Over-worrying has virtually marooned me at home

I find getting lost quite liberating. I have seen so many quiet backwaters in towns and lovely countryside , it makes it all worth while.

The main thing to do to reduce travel anxiety is allow yourself plenty of time to get lost, make mistakes, have difficulty finding a parking spot. If you arrive at your destination an hour early , so what? You can go and have a quiet coffee or wander around the area finding odd backwaters and interesting buildings.

Wow i am so glad i am not alone with the driving issues.I only drive to the places i am confident of driving too. I know that limits me and it does annoy me but rather than cause an accident by doing something wrong i wont risk it. If i am going to a familiar place i can just concentrate on my driving and not worry that have missed a turning or am in the wrong lane. I use my bus pass or go by train if necessary,it makes sense to me to be safe rather than sorry.

I get anxious if I drive into a big city centre where everyone else seems to know where they are going and which lane to be in. Drivers seem very impatient and there is a lot of speeding and horn sounding. Where to park is a worry as is finding your way at unfamiliar, complicated junctions. Also finding the way out of the city can be confusing I agree, I think you would all laugh if I told you a couple of the places I've ended up by taking a wrong turning. I take my turn at driving when going out with friends but generally stick to places I know if I'm alone or use my bus pass or rail card. I try to stay relaxed behind the wheel, stick to speed limits and politely give way if necessary, I wish every driver would.
Best wishes Gma29.

If you can afford it I think it would be a good idea to find a good counsellor. I have used one in the past as have friends. even one or two sessions can be really helpful to talk about the problem. Its money well spent. Being shy can be a great handicap. I am painfully shy and lacking in confidence. I have found going to classes a good starting point. There is a ready made topic of conversation and I don't have to contribute more than I want to. But really I feel talking to a counsellor might be a good first step.

Some good ideas here and if you are retired why not go into town on the bus? Saves worries about parking often difficult in most towns, buses are usually cheaper than paying for parking and are regular! If you are OAP you will qualify for a bus pass too

Do any of you with fears of getting lost when driving
- especially in unfamiliar places - use a satnav? Great device that gives a degree of security.

Just a thought.

Some good advice here re one day at a time, little steps, checklists. I too prefer no medication but that doesnt mean pills arent ok for someone else. Meditation is great too. very helpful.

With hindsight, @Paddyann, this was probably when things first began to get difficult, after I had to stop my HRT. I do remember getting very flustered one day driving into town, so I just came straight back home, It’s all continued on, getting worse from there really, and looking back, I should have tried to deal with it earlier. There have been some lovely ideas for little steps, which I am going to try, (with a checklist for my doors!). Thanks for taking the time.

Could it be menopause related ? I'm still having symptoms of a very late menopause so I do suffer anxiety and what my GP calls borderline agrophobia .I get very nervous in the ar no matter who is driving .Hoping it goes away when my menpause is over .

There's some really good advice on here Gma29. I do feel for you as it's very easy to get into a state of anxiety, not wanting to go out, and losing confidence can creep up on you gradually when you are retired. It is possible to access therapy such as CBT on the Internet, which may help. Have you got a friend who you can talk to and who will accompany you initially on trips when you are anxious?

I'm sure you did BlueBelle. You gave really practical suggestions.

Gosh luckygirl that’s made me feel really bad calling me irresponsible I know people waiting a year to get talking therapies help on the NHS I was trying to help the poster from today that’s all

If I didn’t have the dogs to walk I’d be the same. Google earth street view is very useful if going somewhere new. Easy to get in a rut and avoid things, this long winter hasn’t helped.

I am also finding myself getting increasingly anxious about everything as I get older. I make myself do things regardless as far as possible, but get irritated with myself for being so anxious!

I am very nearly off steroids Silverdarlings so only know too well after 2 years the side effects. I was totally hyper or sobbing when I first went on them. They can be helpful so they are not all bad.

What helps me Gma29 when I am visiting somewhere knew is to download from AA Route planner from home to my new destination. I also go on Google instant street view and type in the postcode so that I get a visual impression of my destination AND I use my sat nav. Sorted !

