I have never thought of this...

Sadly I have a couple of relatives who are hoarders and I physically cannot visit them as it is too dangerous. How they survive I really do not know but I cannot tàke on the worry about it as it would be pointless. One of them lives in a flat and the neighbours have tried all manner of ways to get the hoard moved as they are understandably frightened because of the fire risk. I know how bad it is because the last time I tried to visit I couldn't physically get inside and so nowadays we meet at a restaurant or hotel.
I don't think the other one is quite as bad but I have not been allowed to visit for the last 7 or 8 years so I am not sure. Not banned but gently prevented by very ingenious methods! The odd thing is that I am the executor so will perhaps have to deal with it eventually. Just in case I 'pop my clogs' first I have taken out a whole of life insurance policy on that relative's life with full consent so that all the costs will be covered. If not needed for that (some hope!) then the instructions to my D.C. are to get together and have a fantastic family holiday on the proceeds.
It is a concern when family hoard but most often there is absolutely nothing you can do until they can handle it themselves. I have never been critical of either of them but they prefer that I don't attempt to visit so I don't. I expect that I probably visibly twitch even though I try not to.

Marydoll, you have a big heart and I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to your mum. As you say, damned if you do and damned if you don't. No two people's circumstances are exactly alike, which is why most of us on here strive to be kind and to support one another, as you say.

Situpstraight I think we just need to agree that we have different view points and leave it at that.
I will not be posting about this subject again.
My view of GN is that most posters are kind, friendly and supportive.
However, it was your use of the words "ashamed" and "cruel", which upset me. To me they seemed harsh. That is my perception and of course you are free to give your opinion, just as every one else is entitled to on GN. The world would be a very boring place if we all had the same opinions.
I could be mistaken, but I haven't seen you on GN until very recently, if that is so, then welcome. I look forward to reading more your posts in the future.

Marydoll you’ve actually made my point for me , again.
The difference between you and your DM is that you have the choice to hoard or not.
Your DM because of her mental condition did not have the choice and no amount of you talking to her would have made any difference.

In the OP the daughter was arguing with her mother who, like your mother seems to be a hoarder, I have seen people in a very distressed state because the things in their homes, which to us is rubbish and a health hazard, seems to hold special meanings for them, even though they probably only bought it yesterday in a Charity shop.

You tried to be firm, as you know it doesn’t work.

And please don’t assume that because I haven’t spilled my life story on a social network forum that I haven’t been in the same position as you.

We downsized a few years ago, got rid of a load of clutter then. I declutter every few months before it builds up again, don't want the children left with a monumental task in the future to offload our "junk".

I need to de-clutter but am struggling to begin while I'm still working. My plan is to do it when I retire - just over two years away - then I'll downsize from my 4 bed house to a smaller property that should be easier to keep on top of. Meanwhile I try to nibble away at it but it is far too huge a task. Obviously it isn't helped by having lots of stuff belonging to my grown up kids neither of whom have space to take it away yet - not to mention all the stuff which my ex left behind when we divorced. I can't get into the loft so will need help with that - I dread to think what might be up there although I know some of what is there. Makes me tired thinking about it!

Situpstraight thank you for your response.
If you have been in a similar position to me, then you will understand what is like trying to ensure that a close family member lives in a safe environment. This is a someone who eventually lived, slept and ate in one room, because she wanted all her personal things about her. The thing is, to my mother, everything was personal to her, whether it was an old newspaper, an ornament or a piece of clothing.
I certainly didn't badger my mother, nor was I cruel, trying to persuade her to declutter.
Oh and yes she was mentally ill, but could put on a good face for the health professionals. It wasn't until she became an inpatient, that everyone realised the extent of her mental health problems.
As I said previously, if I had been more firm with her about clearing out some of her "stuff", she wouldn't have fallen and broken her hip, tripping over the accumulated items and die within months of her fall.
However, whenever I did try to be firmer, she would hit me with her walking stick. Damned if I did and damned if I didn't.
That is why I will never leave my children to declutter my home. I will make everything as easy as possible for them.

Decluttering is cathartic! Before I started my clear out a couple of weeks ago I made a couple of rules:
If I didn't love it and enjoy using it or looking at it; it had to go.
If I hadn't used it or worn for 2 years; it had to go.
If I was struggling to find space to store it; it had to go.
I've got rid of so many kitchen gadgets, craft equipment, clothes and shoes that no longer fit or I just stopped wearing, ornaments and knick knacks that I had no feeling or memory attachment to. Once I got stuck in, it was hard to stop! And I can now open doors and cupboards without the contents falling out.

I would like to declutter a lot of my stuff but I worry that the things I think worth keeping will not be the things my DC will want and that I might throw out something they would treasure. But before I start I need them to take THEIR stuff out of the spare room and the loft to THEIR homes!

Marydoll, if you read my post properly you will see that I differentiate between being surrounded by things that your relative loves and being a hoarder, if it’s the former then the relative should be left alone to enjoy their ‘stuff’, if they are a hoarder then it’s even more cruel to badger them, as we all know hoarding is a mental illness.
BTW I have been in this position, if I hadn’t then I wouldn’t have commented on this post.

PS
Have labelled all the stuff in the box, especially the old photos so hopefully it wont be a load of meaningless junk!

I kept mementos all through their childhood and hope they will smile when they sort it out. Having read all these posts I will try and sort stuff out gradually as I might not be able to when I feel my time is coming. I have a box of family odds and ends and have done lots of family history research and dont want it to go to waste, so in my Will I have asked them not to throw it away (they are not interested in it at the moment, but wait till they are parents!) but put it in the loft for future generations.

