Sleepovers

gmelon just love your response!

Woodstock I'm really sorry you are put under this pressure. It is very hard for you. Your children should not allow it really.

I'm inclined to agree with gummybears although it maybe that the children are just used to staying at their friends' houses and sleepovers are something they like.

Maybe you could just say, "My flat is too small and Granny can't manage. If you need me I will stay overnight with you in your big house." Just stick to the broken-record way and repeat the same old answer, no matter what excuses they come up with. They'll give up asking in the end.

Wishing you lots of luck, stay calm, you're a good Grandmother, you go to help them overnight, you don't have to worry about saying they can't stay with you.

I seem to have hit that wall too - now only very occasionally the two youngest GC come for a sleepover (age 8 and 10). I think it is because now I've turned 75 I feel it's tiring.I don't feel guilty about saying no because we've made lots of memories together over the past ten years (when I felt more energetic) .....I took three of them to sleepover weekend Grandparent camp for several consecutive summers a few years back and last summer rented a cottage and took all the five of them away for a week on my own which was lots of fun - but tiring - and I felt VERY aware that I was totally responsible for their safety and wellbeing for a week. So the memories have been made - and I don't carry any guilt when I say to them "Grandma's closed up shop for sleep overs"!

I used to have a one bedroomed flat and I can appreciate how small they can be.
You sound like you do plenty with your gc and they will all just have to accept that they won't be having sleepovers.
It doesn't do them any harm to not got everything they want and probably does them a whole lot of good

"Sleepover"
The word sets my teeth on edge.

I’m afraid if I had only one bedroom, then there would be no room for sleepovers. Surely, your family can understand that.

I’ve been puzzled reading this thread at the number of grandparents who have their GC for “sleepovers” which seems to be different from having them stay for a few days with or without parents. For those who do it, what is the typical age GC would start having sleepovers? And what age are grandparents who like doing this? Since grandparent age range could be from 40s to 70s, their attitudes might be different, depending on age.

When I was a child, my grandmother lived far away, so I saw her very rarely. When I was about 6, I stayed with her for a few days when my parents went away. I enjoyed the experience, as did she, I think, but I wouldn’t have called it a sleepover.

With my own children, my mother, who lived about 3 hours away, made it clear she couldn’t babysit. We would visit and stay with our children, and she was always delighted to come to us. When each child was about 9, she invited them to bring a friend and stay for a few days while she brought them to zoo, museum etc. I think she saw it as educational!

My own grandchildren are very young, and live abroad so when they come with their parents they stay for a few weeks at every visit, so the idea of sleepovers doesn’t apply. If GC live close by, I can’t see the point of sleepovers, which to me is something children do with friends. But obviously some grandparents get great pleasure from it.

I would agree with other posters that OP shouldn’t be pressurised to do it, especially in a small flat.

I don't have grandchildren. My DS and DIL decided not to. I would love to have a sleep over. If that was me I would suggest swapping accommodation. You go there, the parents go somewhere. That way the children have everything they want, no squeezing stuff into your flat, and they get grandma for a sleepover.

I would advise you to listen to your strong feelings and thus not have the DGC over if you truly don't want this. Not all grandparents are the same, and what works for some, won't work for others. I'm a grandma with DGC born/living abroad, and I'd LOVE mine to stay with us, but I'm also a strong believer in "do what's right for you". Perhaps it's time to stop making excuses and give a clear statement about this, to all of your family?

What a shame you feel this way. My granddaughters always spend two weeks at my place every summer . They come from a four bedroom house to my two bedroom flat . I have a garden and I'm a ten minute walk from the sea. We have a great time and I love having them here. I want them to have the happy memories of staying with their granny , like I did with mine.

I don`t have mine sleeping over for the same reason, small flat, I do look after them at theirs though.
I just say there isn`t the room but I will take you to zoo/park/flying kites, whatever they like.