Hello there Gma--I understand --I'm reducing steroids and

increasing azathioprine to find the best level for me--

Flipping heck I feel that Ive gone to pot with the side

effects so I write down what I NEED to do each day (note

by the kettle) Also decided to learn to cherish myself +

Hi Gma,
You are in company here on the driving/parking front. There are more and more places I won't drive to unless I've got a fair idea I can get parked and it won't cost a fortune. I even do recces on the bus sometimes in advance. To me, that is just being sensible, along with leaving extra time for a journey just in case. Lots of good advice on here and I particularly like the idea of recording a message saying I have locked the door. Don't start me on forgetting to take the phone! So that's a double fix, thanks.

I don't think you are alone in this gma29 as I find it very difficult to go places by myself. Afraid I'll get lost, can't park all sorts. Also very OCD with locking up, turning things off etc. I think the idea of a checklist to reassure you is a good idea. I have suffered from claustrophobia for over 50 years. About 15 years ago I tried CBT to help me overcome it. I was hoping for a magic cure! There isn't one. You have to try and overcome this fear yourself (I do not mean that CBT doesn't help just in my case it wasn't the answer but it did set me on the right road) Small steps. Take a bus, train etc. Drive somewhere local that you know you can park and go for a short walk (garden centre was a good idea). The good news is that after 50 years of avoiding lifts and trains I started with very small steps to get my life back and with each step my confidence grew. Not overnight but little by little. These small steps do count. I can now go in lifts on my own (I would never have believed it possible) and 2 years ago I went on an underground train and coped well. Little steps can build your confidence. Please try for your own happiness to do this. I wish you and all those whose lives are restricted by fear or phobia that you find a way to cope.

gma29 I understand why you do this (I do it a bit myself sometimes) but the way I counter it is by plotting the route in advance/going over the route in my head, phoning ahead and asking whether parking is available, taking an Uber ... there are ways and means. I mean what's the worst that can happen?

I agree with Luckygirl there are other treatments available for this type of anxiety not just medication.
The idea of setting small targets is a good one, try a little at a time but enjoy your time at home as well. Nothing wrong with staying in to read a book or watch TV sometimes so don't feel guilty about it. Good luck.

I get very anxious too, especially about driving somewhere, parking, and finding my way home if I don't know the area.
I think it's a fairly normal thing as we get older. However, I do make myself get on with it or I would never go anywhere.
Tomorrow I'm going to Stoke on Trent fingers crossed!

Hypnotherapy is great for resolving general anxiety and phobias and you could sort this out in 3 sessions or fewer, so it need not be too expensive.
You do need to find a good therapist, which can be like driving instructors, they may be qualified but you need to find someone you feel comfortable with.

I am usually ok day to day with worrying if I have locked the door/turned things off etc but use a tick off list when I go on holiday so I can reassure myself when I know I can't go back, everyone has mild anxiety issues around something. It is a good idea to set small goals regularly and do the same thing several times before you start a new thing so it feels more familiar. Our brain recognises when we have done things many times and automatically relaxes our responses more. Think of the worst case scenario, what are you worried will happen then think what can you do if it does happen and how realistic is that chance? Then you can decide that you have a solution ready if your need it. Are you better if you have someone with you or better on your own at your own pace? If you don't want to drive unfamiliar places would you feel less anxious using public transport. I would start first with something nearby with little threat, maybe a local cafe nearby, a library or a park you can walk to and sit in. Little steps and record what you have managed to do so you can see some progress. Don't dismiss seeing your GP you don't have to take medication if you don't want to there are online sites to help or voluntary agencies to access. Moodgym is a good site for help with anxiety or low mood it does ask you to pay a small fee to join for a year but has lots of resources you can download, use and keep. I hope this helps good luck .

Have you got voice record on your phone? I can tell my phone “You have lockedthe door” as I lock it and then play it back at moments of doubt. It stops me forgetting to take the phone too!

The idea of writing a checklist down is great, thank you. It cuts out that nagging “are you sure” feeling.