Death of other granny

adrisco just go with the flow your DIL must be devastated 64 is no age these days. Your GDs will have lots of questions and you can only answer honestly. There are some books about death- like Michael Rosens's Sad but it can be a bit difficult as it deals with the death of his 18 year old son. My GD was helped to cope with her GGM's death by helping to sort out her flat and choosing some things as keepsakes. You could offer to help your DIL with this if it is something she will have to do. Perhaps offer to child mind whilst she does any official stuff. If her dad is still alive she might appreciate being able to have child-free time with him when she won't have to worry about upsetting the children.

Tell your daughter in law exactly what you have told us that you love her dearly and will do anything you can to help That’s all
Love and hugs with the children don’t worry about tears that’s natural and they are resilient

When in a similar situation, I sent a card to my DIL with my condolences, memories and offers of help.
I found it more satisfactory to write.

I have offered help via my son when he rang .. just not sure what DIL will want. Will offer again in couple of days .. childcare, shopping .. anything. When I re-read my post I realised I sounded heartless. Obviously I will do whatever, whenever. I love my DIL dearly and really want to be there for her without being too "in her face" .. it's a fine line I feel!

If you live in the same town, it might be helpful to send a message to your DIL with your condolences and offer to help in any way, as you realise she will be busy with the funeral arrangements and will be feeling very sad.

As to the DGDs - lots of hugs.

What makes you think that you might not see them before the funeral? - is there some breakdown in the relationship?

You live in the same town but won't see your granddaughters until the funeral? Why not? Can you not offer to look after them so that they are not in the middle of preparations for the funeral? If I were in your daughter in law's place I think that I would be very grateful if someone close to my children could care for them at a time like this.