We have some of the GC for sleepovers for time to time but not being 100% fit I find it tiring - especially clearing up and washing bedclothes etc after they've left. DH is really good with them and it's him they want - but the cleaning etc falls to me. I do love reading stories to them though and looking in at them when it's all gone quiet - still you don't know what they're dreaming about do you .
I would find it very difficult to cope in a 1 bed flat and thing you have got a good excuse Woodstock. The fact that you help out in other ways indicates that you have a lot of contact with your GC and are not missing out on them growing up so why do more if it makes life difficult?

‘Bunks in the spare roim’ .... sorry just had cataract done!!

My two grandkids have bu me in my spare room...as I’ve akways had them over this stay.someyimes my ten year old grandson will come without his six year old sister. They don’t have much in common except ‘pokemon hunting’... which I find a total hire! But u like having them but more so when they were little. My granddaughter had never been as keen to sleepover as her brother and I tend to have them separately now.

There is no acceptable reason why you should feel forced to do this and then guilty because you do not. It really is time to have a discussion with the parents, alone, and explain how you feel. You are entitled to your own life and remind them just how much you already do and have offered to do.

I've had one grandson who slept over nearly every weekend for fourteen years! My dd who is single took advantage, me thinks ? We are very close to him and missed him when he stopped. My ds has three toddlers under 5. They will have to stay one at a time now.

"I find I have to keep making excuses as to why this can't happen"
Well you need to stop making excuses and just be straight - there's only one bedroom, one bed, the flat isn't big enough for overnight guests. 'But I'll sleep on the couch!' to be answered with, no it would be very uncomfortable.

As long as you make excuses, you will be asked. Be firm, say no.

My first GD and her half brother sometimes slept over when I had a bigger house. Now they are grown up and gone to different points of the compass to pursue their careers. My younger GC live too far away for sleepovers and, in any case, have so many interests now that they would never have time to come to stay. However, I love visiting them and occasionally catch a glimpse of them, as they pop in and out between weekend activities.

You do not need to keep making excuses as you have one vaild reason. You only have one bedroom !! If you give in and say yes you will set yourself up for endless repeats , and having done it once , you cannot then be seen to have a valid reason .
You already do as much you can , and if your family truly love you , they will accept this .

...And I am desperate for the parents to let my Grandchildren sleep over !!! Grass is always greener !

PS It isn't at all 'sad' you can't have your grandchildren to stay overnight. It's sad if you never see them or have any involvement. You sound as if you have plenty of involvement with them. Sleeping over at Nan's is fine if you still have agran/ gran isn't working/gran has no room/gran is ill/ gran just doesn't want to do it. Sad doesn't come into a woman's personal choice.

You must do what is best for you because if you don't enjoy it the children will pick up on that and won't enjoy it either.
I just wish my grandchildren lived near enough to come for sleepovers more often. I would happily share my bed or sleep on the sofa if necessary. The boys are 9 and 10 and when I stay at their houses they love it if their parents go out so they have an evening with Nanny. We get popcorn and snacks and curl up on the sofa to watch films. They grow up so fast I feel you need to make the most of the time with them. I now have a small granddaughter so looking forward to starting all over again.

Dear Woodstock. You may be a grandmother but you are also a woman and a human being. You are quite within your rights to refuse to do anything you are not comfortable with. You have made a compromise you'll be happy to stay at grandchildrens house but don't think your place is suitable. That is fine. That is perfectly understandable. Do not make any more reasonings, excuses or beat your self up. That's not your problem now. The parents can sort it out. You have made your very reasonable point and that is it. Over to the parents. Get your dog, go for a walk, have a coffee and listen to music or watch something. This is NOT your problem. My grandchildren stay over when I choose and when is suitable for me but I have a spare room. Good Luck in being kind to you.

Re taking DGC away for a break. Ours are young yet, but it’s something we do look forward to doing. However, we were in the Museum of London recently, saying how great it would be to take all four boys there as part of a weekend in London, when round the corner charged a whooping, leaping group of four boys, followed by two shell-shocked grandparents who looked about 90, but were probably only in their sixties.... We decided we might need a parent or two along as well.

Woodstock.You clearly do not have the space for a sleepover that would accommodate even half that amount of your six grandchildren.You are already helping out in other ways so do not feel any obligation to do what other grandparents may do.