Think I just went slightly off topic.
I would never ask anyone to thin out their belongings unless it was genuinely dangerous.

One poster raises the issue of fire risk. I saw a tv prog about the London Fire Brigade & was surprised at the high percentage of fires caused by hoarding. One other thing to consider would be if the property is owned by the boarder or not. As others have mentioned, you usually have a very short time to clear out a rented place. I am a chucker-outer myself. Though know to tread carefully with others' belongings.

I haven’t read every post but I’m also beginning to thin out all my stuff at the moment. I am very conscious of the objects my family loved so it’s been a really tricky journey.
I’ve got boxes and boxes of stuff from my parents’s home, from my aunt and other relatives and these contain the items they once found precious. I’m finding it hugely difficult. Some things I really don’t like, some are damaged beyond use (but were loved so much in their day) and some were “make do and mend” type items - such as home made leather gloves cut out ready and just waiting for sewing!

My new plan is to take photos of everything. I’m writing a little note which is in the photo saying ‘Dad’s favourite mug” or “made by Eve during the 2nd world war”. I’m hoping some of these may be of interest to my family in future but meanwhile it’s helping me part with these “treasures”.
As they’ve mostly been living in packing cases for 20 years I won’t actually miss them but until now, parting with them has been just too painful.
This new scheme is really helpful and I’d recommend it to others.

I have had to downsize from a 3 bedroom house to a 1 bedroom flat and had a big declutter to do so. Limited storage in the flat so even though I had taken loads of stuff to the charity shop and tip , I still had 4 smallish boxes of very sentimental stuff to keep. My daughters friends husband put made to measure shelves high up in the hall cupboard so these can be stored and I made sure I only have what I need with regards to China, glass, bedding etc. DD1 remarked recently that she was grateful that it would only be s small job to sort everything when I pop off . This was said quite fervently after she recently helped her SIL to clear her mothers house after she died.

My dear late mother took the step of destroying old photographs, letters etc. when she was in her eighties - things she felt would be of no interest, and she was right. The only thing I regret is that she also got rid of the large old photograph album which I had loved looking through as a child. But she did retain all the family photos. For myself, an inveterate hoarder, I am determined not to leave loads of junk for my DDs to trawl through and then feel guilty about throwing it away, so I have started a big de-cluttering exercise. But it's hard...

I do wonder if hoarding is left over from the war. My mother in law stored about 72 bags of sugar and 40 boxes of tea for years almost until she died.

I have been thinking of moving but the thought of clearing things out puts me off. I did make a start today though 1 bag to the charity shop. Its a start. I am looking at over 55's bungalows. Seen one this am, unfortunately, there were three footballs in the garden as it backs onto a large house plus a trampoline against the rear fence.

I believe there is another one coming up for sale soon, so I shall hang on.

What a lovely idea.

Side note: if you are thinking of geeting rid of crafting stuff, there are lotsof places that will take it.

There are groups on facebook etc that specifically take half finished stitching/quilting projects or restore old projects. They will also return the finished/restored project to relatives if requested as a lot of these things have sentimental value.

But please don't bin your or a relative's hard work!!!

(Especially old quilts or part finished quilt tops. Please not the quilts!!!)

I find that moving house is a great way to de-clutter. The only thing that annoys me is finding a place to keep the boxes and inner packaging in which bigger appliances arrive. By that I mean vacuum, upright steamer, stand mixer, food processor, large fan etc. which might get damaged unless securely packed with attachments when moving (or when children divide the spoils)
I'm currently tripping over two very large boxes from my new mixer and processor.

I have given my DD a note with my more valuable possessions listed and to whom I want them to go. I have tried to point out my more valuable bits and pieces, but I think most things will go to a professional house clearer. It's sad really as I value and look after my things?

We don't live anywhere near our DC so it would be very difficult for them to do any mammoth sorting and clearing and so we need to keep everything as simple as possible for them when we are gone as well as for ourselves as we become older.
DDIL has asked us to photograph items which have come down through the family and write down information about each item and any family stories connected with them so that they are not forgotten. I am just really pleased that there are not so very many!
We fairly recently downsized and also decluttered to a certain extent but then became blogged down with the drawers of 'bits and bobs' we were left with. We have recently started again and as someone else has said earlier up thread if we hold it and it neither gives us joy or we know the D.C. will not want it then it is going out. Every time we see the DC we are offering them things we think might be useful to them and if they are not interested then we channel to the BHF charity shop or similar.
We are not planning on checking out just yet but after the crash which so nearly killed DH we were suddenly brought up short with the shock and realisation that you can never tell what is round the corner. Well we knew that anyway but it suddenly became very personal! When we first saw our new (to us) home it was very clearly an executors' sale and was stuffed to the gunwales. It took their family a very long time to clear and at the time we declared it to be a terrible warning to us not to let it get into the same situation! It is very hard to keep on top of things though.

Have just spent the last 8 weeks clutter clearing as I feel it’s unfair to burden your family withe dross. Having said that the items I keep are photos now in archive safe albums with written info on the who what why & where at least our family can now relate to the photos also other memorabilia like newspapers with events during the last 50yrs, old sewing patterns, letters from family members which make fascinating reading, amazing what you read from the recent past that comes round again, we don’t seem to learn from history although it can be biased. All labelled so they can make a choice “ chuck it or keep it” I won’t be here to worry about it, job done.