plans, eg; joint residency, then her changing her mind and telling him he should walk away. I tried to build a relationship with her but she's hard work!
She'd do dumb stuff like telling DS baby was asleep every time he asked if he could feel the bump! She let him attend the 12 and 20 week scans but nothing else. She'd said he could be at the birth, said I could be in there too - then called us to hospital when it was time and told the midwife we couldn't go in so DS didn't see his DS until he was about 90mins old...
DS has seen the baby daily since then but only at her house with her there and all he can do is cuddle him and change an occasional nappy cos she's feeding him herself so he travels from work to her house and in the 90 mins he's there she can feed the baby 4 times!!! (in my opinion she's just feeding him whenever he makes a noise and she refuses to use a dummy) DS says he doesn't feel any connection to the baby, says its just like visiting a mate that's had a baby cos all he does is cuddle him like visitors do.... Such a sad situation cos he was so excited that he was gonna be a dad and now he's heartbroken about how he feels about the baby.
Bet you wished you hadn't asked for background now! Lol!

I've never been interested in babies, including my own; and I worried that I wouldn't bond or love DS properly. But by the time he was 9 or 10 months old and getting a bit more independent, I became besotted. When my first GC was on the way, I again was worried that I wouldn't in the least bit interested; not at all looking forward to being a GP. And for the first few months I just pretended to be interested, to be honest. But by the time GD was 9 or 10 months old and showing interest in the world; I bonded more and more with her and now we have a wonderful and close relationship. GS is just at the age that im starting to feel more relaxed with him, and he with me. So don't fret GrannyT, it's early days and your bonding hasn't even begun yet. Come back in a few months and tell us how you've got on - I think you'll surprise yourself.

GrannyT, please don't worry about it. Many of us are just not hard wired to fall instantly in love with a new little person just because they share our gene pool.
I have 4 DGC and it wasn't until each reached about 3 months plus and would interact and smile with me that I felt any connection with them. I was more concerned that both my daughters had safe deliveries and healthy babies.
You will build relationship with your grandchild as you get to know him/her as in any relationship in life.
Not all of us on here are full on gushing grannies.

Any chance you can give us a bit more background .? GrannyT

It isn’t your baby, so don’t feel bad about it.Not everybody is a baby person anyway.He/She will soon grow and become a little person.Just smile and say the baby is gorgeous.

I agree with others sometimes it takes a little while. I remember my granddaugher's first recognition smile when she saw me, about 8 weeks or so, I think that's when it hit me how much I loved her. I didn't feel quite that way when she was a newborn.

Babies take ages to grow on me, if at all. I like them at around 12 years old, I think.

He/she will grow on you, give yourself time. Once the baby becomes a little person, you'll be smitten.

It will come and when it does....you won't know what has hit you.
Just pretend until it does.

It must be upsetting for you but hang in there and pretend for a while. It will catch you one day and its like being in love. It will come, try not to worry.

You are normal to many you will learn to love some people don’t feel that rush don’t worry and don’t push yourself or feel critical
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