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Meeting up with the grandson - first time since we fell out at Christmas

(15 Posts)
Carolb25 Tue 15-May-18 12:36:11

I visited my grandson, with my daughter, in London where he lives at Christmas. He's 23 and at 23 seems to have turned into a self centred, arrogant and ungrateful young man. He made the atmosphere of the visit quite tense and my daughter was walking on eggshells, poor thing. I ended up trying to explain to him whyhis mum had ended up bursting into tears but he couldn't accept any criticism and looked and talked to me like I was an idiot. Much as I love him I'm not looking forward to meeting him. He's not responded to any of my messages (just saying hi, Merry Christmas etc not about the fall out) and he's not even mentioned me to my daughter while he's been here. Does anyone else feel like this about their grown up grand children?

sodapop Tue 15-May-18 13:22:48

My grandson had a period of this sort of behaviour but when he was 17/18 he has settled down now into a pleasant young man of 24. I would think your grandson should behave more acceptably at 23 and consider the feelings of others as most adults do.

Ziggy62 Tue 15-May-18 14:43:34

i know exactly what you mean. I was very very close to my DGD until she went to uni. Then just like my daughter she turned into a totally different person. After the Brexit vote she accused me of being racist and said people my age shouldn't have had a vote as we are ruining their futures. I told her she's more than entitled to her opinion but I wont accept rudeness and lack of respect from her or any of my family We made it up eventually then recently I have found her comments both rude and hurtful so I have taken a step back from family. It's not easy and I miss the closeness we had but I wouldn't accept such behaviour from others so why should I put up with it from family. Just my opinion . Hope you have better outcome

Carolb25 Tue 15-May-18 15:02:18

Yes, it's since he went to university in London. He's an aspiring academic and seems only to communicate with us like that - he must be different with his pals. I've got a degree in similar subjects so it's not as though I'm intellectually inferior. It really is a shame as he has no family that he sees apart from mum and dad (recently separated) and myself. He's quite scathing of his dad too, who is a respected English teacher. I'm only mentioning that to illustrate it's not because he's the first to benefit from higher education. What makes it more upsetting for me is that I had a very difficult childhood and achieved all my successes etc without help or support. I feel he should respect me more. Sorry everyone, I'm going on now!

Ziggy62 Tue 15-May-18 15:08:33

Well I was told "respect is earned". Please feel free to be "going on now" lol

lemongrove Tue 15-May-18 15:28:09

Keep a low profile with him until he has grown up a bit, and yes, unless he has any problems (Aspergers etc) he is out of order.
You and your DD should perhaps just step back a bit.
He may change in time.

nanaK54 Tue 15-May-18 15:51:58

Where are you meeting him?
Is it somewhere that you can leave if things are not going well?
I would not mention the previous 'fall out' and try to keep things bright and breezy, good luck hope all goes well for you

Ilovecheese Tue 15-May-18 16:14:30

Young men often seem to go through a phase like this, acting superior or extra cynical, he will most likely grow out of it, just a bit later than usual.

You could try asking other male family members, or friends, if they can remember being like this when they were young.

Carolb25 Tue 15-May-18 16:36:29

Not sure what you mean, Ziggy? If you mean I should be earning his respect I can assure you I deserve it!

Ziggy62 Tue 15-May-18 16:39:10

Carolb25, no I meant that is what my DGD told me

Carolb25 Tue 15-May-18 16:41:23

He's been at my daughter's since yesterday. I'm meeting them for a meal out tonight. Normally we'd spend the day together but I did have a dental appointment which meant I couldn't, which was quite convenient really. Thanks for the advice. I will keep it light and not refer to the fall out but I will leave early if I feel he's being as he was last time. I hope he does grow out of it and see sense. For my daughter's sake if not for mine!

Carolb25 Wed 16-May-18 10:21:40

It didn't go particularly well but I managed to bite my tongue and act like it hadn't happened. Went for a meal ... no conversation or chit chat. It's his birthday next week so I'll send him a card, tell him I'm here if he needs me/wants to keep in touch and leave the ball in his court. Sad.

Ziggy62 Wed 16-May-18 11:22:40

yeap its very sad but I think you have done all you can. Sending hugs, its not easy xx

Eglantine21 Wed 16-May-18 15:21:49

“When I was 25 I thought my parents were idiots. By the time I was 30 I was amazed at how much they had learned in five short years” grin

Carolb25 Wed 16-May-18 17:50:42

Thank you everyone for your comments.